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We are just here to do the hard stuff I guess........

Forum: Blended Families


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  • 1 Post By Stepmom2Be
  • 1 Post By AtomicMama

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June 29th, 2013, 09:51 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,692
Need to whine right now I guess.

Hubby and I are here for all the hard stuff with the kids, while their other parent just gets to live their life. My ex sees ds when its convenient, blows him off when its not convenient and has excuses. My hubby's ex doesn't even see her kids, just calls when she is around her parents and has to.

I've been upset lately because my ex lives walking distance from me and his gf has a son who is my sons age. They get along good and now that its summer my ds wants to go over to his dad's and hang with the gf's son all the time. I know I shouldn't be upset, but I am. I know that if it was ds's friends I wouldn't be so hurt by him wanting to hang out all the time. But since its at his dads I am. Its like his dad doesn't have to deal with homework, activity schedules, or any of the other chaos of having kids. He just gets to sit back and have our son over now while someone else entertains him. If I say no I am the bad guy, but hello I would like to enjoy some fun time with our son too!!

Then bm and her parents called the kids yesterday. SD got off the phone and was telling us all about her new plans to move out there and go to college! We were asking her what happened to her plans of going to college with friends out here, etc. She said that she doesn't know. We also asked how she will go out there for college (out of state costs, housing, etc.) because we had planned on helping her with 2 years of community college while living here and an in state university afterwards. She was like "I have a bank account". We were like ummm...there is no $100,000 account sitting around for all this honey...and she looked kinda dumbfounded!

So I guess bm thinks that we can raise the kids, pay for everything, and do all the hard work. Then when they can take care of themselves they should just start their lives out by her so she can share the fun adult times with them and be around for when they get married and raise families.

So convenient for her.

I know I may be overreacting a bit. But I am just sad right now. I want to be able to enjoy when the kids are grown by having fun with them and watching them raise their own families. I know I got all the memories with them their whole childhoods, but I guess I want it all. lol.

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June 30th, 2013, 01:22 AM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,202

Your kids will know who was there when they think back about their childhood and remember all you've done for them.

Is having your ex's gfs son over to your place an option? That way he still gets to hang out with his friend but you don't miss out on time with him?
MommytoZoeAlyssa likes this.
Jennifer - Married to Eric 3.10.13 - Full Time Stepmom to OwenPregnant with our first together <3 Due July 12, 2015
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June 30th, 2013, 07:34 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,692
Thanks. I know they will. I just always pictured them growing up and living nearby, where we could get together often. Big sundsy dinners, family holidays, me spoiling grandkids, just hanging out. Justmakes me sad to think of any of them moving far. And it makes me jealous to think of losing the chance to enjoy ttheir adult life because someone who didn't botherwith them when they were growing up can get it all.

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June 30th, 2013, 06:59 PM
pmdc5286's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: GA
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We are the not fun parents x3. Sean's dad NEVER sees him. Ever. We have to cover everything for him and do everything.

Dani's dad has a bad case of the Disney Dad Syndrome and only does fun stuff when he has her. He will not pay anything above Child Support (a whopping 48/week), including braces. We pay it all and do it all for her too. She is being baptized next weekend and he said he would not get her so she was sure to get to the church on time. I doubt he shows.

Robert's mom has not seen him since Mother's day because I refuse to drive a grand total of 4 hours to take him to her. We are doing the receiving parent picks up deal with her. He wants to see his mom. She called him for a grand total of 5 mins Thursday, on his birthday. She is coming to get him this weekend and will get to see him a grand total of 2 weeks before we have to get him to start getting things for school to start on Aug 5.

We buy all of the kids' school supplies, shoes, clothes etc. The way his mom and Dani's dad restock their clothes supply is to keep the clothes that they come in because they fit and return them in too little, inappropriate clothes. I know it is bad, but we have gotten to where we send him in border line clothes on the days he rides the bus to her house because we will never see them. We keep his good clothes here. Dani's dad will send her home is her sister's panties (sis is 17) and clothes way to little, tight etc for a 10 y/o. We never get her bras back either.

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July 1st, 2013, 09:23 AM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,754
I just keep reminding myself, hoping, and praying, that one day, one day they will really get it. Sure, maybe college, even the end of high school, they will hang out with the other parent. Maybe they will think they are fun and cool. But one day, they will grow up and wake up and the kids we poured our hearts, soles, energy, effort, stress, worry, work, and money into will be amazing adults. They will look back and they will understand. They will know where everything came from. They will know who shaped and molded them. Sure, we've all messed up, but they will forgive that.

When your DSD, who you raised and cared for and adore, has her own baby girl, I am certain it will be YOU that she calls at 4 am when she needs help or advice or just the comfort and support of a mother's voice.

In that, I take heart.
MommytoZoeAlyssa likes this.
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