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maybe I just cant understand?

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  • 1 Post By Rachel
  • 3 Post By w292737
  • 1 Post By K.A.T

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September 3rd, 2012, 05:40 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
Maybe I just cant understand why...

Aarons ex just seems to have a hard time "letting go"..she finally decided to agreed to not fight over everything in the divorce as long as he pays her health care for as long as he can and half her car (2000)..hes of course going to settle with that (she before wanted half of everything..including retirement) ..anyways..she calls up crying the other day saying that she goes to see a therapist every day because of him..that all she does it cry over him when she talks about him..she said that it hurts her to see his family love ava and i because it use to be her they loved..and that she understands that he was inlove with me..I guess he tried to explain that when she came back she wasnt the same person and that she drank too much..she denied the whole thing and said two drinks a day wasnt an issue (but he also told me she would hide hard liquor and he would eventually find it) but he didnt want to fight about it..She brought up how she wanted to help him with ava..

I guess i just cant understand why she cant move on...they tried to make it work..shes dating someone else who says treats her really good..I could understand the being married part..but you would think after the failed attempts that its just not meant to be...and that divorce is happening

She knows we are inlove, that we have a family and a life together..she has a live in boyfriend who treats her well whos shes been with for almost a year..

So i dont no..could it be because she thought they could form a family? had her hopes to help raise ava? shes admitted to not being able to stop checking my facebook profile..

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September 3rd, 2012, 10:59 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,692
I don't know the whole background between him and his ex. Is Ava her biological daughter or hers?

Anyways, some people just have a hard time letting go. For some it takes a long time and others it doesn't. I can tell you that even though I was the one to end the relationship with my ex it was hard for me when I saw him move on. I somehow forgot the bad and saw the good parts of him and was jealous of his new relationship. I didn't tell him that or act jealous and I eventually got over it and moved on myself.

My hubby's ex left him for another man and after him and I got serious she tried to slither back in. She cried to him about her problems with the new guy and claimed he was abusive and actually asked him if she could move in with us! lol

Hopefully her therapy will help her move past her relationship with him.

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September 3rd, 2012, 11:18 AM
Happy Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 21,659
I don't know your back ground, but as someone who has my ex husband cheat on me. move in with someone else. have a kid with her and all that, I still wanted to fight for my marrige because it was my marriage

I dunno how to explain it other then, even after contless tries to fix it, and to forgive and forget or anything else. he was still my husband and I wasn't just going to give up easy on that.
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September 3rd, 2012, 11:31 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
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Yeah, what Ro said. It was nearly 8 years after my ex husband started cheating on me and had 3 kids with another woman before I finally let go. I don't know how long they were together, but sometimes it's hard.

You have to let it run it's course. You can't make her move on. As long as he's not giving her mixed signals, just let her take her time.
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September 3rd, 2012, 06:09 PM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
they have been separated for some time now..i met him the beginning of last year..found out i was pregnant a few months later..he broke up with me (didnt no i was pregnant at the time)...sometime in august i found out he went back to his wife...but left her middle of sept...we started back up dating jan of this year...i did find out she said she was in an abusive relationship and i believe it was just to try and get him back..she tried everything for the two months she lived there while looking for a new place...she would cry,yell everything..he told me one day she was holding there wedding pictures crying..

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September 3rd, 2012, 09:45 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,769
I can relate.. even after 4 years, a baby and a marriage my DH's ex still doesn't get it.. they broke up numerous times, she cheated just as many times.. but even right before we got married she was telling him , "they" needed to get "their" family together and he should be marrying her instead..
some women just don't get it..

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September 4th, 2012, 02:55 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
its hard to find someone who can relate!...

I understand they are tied by marriage but they havent been together in a very long time..i know she came back for a month but its not like they were together for all those years..and they just broke it off...she has no kids by him either!

Guess its something I cant understand no matter how hard I try!

I keep thinking maybe its hard to let go cause she had these plans..like plans of being a "family" and raising ava..but she had to understand that ava wasnt hers no matter what she thought and i was always going to be in the picture..

shes nuts..and i wish she would just go away!..

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September 4th, 2012, 07:56 AM
Happy Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 21,659
hopefully you'll never be in her shoes to have to understand.

even with my ex, we were apart. he had 'moved on' and he came back asking to try again and I still said okay. it was only a short time and no we hadn't been together for the time we were apart, but we were still bound by marriage. maybe once you get married you'll understand how you feel when its your husband.

hell my ex (married) divorced the lady he cheated on me with. and last year came back and started talking to me again about trying it(our relationship) again. I had a fleeting moment of yeah. then remembered no. there's just something about being married that is special

at anyrate, if you are okay with being with him and what you have, then you don't need to udnerstand what she thinks or feels.
Rachel, stucklikeglue and K.A.T like this.
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September 4th, 2012, 11:56 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
Unfortunately you can't control what the heart feels. Hopefully the therapist will help her move on. There's just no time table for these things.

I do find it a bit crazy that she thought she would raise your dd with him. That's worse that dh's ex thinking we'd all spend holiday's together as 1 big happy family.

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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September 4th, 2012, 02:32 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
Unfortunately this is par for the course when you get together with a person who is still technically married to another person. I left my ex but as soon as he was with the next woman I wanted him back. That's just how things are at times when you make such a commitment. Most people get married with the intentions of being with that person for life, so when it's over and they see them move on it can be hard to deal with. My only advice would be to give it time and have him get the divorce proceedings started. I wouldn't be able to live with a man and have a child with him knowing he was still legally tied to another woman. Just think of the legal aspect of things. Not sure how things run in your state, but in most the spouse can be entitled to half of the possessions and money that the other spouse has. That's not a risk I'd be willing to take.
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September 4th, 2012, 06:24 PM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
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thanks guys!..everything will be started soon!..she thankfully just wants him to pay her health insurance as long as possible and half of her car (which is 2000) so hopefully she doesnt change her mind!..but thanks everyone for the replies!

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September 4th, 2012, 07:36 PM
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Norfolk, Va
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by Mom2DyJessAva View Post
Maybe I just cant understand why...
? shes admitted to not being able to stop checking my facebook profile..

This is why my profile is totally private unless you are a friend of a friend.
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