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He's turning me into the evil step mother

Forum: Blended Families


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  • 1 Post By .Katie.

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May 5th, 2012, 03:37 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
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DH is making me out to be the evil step mother and it's pissing me off. He has this logic that since T, who is going to be 16 in a little over 30 days btw, is doing something or allowed to do something, that Doni is too. Ummm in what universe? Doni is only 13 years old. When T was 13 she had very strict rules about lots of different things, ranging from computer/cell phone usage to going out with friends. We just started giving T a lot more freedom. I've only been OK with this because one T is in high school, two she's a freaking honor student who bust her butt, and three is GOING TO BE 16!!!! He's only been OK with it because I keep reminding him that T is all of those things. He keeps trying to treat them as if they're identical, but they're not. Doni is only in JHS, she has been caught "lying" about a lot of different things, not taking school that seriously, and is ONLY 13 years old!!! There is a 3 year difference between the two girls. It doesn't seem to click in his head. He swears that we allowed T to do some of these things, when we never did before. It's freaking really pissing me off. SO of course I have to put my foot down and end up becoming the mean evil step mother who doesn't let her do things. I don't get why it's so different for one over the other?! Stop trying to be good, funny, easy going part time parent of the past, and be the hard arse full time parent that I know he can be! Ugghhh did I mention this is all pissing me off.

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May 5th, 2012, 08:42 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I'm sorry he's being a dork about it! that would really bother me too! My sister is 4 years older than I am, and my dad did the same thing. She was allowed to stay out until 10pm... so he'd tell us we could both stay out.. my mom would freak out and remind him I was 12, not 16, 10pm was too late.

I think it's a guy thing....
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May 6th, 2012, 09:42 AM
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 13
Sorry to hear this, I know its def frustrating. And honestly, its not fair to make you be the "bad guy". Parenting together, and being on the same page is super, super important. Because if the two of you can't both say together that its a decision you both made the child is going to have a lack of respect for either/both parents.

Were in the same situation at our house with the 3 year age difference. But here its understood between me and DH, that even though DSS is older he lacks maturity and my DD is actually more responsible than he is. And I think its difficult sometimes for parents in this situation because they're worried about what other people are gonna say, especially BM. It's like an argument waiting to happen. Esp with BMs because if its their kid that isnt getting to do what they want then they feel like ex DH and new wife/gf are playing favorites. But thats def not the case but I know my DSS' BM feels this way at times. I know shes got some sort of jealousy towards my DD. Why, Im not sure!
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May 6th, 2012, 01:22 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Yeah, that definitely is not right. I was pretty lenient with my older kids and I know they were doing things that we don't allow W&C to do now, but I keep reminding myself that they aren't the same kids. My two were way more mature and had pretty good heads on their shoulders at W&C's age and didn't have the back and forth parental drama going on either, so that really helped, I think.

Anyway, it's definitely not cool to make you look like the bad guy. I hope he gets his head out of his butt soon!
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May 6th, 2012, 04:00 PM
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UGH! I'm sorry

Even if the two girls were the exact same age--- it doesn't mean either is entitled to anything. Kids are all different and what one earns has nothing to do with the other and along that line of thought, when one loses a priviledge it shouldn't mean the other should too.
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May 7th, 2012, 06:59 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
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I'm sorry. That sounds so frustrating! For what it's worth, I don't think it's unreasonable of you to expect that kids are given boundaries and privileges appropriate to their ages.

*Excitedly expecting baby girl number two!*

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May 7th, 2012, 07:02 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i have to agree!..even if they were the same age doesnt mean they should do the same things..what one earns doesnt mean the other automatically gets it also

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May 7th, 2012, 12:09 PM
Platinum Supermommy
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ugh that sucks! We had this but in reverse when dh's oldest was coming to visit us. She thought we favored dd because I did more for her. Well she was 3 at the time not 10. Big difference!

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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