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Discipline ect...


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  • 1 Post By plan4fate
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  #1  
October 31st, 2012, 01:17 PM
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Before my kids and I moved in with my fiance and his daughter things were going well. My fiance and I had never had a real arguement and the kids took to him really well as well as him to them. When we moved in to his house things started to change. My 5 yr old son J constantly says I don't want A (his 2 yr old ) to play with us (Us meaning J's 3 yr old sister L. They constantly fight..she's copyng me, she's looking at me, I don't want A here, I don't like this house etc..J is also disrespectful to my fiance at times. Ive noticed when I get onto fiance's daughter he takes up for her or makes excuses for her. In return when he gets onto my son I sometimes do the same without meaning to.

I'm sure all this is normal but I'm looking for tips to help my son and all of u to get through this as quickly as possible. If anyone here went through the same what are some things you all did to help with the transition?
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  #2  
October 31st, 2012, 01:31 PM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
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Good luck. Our kids are 19,11,9,6 and 9 months. Still happens here. And I'm not sure how to fix it.
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  #3  
October 31st, 2012, 01:35 PM
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If you don't let him say it to his bio sister he does NOT get to say it to his step sister. That being said it might be more of her age than the fact they're not blood related. He's 5 and big and supercool and she's not only an ICKY girl she's TWO! She's a baaaaaaaaaby.

Is there age appropriate stuff for everyone to do?
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  #4  
October 31st, 2012, 01:39 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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*playing devils advocate*

I hated playing with the little kids when I was younger. There is often a large difference between 2 and 3 years old, at one point they become actual playmates and not just annoyances.



I'd say the kids need things they can do as a group. And I'd sit down with the 5 year old and explain he HAS to play with the 2 year old, and that if he doesn't play nice then he won't get to play with anyone or anything.

Keep in mind, you suddenly gave him a new sibling. He's not used to it, and this is his way of telling you he doesn't know how to handle it. It's like letting the neighbor kid come over when the kids don't want them there, takes time to get everyone used to being a family.
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  #5  
October 31st, 2012, 02:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
If you don't let him say it to his bio sister he does NOT get to say it to his step sister. That being said it might be more of her age than the fact they're not blood related. He's 5 and big and supercool and she's not only an ICKY girl she's TWO! She's a baaaaaaaaaby.

Is there age appropriate stuff for everyone to do?

He wants to play with his 3 yr old sister..just not with the 2 yr old. I also feel like its the fact she is 2...he oftens wants time away from the 2 year old, just him and his sister playing in the room alone. I do let them do this briefly just to get a "break" but it really makes my fiance feel like his daughter is being left out.
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  #6  
October 31st, 2012, 02:32 PM
Happy Mommy
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it's probably jsut typical she's a baby, stuff... not that she's not related to me stuff.

you and your finace need to sit and talk about dicipline and how it will work. you aer now co-parenting so you need to be on the same page.
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  #7  
October 31st, 2012, 04:14 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree its probably due to the age difference and he is used to his sister.

When hubby and I got together his 2 kids would play together and leave my son out. It hurt me and him. It helped when we played with the kids to get them all involved. But sometimes they just don't want to all play together.

As for discipline maybe you should let each discipline their own kids so there is no resentments?
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  #8  
October 31st, 2012, 06:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2more View Post

As for discipline maybe you should let each discipline their own kids so there is no resentments?
We have decided to do this for now..I watch his daughter during the day so I have to discipline her but when he is here I will leave it to him
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  #9  
October 31st, 2012, 06:35 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2more View Post
I agree its probably due to the age difference and he is used to his sister.

When hubby and I got together his 2 kids would play together and leave my son out. It hurt me and him. It helped when we played with the kids to get them all involved. But sometimes they just don't want to all play together.

As for discipline maybe you should let each discipline their own kids so there is no resentments?
This. There *is* a big difference in 2 and 3 as well. When my youngest dss was 2-2.5 he usually ended up playing alone because he just drove the other kids nuts (he had issues sharing, he couldn't keep up with some of the games they wanted to play/didn't understand some of the games they played, things like that). Now that he's 3.5, he plays with both his 6 yo sister and 9 yo brother all the time. They still get fed up with him occasionally, but no where near as often as they did when he was smaller.

Give it time. Blending families is an adjustment for everyone. It's not your 5 yo being 'disrespectful' to your fiance - he's just little and dealing with a lot of change. "I don't like this house!" isn't a personal insult against your fiance - it's the best words that your little one knows how to use to give a voice to his frustrations dealing with change. I know it's hard when you want everyone to ease into things as quickly and smoothly as you've eased into things with your partner, but it really doesn't work that way with kids and step-relationships unfortunately. Try to plan entire family activities that are fun for all of the kids so that they'll all want to be involved, and let independent play sort itself out as the A gets older.
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  #10  
October 31st, 2012, 10:02 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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To us 2 and 3 are the same. But to them, it's a major difference. I would allow them to have time without each other, but I would make sure it doesn't happen all the time. I've had issues like this with the girls. I would just take time to talk to my eldest when no one was around and let her know that it's really means a lot to all of us if she were to try more. Sometimes it worked sometimes it didn't. I've been at this for 10 years and I still find that DH and I take up for our own kids, a lot. It's just a parental instinct if you ask me.
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  #11  
November 2nd, 2012, 10:34 AM
butterfly070212's Avatar Veteran
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I have been lurking for awhile. Its my first time having a blended family. My 5 yr old SD says that her life is ruined by my DD. But then later on, she says everyone else ruins her life at some point in the day We just shurg it off.

I have noticed if we dont have the two girls play seperate a huge fight breaks out. So, I make them take a 30 min. break from each other. I just think its normal. My DD is used to being an only child. My DSD is used to being the baby of the family. Eventually, it will all work out.
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  #12  
November 2nd, 2012, 11:51 AM
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Blending is so much fun! I don't think it has anything to do with biology. Kids usually don't think like htat. It's common interests,etc.

We had the opposite problem when we 1st became blended. Dh's youngest & my dd were inseparable from the moment they met. His oldest was the one that got left out - not intentially but she wasn't interested in playing little girl games like the other 2 were.
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  #13  
November 2nd, 2012, 05:15 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
If you don't let him say it to his bio sister he does NOT get to say it to his step sister. That being said it might be more of her age than the fact they're not blood related. He's 5 and big and supercool and she's not only an ICKY girl she's TWO! She's a baaaaaaaaaby.

Is there age appropriate stuff for everyone to do?
I agree. I wouldn't expect a 5 year old boy to be happy about playing with a 2 year old girl.
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