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Need Advice just don't know what to do with her

Forum: Blended Families


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June 5th, 2011, 12:20 AM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Calgary
Posts: 176
So my 13 year old DSD had been caught about 1 month, month and a half ago sexting with a 19 year old man in Texas and her mom blew a gasket. She was banned from all electronics, cell phones, ipod touch, iphone, xbox you name it. She had been caught a couple times sneaking on so her mom and dad (my DH) decided it would be good to ban her for a while longer. While here this week she went on the computer while I left her in charge for 25 mins to run to the post office.. and she was messaging with the guy that she tells others she's in love with.

She went on while she was out with her friends on her friends iphone and than just tonight we gave her permission to download some new songs onto her ipod and while DH was in the other room (he was supposed to be supervising her....) she logged onto facebook and I have proof because when she logged out her email address was still in the email bar. We just don't know what to do anymore. She knows that her consequence will be no internet for the summer here, and she will also not be going to Vancouver now to spend 2 weeks with her aunt. She keeps sneaking around, she's lying and this isn't even about the stuff with the guy it's about her and her disrespect for our rules and our house.

I have had to change all the passwords on the computers and disable extra user accounts, I put passwords on the ipod touch and on my iphone. When she sleeps over at a friends house we have to tell the parents to take away cell phones and computers/laptops. It's just rediculous. She keeps bugging me to go to the library but that's only so she can try and get online. So i will not take her. We shouldn't have to do this...
sorry for the long rant but I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice on what a step mom can do? This will be handled mostly between her mom and dad but I'm at a loss...
SAHM of two little miracles!

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June 5th, 2011, 07:59 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,692
I think you have done good by password protecting everything and by telling her friends parents she is banned from internet access. If she kept breaking the rules I would take away more than internet priviledges though. I would take away hanging out with friends and anything else she enjoys doing for a while as well. Maybe if her parents threatened to call the police on this guy she is sneaking around to contact that is not a minor she would begin listening to rules??

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June 5th, 2011, 08:15 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,041
I would take away hanging out with friends or any kind of priveleges until she has proven that she can be trusted. If the consequences aren't working to stop her behavior, then something more needs to be done.

Also, I would have already contacted the police about this man. IMO a 19 year old has no business even talking to a 13 year old in that way and chances are your DSD isn't the only young girl that he's doing this with.
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June 6th, 2011, 08:00 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 1,397
^ this.
You guys need to report him to the police. Period.
He may be a pedophile targeting young girls and whovknows he could also be a child trafficker! Who knows what he could get her to do and then what he would do w her if he got a hold of her.
This is beyond just punishing her. You HAVE to get police involved.

I would also bet you could get the police to "show her" what's happened to other girls her age that have been lured by older men.

This sounds crazy but my son at age 6 refused to keep his seatbelt on and used to throw tantrums. I took him by the sheriff dept and had then actually show him photos of kids who were scraped across the concrete after a wreck.
It was not the easiest decision to make but it made him realize what would happen to him.

Your sd Is old enough to see what happens to girls like her.

Jade Ja Kang
10:52 a.m.
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Last edited by Doodlebug06; June 6th, 2011 at 08:05 PM.
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June 7th, 2011, 11:14 AM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 196
Yep. Call the cops.
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June 7th, 2011, 12:04 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
Get her counseling!!!!! Yes he's a bad guy but something is making her vulnerable to his advances. I'd get her counseling right away because I'm guessing if it's not this guy, it'll be some other guy.

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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