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Doing stuff together as a BIG family?

Forum: Blended Families


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  • 1 Post By beccasmom7718

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September 4th, 2012, 12:28 PM
Happy Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 21,659
I don't so this so much in my case just because of my situation, however growing up, even after my parents divorced and remarried we did things as a big family.

just this last summer (so like 2 months ago) my uncle on my moms side retired. My dad and his long time girl friend were there, as were my mom and her husband. it wasn't any big thing. it's been that way since about 2 years after their divorce (so 13 or so years now)

my ex husband is always invited to family things that revolve around my kids. he can come to christmas, thanksgiving any of that. he is my daughters family and they would be happy to have him there so I'd grin and bare it for them. he however is a bit of a loser so rarely ever shows to anything (and has a long list of excuses why not)

Do you do anything like this? do you forsee ever being at that point you could?
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September 4th, 2012, 01:36 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
No we don't and I don't ever see this happening. Dh's ex & his oldest dd have made that impossible not to mention that his ex isn't the type of person I would associate with if she wasn't his ex.

It would be nice if we could but....

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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September 4th, 2012, 01:47 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,617
My divorced parents are perfectly capable of it. We didn't have regular "entire family" get togethers and holidays were separate, but they get along fine at things like graduations, my wedding, etc.

We don't do anything with bm. I doubt we ever will. She's sometimes capable of putting on the phony friendly face in front of the kids, but her family is not. at. all. They're very petty, self-righteous and generally hateful people. They all have control issues. They all are more interested in talking about people they hate than they are in talking about people they love. For as much as bm went for YEARS swearing to never be like her mother, that's exactly what she is. She parents differently and so I think she thinks that sets her apart, but it doesn't. They're just not nice people and they are not capable of taking the high road for anybody's sake.

Even if they were, though, it would just be very uncomfortable and I'm too much of an external feeler not to pick up on it and be affected by it. Dh has been assaulted by bm's mother in the past, which I think says plenty about how willing he would be to spend time with any of them. My il's have no interest in continuing a relationship with bm, but have never been impolite to her. Our side can only do so much, though.

*Excitedly expecting baby girl number two!*

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September 4th, 2012, 02:09 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 932
my ex comes up from NYC once a year, usually on my DD's birthday. He stays at our house and while he is here we have a party for DD with my DH's family and my family. He usually stays for a week and we always go and do stuff together(ie the bigger malls around here, or the zoo) and we let him go with DD while we go with our DS's. My DH doesnt mind and his family actually gets along with my ex really well. And its only once a year.
His family would be the same if we ever went down to NYC.
This time around he brought his gf and it was fine. They plan to get married, and i liked the opportunity to get to know the lady who would have my daughter when she visits. It was nice.

But for our DS's we would never have their mom over for any occasion. That would be a nightmare.
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September 4th, 2012, 02:49 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
No, no, no and another NO! The closest we got to doing things as a family was my ex sil coming to DD's sweet 16 this past June. There is no way that we would ever do things as a big family. When BM and myself are around the other we don't even acknowledge that the other one is there. DH's family can't stand her and I'm sure her family, sans her mom, can't stand him anymore. The sad part is that I can get along with BM's mom fabulously and she even tells dsd to say hi to all of us when they talk on the phone. They were only a couple for the time they were because of dsd. There was never any real love on his end and I would venture to guess on hers either.

❤ Big Thanks to Vicki, trishosaurus, & Shortcake for the great siggies of my kids! ❤
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September 4th, 2012, 03:16 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,769
no . It just wouldn't work for us.

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September 4th, 2012, 03:55 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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We could. L, M DH and I all celebrated Reme's birthday together at their house this summer. DH avoids her parents though, so if they're around he won't go. (it's her dad, he likes her mom).

And L's more welcome with DH's family than he is.. so...
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September 4th, 2012, 07:13 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,692
My parents were like that, they always got along when I was a kid.

I was like this with my ex and his family prior to getting serious with my husband. It made him uncomfortable and I would be uncomfortable if he were close to his ex. So I kind of backed off from that. I am still friendly to my ex and his family. His sister has come over to my house for dinner and came to the kids birthday parties. His brother has also stopped by my house. Both his parents have come over to pick up our son and stayed for coffee. My ex even had dinner with us before. But holidays we don't spend together anymore.

We haven't done holidays with hubby's ex's family, but they all live out of state. A few years ago we did go stay with his ex SIL/BIL and their kids for a few days. We were visiting some of my relatives that happen to live near them. When he contacted them to see if they wanted to do dinner or hang out one day while we were there they invited us to stay. I was a little nervous, but I knew it would be important for my step kids to see their cousins and spend time with them. They lived hours from my family so dropping them off for the night wouldn't have been an option. So we stayed and it was actually a good time. I actually had a lot in common with the SIL and we talk sometimes. BM's parents have come out here to see the kids. They always stay in a hotel, but we have had dinner with them.

BM is with a controlling guy though and we can't stand him. He is jealous of my hubby for sure and doesn't even allow BM to contact hubby. The rare occasions when she does contact us it is my cell she calls. And since she left my hubby for that guy I don't see them ever being friendly.

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September 4th, 2012, 07:39 PM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In the Wild and Wonderful
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My parents didn't really get along too well. They can tolerate each other now but thats about it.

As for us doing something with BM, birthday's are about the max. If the boys want a big birthday party then we will have one together but if they just want a smaller one then we do seperate. And anything else is a big fat NO WAY!
Me: B 28
DF: S 29

DSD:S 12
DD: A 6 Autism, Global Developmental Delays

Getting Married 6/11/16!!!

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September 4th, 2012, 07:40 PM
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Norfolk, Va
Posts: 44
I dont see this happening C's birthday is oct1 and he is having 2 parties and then BM is taking him to his ped appt on his bday for shots YAY! Maybe when he is older and BM is more settled like for HUGE events graduations and stuff but We get along and C sees that. That is enough social for me. I guess I just dont want to share my time with BF with HER
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September 5th, 2012, 01:48 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
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We invite my ex over for family things frequently. He has come to Christmas morning breakfast, birthday parties for Daniel, all sorts of stuff. I have gone to his house for things and am friends with his girlfriend.

Neely's ex? No way.
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September 5th, 2012, 09:47 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 972
I include my ex in everything that includes our daughter. His Ex she chooses to stay away.
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