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Have you actually blended yet?


Forum: Blended Families

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  #1  
December 9th, 2011, 03:54 PM
.Katie.
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They say it can take up to 7 years for a family to blend and real solid relationships to be formed. How would you say you are doing?
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  #2  
December 9th, 2011, 04:32 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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We have our moments. Some days are better than others. My girls have a hard time dealing with each other still, but that's because there is a lot of resentment on both sides, plus a history of mistreatment from each other. Both played an equal role in ensuring they made the life of the other difficult. But all in all I think we blended pretty well. They all act the way non blending siblings act with each other. So I would have to say we're doing pretty good here.
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  #3  
December 9th, 2011, 07:17 PM
pmdc5286's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My kids and DH are doing great. DSS's mom causes problems every time we turn around. She has told him it will hurt her feelings if he loves me and we are trying to take him away from her. He knows nothing about our custody plans. Neither does she at this point. She just tries to cause trouble and with him being autistic. he doesn't know what to believe. All three kids get along the same. DD8 and DSS get along best because of his mental age.
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  #4  
December 9th, 2011, 10:14 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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DSS is still young, and since he`s not quite up to par on social and emotional levels it`s hard to judge how we`re doing on the blending sometimes. He is very attached to me, got very upset tonight when we told him if I didn't get my shots they'd send me back to Canada, and he told me he'd tell them that he loved me so they wouldn't do it.

I suspect we'll have our battles later... when he starts to understand that I'm the second mom, the one who makes the rules at daddy's house... at that point I figure the "you are not my mommy and Im' not going to listen to you!" will start... at this point his mom says "be good for daddy and ashley, and make sure you listen to her!" when ever she leaves.
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  #5  
December 10th, 2011, 03:55 PM
mommy2alex215's Avatar FTM
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Really good Im lucky I met dh when dss was only 1 so he doesnt remember life without me. Its always Daddy and Jess
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  #6  
December 11th, 2011, 08:22 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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It's hard to say. I don't think there's an exact moment that you become "blended". It's a process and it's a tricky process because situations and people are all so different and complex. It's something that needs to be taken one day at a time.

For example, things are pretty peaceful during most of our visits (albeit LOUD ) and the older kids seem to talk to me and talk to their dad, and the little ones give a lot of hugs and kisses and "I love you"s. I'm not sure how things will progress in the future. There is a lot of passive-aggressive pot-stirring being done by bm and her family and the older two, at least, seem to be buying into some of it. I have a feeling a lot of the issues she's shoved down their throats will come out more in the teen years -- how it will go, I'm not sure. It could be the road to more solid relationships, not just between them but between them and their dad or it could be the point where bm's drama-making wins. All we can do is love them and be honest (where age appropriate) and hope they see things for what they are on their own.

It will likely be a different scenario for the little ones because they'll have grown up knowing this as the norm and knowing mommy and daddy living in different houses and knowing daddy is married to K. I am sure some of the same issues will be there, but there's a chance it may be a smoother process because a) I'll have had the chance to build my relationships with them from a period in time where they are young and open and b) dh will have had the chance to build his relationships with them away from bm, which means he will be set up to fail a lot less often.

So we'll take it one day at a time. We plan on having children together, too, so that will alter the dynamic, I'm sure. I hope it will be in a positive way, but I anticipate some feelings of ambivalence at least from the older kids. It will also change the dynamic, I think, if bm ever remarries.
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  #7  
December 11th, 2011, 01:53 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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It depends on the week. If they have little to no contact with their mom, I'd say we are there, but since she is so divisive it undermines everything that we have accomplished.
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  #8  
December 12th, 2011, 12:06 PM
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Dh & I have been married 6 years now. We aren't blended & most likely never will be because of dh's ex & oldest dd. Dh's oldest just doesn't want to be a part of our family. Wants dh to herself.

Now his youngest is awesome. We only see her 2-3 times per year because they live in another state but when she's with us, it's great! She & my dd are inseparable. They were sisters the moment they met 7 years ago.
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