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I HATE Holiday Visitation

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  • 1 Post By AtomicMama
  • 1 Post By Stepmom2Be

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July 3rd, 2013, 08:17 AM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,754
I hate hate hate the way DH's visitation for DSD is set up for Holidays. They split all major holidays just about in half. For Christmas, one parent gets her from noon on the 24th to noon on the 25th and the other parent gets her noon on the 25th to noon on the 26th (they rotate years as to who gets which 24 hour period). I get that it's nice that they each get to see her on Christmas, and right now, that's not my major complaint. Thanksgiving is.

This year, Thanksgiving falls in the middle of our week (we have her from 6 pm the Sunday before to 6 pm the Sunday after, just normal visitation). However, her mom gets Thanksgiving, which means she gets her from 6 pm Wednesday to 6 pm Friday, and then we get her from 6 pm Friday to 6 pm Sunday (which doesn't really matter, as it falls in our week anyway).

Last year, we spent Thanksgiving with DH's family. This year, we've been planning to go to my parents' house for the holiday. Our wedding is December 28th, and DH and I have Wed through Fri of Thanksgiving off (plus the weekend), so we would have a nice long break to finish up the last minute wedding details, since we won't get back up there unitl Christmas, and that is so close to the wedding. Perfect idea, right?

Well, because of the stupid split in the visitation, I have NO IDEA how we are going to make this work, unless DH leaves early, which means I'm left doing all the wedding stuff alone. The thing is, if it was JUST this year, we could figure it out (and I'm sure we will). We could drop her off a few hours early. We could just let her mom keep her those extra 2 days, or we could have DH's sister pick her up, and she could visit with her grandparents. Or, if it came to it, DH could go back and get her. It's just so frustrating because it means we will NEVER get to be with my family as a family. We'll always have to work through these stupid half way swithces. My parents will never get Christmas Eve or Christmas with their grandkids. I get why it was set up that way, and it worked until I came along with my family living so far away. I'm not mad at anyone. Just sad about the situation.

Side note: My parents live 12 hours away from us, so when we go see them, we really do need an extended period of time. For us to go and be back to pick her up Friday would mean we'd drive all day Wednesday, be there Thursday, and leave super early Friday morning to get back.
Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)

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July 3rd, 2013, 10:15 AM
MommytoZoeAlyssa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: KY
Posts: 6,027
Hate to hear this. Have you guys talked about switching this around at all?
My ex and I alternate all major holidays except for christmas and I get her on christmas eve (thats when my family has always done our stuff) and he gets her Christmas Day. Not sure how easy it is to work with but maybe have your DF to ask his ex if you guys could have her on thanksgiving this year? Hope you get something worked out!

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July 3rd, 2013, 10:35 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Location: Wisconsin
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July 3rd, 2013, 12:15 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
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Thanks guys Zoe's Mommy, we'll probably present it to her as her choice to either have DSD come with us and miss the whole holiday (and offer her some extra time where she wants it) or else to keep DSD the entire time we are gone or to let my SIL pick her up Friday and keep her for the weekend. Part of it is, BM is VERY manipluative, and DH doesn't trust her at all with anything not in writing. Additionally, he gets very nervous about not doing exactly what he is supposed to or more in the court order because he worries about losing time with DSD (I guess MO is a very mom-friedly state?). Hopefully she agrees to some solution for this year, but I know DH won't be happy coming up with a verbal agreement for all subsequent years, you know?
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Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)

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July 3rd, 2013, 02:03 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,202
This is how our visitation is set up. I never thought about it much, because DH's family only lives an hour away. This year Christmas falls during BM's week. We have O for Christmas day, which means we pick him up at 10am Christmas day. Funny thing is that BM's dumb lawyer never put in the agreement when we have him until. I know she's going to try for like.. that night.

Here's an idea that we have done for the last 2 years and it works well.

We do Pre-Christmas. Think about it. For us, O has 3 families. BM's, DH's, and mine. That's a lot of gifts. So the Saturday before Christmas, I have my family and DH's family all over to our house. We do a fun little gift exchange, and we eat, and we spend time together. Then whatever day we have O, Christmas eve or day, we go out to DH's families house. So usually, my parents don't see O much on Christmas eve or day, but last year, when we got back from DH's family's house on Christmas eve, we stopped over my parents with him.

I know 12 hours away is far and it sucks not being able to guarantee holiday time with your family. But maybe a Pre-Christmas would be an option in your situation? At least until things change?
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Jennifer - Married to Eric 3.10.13 - Full Time Stepmom to OwenPregnant with our first together <3 Due July 12, 2015
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July 5th, 2013, 08:58 AM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,692
Holiday visitation is rough. My ex and I luckily have always been able to work things out and not need to follow the court order. Hopefully your husband will get to that point with his ex.

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July 8th, 2013, 07:22 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 972
Holiday visitation is tricky. I hope you guys will be able to work something out.
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July 8th, 2013, 07:42 AM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
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Jennifer, unfortunately, our families don't want to make it easy on us My mom/my family doesn't want to miss out on the holidays with the grandkids, which I get. They are used to getting to see DS for an entire week at Christmas. With work schedules and such, if we did pre-Christmas, they would barely get a day with travel and everything. It's just really hard for us to get up there for a weekend, you know? Plus, my mom (who can be unreasonable, but I kind of understand it) wants to be able to have Christmas Eve or Christmas with the family. I really think if it was JUST Christmas, we could find a way to make it work, you know? We could do early or celebrate over New Years (even when New Years is BMs holiday she doesn't take it) or something. But it's EVERY.SINGLE.HOLIDAY. It's not fair to my family, and it's not fair to me, that we NEVER get to really see them for a holiday (assuming the schedule stays the same and DH doesn't give up some time). Every major holiday ends up split 50/50, so we'd never be able to go to see them because we'd have to be back to drop DSD off or pick her up

Like I said, though, I know we will work it out Trying to work holidays when you get married is hard enough, and for now I'm just frustrated that this is adding a whole new level or impossible for us, haha. Hopefully we can sort something out, even if it's just on a year by year basis.
Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)

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