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  • 3 Post By Rachel
  • 1 Post By Keakie

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April 9th, 2012, 01:30 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 1,397
Need to vent just a tad bit.

Ss18 lives with us full time.
Apparently he's now smoking cigarettes.

His dad said its ok since he's 18 but we have forbidden him from smoking in the house or letting any of our younger kids see him smoke. It's not a good influence for the younger kids since they still pictures him as one of the kids of the house. Well it's not a good influence either way ! Period!

Anyway. I get up at 2 am to check on my kids and find a cigarette butt which is half burned.
Not a half cigarette. A completely half burned cig butt. It's laying in the hall way.
Mind you I JUST had to jump his butt yesterday for finding about 30 cig butts in his ash tray in his car. Meaning he's smoking while driving .
He's had TWO wrecks in less than 6 months. He has no business doing ANYTHING while driving.
Then I find the butt in my hallway ?
So I tell him I will lose my temper with him if I find out he's smoked in the house.
He says he hasn't. Hard to believe when u find half burned cig butts in the house. After all what reason does anyone have to bring them inside if you smoke in the car?!?

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April 9th, 2012, 02:20 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Location: Wisconsin
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I have some pretty strong feelings about children who are of age and who live in my home. They aren't not popular ones either. But if I catch my kids with cigarettes or butts in my home or on my property, they'll certainly be looking for their own apartment as long as they've graduated high school.
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April 9th, 2012, 03:29 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
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((hugs)) My 20 year old smokes, but not in the house. I wish he didn't, but there's really nothing you can do to change it if he's paying for his own cigarettes and over 18. I would reiterate that he's not to smoke in the house and let him know if he thinks he's old enough to break your house rule, then he's old enough to look for a place to live, too.
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April 9th, 2012, 06:06 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
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As a former smoker and someone who did smoke while still living at home, I agree that there isn't really anything you can do about the fact that he chooses to smoke (nor about the fact that he chooses to smoke in his car - if it's *your* car you would be within your rights to revoke his privileges to it on the grounds that you disagree with it in the car and don't want your vehicle to smell like smoke). I didn't quit because my family didn't like it or because my family told me it was bad for me - I quit when I came to the realization that I wanted to choose health and wanted to be a healthy example for my future children (and to have a healthy body long before TTC time). I don't know how he drives, but smoking while driving isn't really distracting either, and I'd be more concerned about texting or talking on the cell phone, personally.

You are within your rights to also disallow it under your roof. He says he brought them in from the car. Does the house smell? His room? When I smoked, I was also asked not to do it in the house and did it anyway. It was a bad decision, but I do know that when someone smokes in a bedroom, the smell hangs around for several hours even if you have the window open. I can't think of a reason why someone would bring their butts inside and he's probably full of crap, but if you can't smell anything and your house is typically smoke free I might be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. Because there is a potential for this to become a point of contention, you need to decide what the consequence will be if he continues to smoke in the house. Do you require that he move out if he is unable to respect your house rules and the health of the rest of the family? Do you take away other privileges given to him by you? What happens if he does break that rule? It would probably be helpful for you to decide that with your dh ahead of time so that if he *does* smoke in the house, you can have a plan in place and you won't have to rely on making a decision while you're angry about it, and that means you'll be more likely to stick to it and less likely to wonder if you were too harsh out of anger or too easy on him for his age.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's very frustrating and insulting when adult children act like the house they're in is their own regardless of the rules given by the real homeowners, or how it affects the other people living there.
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April 13th, 2012, 10:52 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 1,397
Just coming back to this post.

His car is actually one of our cars in my name and insured by us. He's been driving since last October. He's had TWO wrecks (his fault) since driving. We came really close to losing OUR auto insurance because of HIS carelessness. This is why I say he can't smoke while driving.

He is on driving restriction as it Is.
Only to and from work on weekends and he has to ask permission before going anywhere else.
He's not even allowed to drive to school. He walks.

This is all because he blatantly disregarded our rules for the car WE provide HIM free of charge.
He doesn't have the coordination to do anything but drive when in the car.

Apparently the butt I found was from him thinking he flicked a cig out his driver window. It flew back in and landed in his jacket hood. Burned a hole in it. Then fell out in the hall.

Um. I now wld like to know....what If he'd caught his hair on fire while driving?

I smoked a long time and never had a cigarette do that. He's darn lucky.

Jade Ja Kang
10:52 a.m.
18.5 inches
6lb 10 oz

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