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my parenting vs. her parenting

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  • 1 Post By Rachel

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April 19th, 2012, 05:11 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Location: Taneytown, MD
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I definitely have more "free range" parenting ideals. Kids need boundaries, but they also need to be able to explore and know their own limits. Kids fall and get scraped knees and elbows and, you know stuff happens. We only worry when there is crying and lots of swelling.

Well W&C's mom is definitely more of a helicopter parent. She hovers, wouldn't let them ride bikes, play outside without her, rush to them the minute that they fall. This was demonstrated today when Clayton came home with bloody knee, having falling while playing basketball. Will acted like his leg was going to fall off, I kid you not. "Come here, we have to get you cleaned up." It was sort of sweet, but way way way overboard for what it was. I know this is something he's seen his mother do.

It sort of annoyed me because it's not like I don't care that he got hurt. I do, I just don't think Clayton even thought it was that bad. But Will was all "Rachel, you might wanna come look at this." I saw it, kid. He might lose the leg, but I think he'll live.

So, where do you fall? More free-range? Sort of a helicopter mom? Somewhere in the middle? Do you see striking differences between yourself and your kids/step-kids other parent(s)?
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April 19th, 2012, 06:26 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Location: NYC
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I'm pretty free range. My biggest helicopter move is allowing them out without me before a certain age. But that's cause of where I live. If I had my own yard, which I will soon, they can go out without me. I already let the girl be pretty free, it's lil man that I have more control over still.

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April 19th, 2012, 06:33 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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We're pretty free range. I, personally, have only really helicoptered over any children in parking lots (for obvious reasons).

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April 19th, 2012, 06:36 PM
LoriLou35's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2012
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Totally free range. We live in a small neighborhood. All the kids run around in a pack. My neighbor and I laugh because we are constantly calling each other to find our kids. They tend to hover around 4 different houses on our block, but there is no telling at any given time which one they are at.

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April 19th, 2012, 06:57 PM
pmdc5286's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We are free range. Sean is in his room now with deep second degree burns from a motorcycle wreck now. We went to the doctor Monday! It happened Saturday at a friends (I found out Sunday and at the doctor I found more burns hen he took his shirt off to show the dr!) We live on a farm, the kids play outside for long periods at a time without me or Jonah outside. Sean fishes without an adult (but with a buddy) and drives a tractor alone.

Robert's mom keeps him inside all the time and wants him rushed to the doctor or ER if he gets a cough or a sniffle. Here the kids have to be sick at least several days before we think about the doctor. That doesn't mean I am not treating their sickness, but we don't rush to the doctor for everything. Oh yeah, she doesn't want him in the car when Sean drives either, because "he is only learnining to drive" She can get over that. There are days that Sean has to drive because I feel like crap and he is a legal driver.

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April 19th, 2012, 08:14 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I'm more free than DH is really. We do hover in parking lots.

I'll happily kiss a boo boo, or check out a scrape or carpet burn if I'm asked. But if the scream wasn't the kind that makes my heart start pounding I'm not going to go running. Exception: If it was followed by a crash, then I go running, he's pulled a dresser over once already.

But we have to use the old "If it's not broken, or squirting blood across the room you're going to be fine" with Reme a lot. A hangnail is the end of the world. And if the injury doesn't come with a cool scab, it's not worth having.

L, is the same way. DH hovers.

He's just lucky I'm around when things need minor surgery (aka band aids) he doesn't like blood. LOL

I should add however, DH's parents live on a farm/dump like area, and I have a hard time watching the kids play. Having stepped into broken glass and ruining a pair of shoes last year, and then having watched his nephew run through the area in bare feet made me ask to go home. I'm not sure my kids will be allowed to play outside unsupervised there. There's glass, wires, chickens, dogs, cats, pigs. a burrow all roaming around like they own the place (and they do) and no one really watches the kids... I see it as an ER trip waiting to happen.
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Last edited by plan4fate; April 19th, 2012 at 08:17 PM.
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April 20th, 2012, 06:50 AM
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I'm probably a bit of both. But a majority of the time, I'm free range. Depends on the environment. Here at home, free range. I do ask my kids to play in the back yard because we live on a main highway. I guess, I just can't quite shake the fear of some weirdo stopping and seeing my kids outside playing and then try to lure them into their vehicle to kidnap them. I guess if we were further out in the country away from a main highway, that wouldn't worry me so much. Now when it comes to injuries, it had better be bleeding, like more than a couple dots or swelling/broke for them to come whining to me. I've learned especially with my lil girl that you have to toughen them up a bit, tell em' to "Rub a lil dirt on it, it'll go away!" lol Well, that's a joke, dirt would be bad, but you get what I mean...lol

Funny thing, a few years ago my DSS used to be soooo afraid of bees. Mind you, he was like 8/9 years old. He would be outside playing, and I would be washing dishes by the window and Ide catch a glimpse of him just standing outside almost paralyzed because there would be a few honey bees flying around! I had to convince that poor kid that the bees were NOT after him. He was so convinced bees hated him. But then I thought about it for a minute and you know what I told him?? That because he used to torture poor innocent bugs and kill them for no reason, that him getting stung a couple times the summer before was his Karma. That if he treated those bugs properly, it would stop! lol He looked at me like I was full of it but then I never did catch him messing with another bug. And never really saw him worried too much about bees after that summer, took him all summer to lose the fear but at least he actually plays now. lol
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April 20th, 2012, 07:40 AM
Super Mommy
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I am a bit of both. I allow Sophia to play outside by herself but only in our yard. I do check on her a lot and most times I go outside with her and do yard work! If she falls and I don't see body parts in wrong directions or tons of blood. I will ask Sophia if we need to go to the hospital, usually tears stop instantly and she is off running again!
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April 20th, 2012, 10:57 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Oh my, Will is terrified of bugs. It drives me nuts because I can squash a bug with my bare hands and he's running screaming at the thought of them.
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April 20th, 2012, 02:16 PM
MidnightMaiden's Avatar )O( Blessed Be )O(
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Totally depends on the environment for me. We live in the city so I'm pretty much always within eye shot of DD. She's only 3 though so that might change as she gets older. I'm much better at parks now that I used to be. When she was younger I would follow her around on the playground. It was big but there's a lot of kidnappers where I live and I'm just not willing to risk it.
Now if she falls I will buy and comfort her, if she comes to me, and will kiss her boo boo better. But I tell her to stop crying and continue to play. Her communication skills are underdeveloped right now, so I try to do my best all things considered. But I don't go racing to her unless it's serious. But I'm sure things will change when she's older and can better communicate.
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April 20th, 2012, 03:43 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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I actually had a neighbor call CPS on me because I allowed my (then) 5 year old to play outside with his then (8) year old and 10 year old brothers. I wasn't right outside with him, but within ear shot as well. We live in a small town and the speed limit is only 20mph on my street. We have no side walks, except right in front of my house so most kids ride their bikes in the street.

Anyway, they found me to be negligent of Daniel. I appealed and won. It really burned me up because I gave him boundaries and he could recite where he was allowed to go. I think what it boiled down to for the CPS worker is that she quoted the Maryland law re: unattended children and I challenged her on it. She was all of 25, fresh out of college and had an ax to grind, or so it seems. They didn't do anything with their finding. No removal or anything, just that I was negligent and would go on some central state list of people found to be negligent. The sad thing is, I think most people would have been ok with that. Ya know, they didn't take my kid away, just said I wasn't doing it right.

We went to the hearing last year in April and the worker put on their case in front of Administrative Law Judge (basically an attorney who works for the state and hears appeals for various state agencies, not just CPS) and when they had finished presenting their "evidence" my attorney (friend) moved to dismiss and the judge agreed. It was a huge rush to fight back and win.

Long winded, I know.
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April 21st, 2012, 10:30 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
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Definitely free range at home. My 5 year old plays outside with a group of friends on a daily basis while I'm inside. I can see him & he's a good responsible kid.

I hover more in public because my biggest fear is child abduction.

dsd mom is the epitomy of a hover parent. Not only can the girl not pick out her own clothes or how she's going to wear her hair, her mother even dicated her favorite color (she could have the same favorite color as her older sister )

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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