Log In Sign Up

Don't know what to think about this.....

Forum: Blended Families


Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to [email protected].

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Blended Families LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
June 27th, 2011, 01:37 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
Well for those that don't know - Dh has 2 dds from a previous marriage. He & I have been together for 6 1/2 years now. From the very beginning, his oldest dd hasn't accepted me or my dd. On top of that Dh & I had a son together. Then Dh adopted my dd which threw oldest sd over the edge. 3 years ago, she opted out of our family. Dh would go visit her - they live 4 hours away but she would never come to our house nor would we go there. For 1 year, we weren't even able to see the youngest dd who wanted to see us but bio mom & oldest sd are very, very controlling. Anyhooo last year, youngest dsd stood up for herself & demanded that her mother let her have time with us. So yay! We've really enjoy being together as a family.

Well this weekend, mil came to visit - oldest sd is staying with her for part of the summer. She told us that oldest sd wants us - all of us to come to see the community play she's in. She's now 16 so I don't know if this is her maturing or feeling left out or what.

Dh & I are very, very cautious because ds is manipulative & calculating. Like coming for the weekend & being very friendly & nice - making me think things were getting better & then on her way out the door - handing me a grievance letter of all the "crimes" I'd committed in her mind over the years (she was 12 then). Anyway, I'm not up for being sucker punched but more importantly I don't want my kids to get hurt. Ds doesn't remember her at all. He was just 2 when she opted out but dd does. And dd hasn't had an easly life because of her bio dad so I'm very protective of her.

But on the other hand, if she is in honestly extending the olive branch, how can I not take it???? I just don't trust her. She reaked so much havoc on our lives before - trying to break us up etc. (long story)

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
Reply With Quote
June 27th, 2011, 03:07 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
Yeah that's a tough spot and I can understand your concern. I would try this one last time and see how it goes.

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
Liz (36) Kev (35)
Tiana (16) Doni (14) Lil Kev (8) Ethan 7/23/12 Lil Roo 10/29/11

Reply With Quote
June 27th, 2011, 08:07 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 1,397
Well sometimes at an older age they start changing. For the better or for the worst.
I'd go see her play. But just keep your guard up for you and your kids.
Who knows what might come of it.
I only say give it a shot bc if it turns out good, it will prob make your dh feel good to have a relationship w her.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

Jade Ja Kang
10:52 a.m.
18.5 inches
6lb 10 oz

Reply With Quote
June 28th, 2011, 08:04 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
Yeah I agree with you ladies. We'll most likely go. I already laid down some ground rules with DH. In the past, we've catered to her at the detriment to the my kids who are much younger (youngest is now 5). So I want to make sure they are fed on time (has happened in the past were they weren't because dh was catering to the oldest) and get enough rest.

The good thing about this particular time is that sd is in a play so she'll be busy. So there won't be a lot if any alone time. Plus mil will be there too so sd will have to be on her best behavior. Bad thing is we'll probably see dh's ex She'll be overly friendly which annoys me but I guess it's better than hostile It's just so fake. Stab us in the back but be sicky sweet to our faces.

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
Reply With Quote
June 28th, 2011, 08:42 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,041
I agree that going would be the best idea. If she is being genuinely nice, then it could be a great thing for your family. However if this is some sort of scheme, then consider it the last straw, but at least you'll be able to say that you gave it an effort.

Good luck!

My Life As A Mom

My Wedding Blog
Reply With Quote
June 30th, 2011, 12:15 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,692
Have you though of leaving your other kids with your family or a friend while you go with dh to see the play? Use the excuse that they would not sit through the play without distracting you from enjoying sd's performance, etc. This way you are taking the olive branch but not exposing your other kids to any hurt that may come from this if it is a manipulative game.

But hopefully this is sd's way of showing that she may have overreacted and she misses her family!

Reply With Quote
July 1st, 2011, 11:29 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
Unfortunately the play is 4 hours away & we don't have family or friends there. So the kids have to come. Plus quite honestly, because we've catered to her my kids have had some meltdowns & she & her mother think they are brats - even though they aren't. They were just little kids without food & enough sleep. So anyway, no way am I going to say they can't sit through a play because quite honestly they can. DD is 9 going on 25 and DS is 5 and has an awesome attention span for a boy that young. He has gone to DD's dance recital for the last 3 years and sat & watch avidly the entire thing.

She hasn't seen them in 3 1/2 years.

Plus I'm not worried about when she's on stage - it's afterwards.

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
Reply With Quote

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:51 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0