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  • 1 Post By Ember Rose

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January 17th, 2013, 06:01 AM
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 152
Hi, all! I am writing more so to vent because...well, let's face it, I have no where else to turn outside of you ladies!

As most of you may know (but I'll do a brief recap), SD7 lives with DH and I full time & we moved last summer approx. 8.5hrs away from BM. When we lived in the same neighborhood as BM, we had SD approx. 97% of the time anyway...so when we decided to move, we gave BM the option of whether she would let SD move with us....she decided to let her move. (Long story short...).....

With the move, I vowed to be the best SM/Wife/BM (to BD1) that I could be. And I've been trying pretty hard to fulfill that vow. I've made sure that SD doesn't need anything..she has everything that she wants and needs. I've done every single homework assignment with her...every project that she has had, we've done together...and I am very active in her school life (reading to her class, I am the class event planner, volunteering, surprising her for school lunch dates, etc.). I've made sure that she had extra-curricular fun outside of home as well so that she wouldn't get too bored with the everyday life of coming home to play with little sister. She's in the community choir (which she loves) and on the cheerleading squad. Soccer starts in the Spring...and she's super excited about it. She has never missed a meal, snack, etc....and she is at the top of her class! In my opinion, she's doing great....and she seemed super happy! Since DH works a lot and I am the main one with the kids most of the time, I felt like I was doing a good job.....until.....

We try to have BM call SD at least once a week if possible (although sometimes she misses a call or two). But yesterday, my DH reminded her to call SD. She called....and almost immediately, SD got on the phone and said "When am I moving with you? Get me out of here. You told me I would only be here for a few months...it's been more than that. Can you hurry up so I can move in with you?"

I have never heard more heartbroken words in my life. I felt like every effort that I've put forth, means absolutely nothing...and hasn't even been beneficial to this poor child's life. I know that at the end of the day, her heart will always lie with BD and BM...but that is fine with me. I'm not asking for any type of loyalty....I don't care about that. I've already dealt with that and realized no matter how much BM neglects her...and no matter how much I compromise to make up for it, BM will always be the only woman who counts in her life. I get that...and it's perfectly fine with me. What hurts me is that I am trying so hard to make sure she is happy and comfortable...and pretty much, I heard that I am failing. Btw, she and I talk 1:1 VERY often and she tells me that she is great and loves her new life, etc. But when she says things like that to BM, I can't help but think that she is not being truthful with me about loving the life that I am trying to give her.

Have any of you ever dealt with this kind of heartbreak before? How did you deal with it?
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January 17th, 2013, 12:00 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,692
Maybe she feels bad for bm and guilty for loving her life with you so she says things to cheer bm up? We have custody of my step kids and at times my sd has felt bad for her mom and says things to be nice that she doesn't mean.

You are doing your best and I am sure that sd is enjoying life with you, but she might also miss seeing her bm since you live so far away from her now.

Try not to take it personally.

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January 17th, 2013, 12:41 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,769
My stepkids do the same thing, they can be having a blast with us during the summer, but the moment they talk to their mom its "I wanna come home, I miss you, When is it time to come home"
I realized last summer that they feel that way when talking to the parent they miss, but that doesn't mean they didn't love being here, they say the same thing when they are with BM and talk to DH.
you are doing your best and even if she doesn't see it now, she will look back when she's older and understand the amount of effort and love you give her.

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January 17th, 2013, 01:21 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,684
I think it has less to do with you and more to do with her mom. Based on what you said she said it seems like her mom told him she'd be moving temporarily. You could have addressed this if you knew but you of course you didn't. It's less about how her life is and more about her mom breaking a promise.
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January 20th, 2013, 08:16 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,313
I agree with the above ladies that said that SD feels bad for mom and is saying what she thinks mom wants to hear. My stepkids do the same (partly because their mom told them that it kills her for them to say that they like spending time with us).
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