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Forum: Blended Families


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June 30th, 2006, 08:06 AM
rhysmom's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 121
Hi Girls

I am looking for a bit of advice. I am not sure if I am over reacting or if I should stand my ground.

My SO and I have been together for 2 years now. We have a son together. He has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship that ended when Ty was 3 years old. He has full custody up until X-mas she had supervised visits because of her past history with her kids. now the mom gets every other weekend and a few weeks in the summer. The ex does everything she can to get to me. She calls and wants to talk to "HER" son, she bad mouths me and tells Tyler not to listen to me cuz I\'m not his real mom. He won\'t let him give me a kiss or hug when he leaves because he gets the guilt trip if she sees him. She says stuff like "Mommy doesn\'t like when you kiss her because she\'s not your mom" I don\'t like to put Ty in the middle so I just let it go. I treat him like he is my own son, love and affection, including disaplining (no hitting, just grounding etc). His mom has no job/car and expects us to drive Tyler to her house every other weekend 45 min away and offers no gas money. My SO refuses to push the issue because he doesn\'t want to look like the bad guy with his son if he says he can\'t go to his moms house. We agreed that spending any great amount of time with his mom is not beneficial for Tyler because of the lack of parenting skills his mom has. We agreed that he would go this weekend from Fri to Thurs because that was plenty long enough. I got home from work last night and he went ahead and said to his ex that Ty could stay until Friday night! I know it\'s only one day more, but it\'s the point that we agreed on something and then he goes and makes the decision without me! I never said anything because I am "learning to pick my fights\' that\'s what he tells me I need to do, so I bite my tongue. He then keeps saying "you are mad, aren\'t you?". Buggin and buggin until I finally I say yes, I thought we agreed on something. He then calls me petty and says he will "handle" the visits from now on. I feel like saying ok, if I\'m not a part of the planning I wont have anythign to do with Tyler at all. I can\'t do that though, because I love Tyler and want to be a part of his life. I think he has made big progress since I have been in his life and I am proud of both of us. He has ADHD and needs extra attention. I am supposed to be a mom when it\'s convenient for him not all the time I guess.

I guess what I am asking is what would you do if you were in this situation. Should I step back and go with the flow or should I push to be part of the decision making. He lives with us and I feel like I have to wait til the last minute for his ex and him to make up their minds before I can go ahead and make any other plans for the weekend.


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July 2nd, 2006, 11:15 PM
Jinxcat's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Overthere
Posts: 9,569
I honestly would just let your DH handle the visits. That would be me picking and chosing my battles. I would just feel blessed that Tyler is part of your life and that you are there for this special little boy. I have to say how much you care for him is so inspiring.
<div align="center">Raquel, wife to Joel. Mom to Jacob-14, Isabella-10, Sophia-7 and Jenavieve-2 1/2 yrs.

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July 2nd, 2006, 11:17 PM
Posts: n/a
That's a tough situation to be in.

In our household, all decisions regarding ANYONE in our family
(this includes DSD) have to be agreed upon and stuck to.

DH, includes me in all decision making because we think it's VERY
important for DSD to see that we will always be united when we
make decisions. She's a smart cookie and has tried to manipulate
both of us but has since learned that she can't.

I would definitely express your concern with SO. Maybe explain
how you feel it's important to be on the same page for decisions.
And that you would like to be included. GOOD LUCK!
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