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Why does he always expect more from me

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  • 2 Post By .Katie.

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June 13th, 2012, 11:28 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,692
than from his dad??

We have a decent house, but I am a sahm so we don't have money for extras really. My son's dad is pretty much paycheck to paycheck, but when work is good and he has extra money he likes to buy really expensive things. He is just one of those people who blows money. My hubby and I are more practical and don't go for all the high end items. My ex on the other hand will take our son and buy him $200 gym shoes if he has the money at the time.

My son would never ask his dad for expensive items because he knows his dad is pretty broke most of the time. When his dad does get him expensive things my son is over the moon and constantly talks about it. My son constantly asks my husband and I to just give him $ and buy expensive things.

For instance: he decided he wanted his room painted and told me how we should do it. I told him we don't have extra $ right now and buying paint is not in our budget. He also asks all the time why we can't finish our unfinished basement. I tell him all these things take money we don't have right now. He then goes into this thing where he says we are not broke and have a nice house so he doesn't understand. I try to point out that everything costs money, especially a house! He just doesn't seem to get it and is constantly asking for things and I am forced to constantly tell him no. Its like a neverending circle.

What bothers me is he would never ask his dad or expect his dad to give him $ or repaint or anything because he understands his dad doesn't have the $. Well I just don't get whey he doesn't understand it with us!!! Drives me crazy!! I have even said to him that he wouldn't ask his dad these questions so he should have the same respect for me. He then says that he knows his dad is broke and we are not! UGGHHHHH!!! I guess he just thinks that people are supposed to spend any extra money they have??

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June 13th, 2012, 11:40 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
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Yeah I bet that's it. I wonder if his dad also feels that you have more money than you do?

Anyway, I think it's natural for kids not to get that money thing. I swear I have that same conversation with my kids on a weekly basis & they don't have anyone buying them expensive things except me when I can.

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June 13th, 2012, 01:25 PM
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If you guys were living the exact lifestyle his dad was (smaller home, less people to pay for, less cars ect) then he is right, you wouldn't be broke at all.

You live within your means like the rest of us.

I would be more concerned with his self importance and greediness than anything. We aren't promised a thing in this world. If he's got a roof over his head, clothes on his body, food to eat and people that love him he has it GOOD. When he starts earning a paycheck and paying for your house he can ask all the questions he wants but until then that stuff just shouldn't be a concern of his. All in my very blunt opinion.
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June 13th, 2012, 01:29 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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That's the way W&C's mom is too. She'll blow all her money the minute she has any and we are more practical because she doesn't pay child support and we're raising 4 boys, so there aren't a great deal of extras.
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June 13th, 2012, 02:24 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Some kids get it some don't. DSD doesn't get it with us either. Her mom always gave her money to go out with her friends and ate out all the time. Big differences were that she didn't pay support at the time, married a man with more money, and only had DSD to take care of. Us on the other hand were saving for a house, paying child support and raising two kids. We lived and still live within our means. We do splurge at times, but it's not a daily thing. We make sure we don't leave ourselves flat broke, especially now that we only have one income. Hopefully, as he gets older he will understand that you guys are different from his dad. Also, his dad could be feeding it into his head that you have more money. I know BM always did. She would give dsd money to hang out with her friends, but that was to get her out of her hair. Whenever she needed something it was always go ask you father. Unless of course dsd was mad at bm, then she would buy her forgiveness.

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June 13th, 2012, 04:06 PM
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Same thing here. DSS's grandparents are all Poor M you need everything you ask for because it's been hard. Meanwhile he's 6 and has no clue they're barely making it and he's going without necessary things because they don't have the money.
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June 13th, 2012, 09:44 PM
stucklikeglue's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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How old is he? My sk's expect big things. I remember when I first came part of the family and ever birthday and Christmas list they wrote included : dsi laptop four wheeler Ipod camera. I'm sure you get the picture. Drove me nuts that's they thought they were writing things like that down when they were 6,9, & 9! For sd bday last year she asked for a kindle which ive seen her use only a handholds of times. She really wants a laptop but I think shes too young. Kids these days have no restrictions and I know it would be me having to go through it which of course makes me look like the bad guy. Most of the time though, to get to the point , is they do that to us but as well as asks us how much ssomething we bought costs. I remember as a kid you NEVER asked your parents how much something cost.we tell them unless you're going to pay for it it's nonya.

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June 13th, 2012, 09:49 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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We have a slight problem with Reme and greed. I'm hoping to find a way to volunteer at a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen with him, so he can see just how little some people have.
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June 14th, 2012, 08:22 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I guess my son just doesn't get it. I even tried explaining bills to him, like mortgage, insurance, cars, gas, electric, etc! And he does chores to earn money (which he complains that his friends get a bigger allowance--my response is I don't have to pay him at all to help clean the home he lives in!!) But I do it so he has a little spending money when he wants to go do things with his friends. I like him using money he earned instead of thinking I am just going to hand him money when he wants to do things.

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June 14th, 2012, 09:17 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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DSD is like that. She gets half of what we give my dd, but there is a 3 year age difference. She thinks that she should get the same money no matter what and then some cause her mom now pays us support. She had the nerve to ask for part of the support money when it comes in. Like putting a roof over her head, food on her plate and what not is cheap. We will be putting a portion in a bank account for her, but it's not for her to spend when she feels like it. It will be for college or other big important things that we can't afford to pay on our own. Kids now a days truly don't get it. If you don't explain the value of money at a very young age, it just goes over their heads.

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June 14th, 2012, 12:57 PM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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B&K's BM is like that too. She spent $1000 on school clothes for them last year and didn't even send them to our house. She wanted them to come stay with her so they could wear them. We let them stay a time or two but when we got their report cards and they were either late or absent the days she had them we stopped it.
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