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Forum: Blended Families


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July 1st, 2011, 03:41 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 27,101
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No better time to introduce myself. I'm 27 and have been with my DF since September. We're new to each other, and now we're new to being a blended family. He has an almost 6 year old son.

And this child has me driven insane. The divorce is new for him, and he's small enough to not fully understand. And right now he's in the "let's see who cracks first" stage of his life. And I think it's going to be me. Due to DF's line of work, we do not have a permenant residence and live in Extended Stay hotels. They are essentially a bachelor apartment. There is ZERO space for anything here, let alone a child.

The last few times we've had DSS have been an absolute nightmare. He refuses to listen, Tantrums over food, Tantrums over us denying him fast food, Tantrums over us refusing to take him back to his mother just because he's unhappy.

He's had an upset tummy for a few days, due to the poor diet she feeds him (which is leading to the flipping tantrums because we don't eat out) So while I'm very sure he's not feeling very well, DSS being a holy terror has become a problem. We have no where for any of us to go to escape the situation and very quickly I find myself becoming a complete and total witch. The problem with this is, he's been using the excuse "my tummy is mad." or "my tummy hurts because he doesn't like sponge bob" for two years.. we have no idea when to take him seriously and when to call BS on him.

We put him to bed at 9:30 (his usual bedtime) and the tantrum started. He fell asleep at 11:30. We moved him at 1 (I sleep on an inflatable mattress because DF snores and I cannot sleep with it, and that's where DSS had fallen asleep), and all hell broke loose. He finally cried himself out at 4am. Now he and DF are asleep on MY bed where my laptop and my ipod charger are located.. and I'm on the bed. DSS is whimpering in his sleep, DF is snoring and I'm at the desktop because I cannot sleep since the ipod is dead. We both take Melatonin to sleep to start with, and I've fought mine off completely by now. So I'm exhausted, can't sleep, and in a rotten mood because my head is pounding (I'm also running a low fever.. fun!)... and there is no where for me to escape tomorrow when DSS gets up since there is only one room.

We take DSS on days that his mom has to work when he doesn't have school (he's suspected to be on the Autism Spectrum, so the school made her enroll him into a summer program or he won't keep up next year), so that means we take him the night before. We were supposed to only have him tonight... ok, one night no sleep I can deal with. But she wants to go out partying tomorrow night, so asked if we'd keep him again. Is it wrong of me to want to tell DF to send his son home tomorrow since all he did for SIX HOURS was cry for his mother?

I moved 2000 miles for this man.. how is it a 6 year old makes me want to cry for my own mother?
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July 1st, 2011, 07:43 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,041

Sorry you're going through this! Sounds very frustrating to say the least.

I don't think it would be wrong at all to want DSS to go back with his mother. If it were for work or some kind of emergency that she was asking you guys to take on extra time, then that would be one thing, but to not want him so that she can go party is a whole different story. Explaing to your DF about how rough your night was (which I'm sure he already knows) and let him know that you need rest. Your relationship with him is still fairly new and taking on the role of stepmom can be a rough transition so I don't think it's too much to ask that you get some time to recooperate after a night like that.

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July 1st, 2011, 08:35 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
Hey Ashley, welcome to blended families. When are you guys going to have him evaluated? I wouldn't be surprised if his suspected spectrum is the cause of his tantrums. On top of dealing with his parents divorce, which magnify his issues 10 fold. Hopefully once he's evaluated and you guys can have a game plan on how to work with him things will get easier.

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July 1st, 2011, 11:40 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
Kids who are autistic often have issue with change. They need way more structure than the average child. Divorce and changing situations are tough on kids who aren't autistic. It has to be a nightmare for autistic kids.

It isn't wrong for you to want your df to send the child home, however he IS the child father. The mother has a right to a social life & I don't see an issue with his dad taking care of him a little more once in a while. It doesn't sound like you have him a lot so the mom likely gets very little breaks. Normally kids can be very challenging but an autistic child.....

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