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Have you ever thought about what would happen to the kids if...

Forum: Blended Families


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September 5th, 2013, 12:29 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,692
you or your spouse died?

Like if you have a child and your spouse is the other "parent" to them because your ex is a deadbeat. Or if you are raising your step kid(s) full time. Or even if you just had your step kid(s) every other weekend.

Would you want your spouse to raise your child? Would you want to raise your step kid(s) that your spouse has custody of? Would you want to continue every other weekend visitation with your stepkid(s)?

And what are the laws on that?

I have thought of that before. Like god forbid something happened to my hubby. Would the kids I have raised for most of their lives be shipped to their BM who has rarely been around? Could I get custody and continue to raise them?

Do you know anyone who has been in this situation?

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September 5th, 2013, 01:13 PM
pmdc5286's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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In your situation, if you could prove that bio-mom is unfit AND all the grandparents or other family is unable to care for them, you should be able to get them. I have a friend who got custody of her DSS in the divorce. I almost had my ex-h DD in our divorce, but her maternal grandmother was able to care for her. I actually went to court with her grandmother and testified against my ex.

If something were to happen to me, Sean would definitely go to my parents and if they can't handle him, he would go to my sister. Dani's dad would probably not opt to get her and let her go with Sean. He does not want to be a full time dad.

I would gladly keep Robert, but in all honesty, he would probably go to Jonah's sister.

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September 5th, 2013, 01:49 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Our agreement is Reme goes to which ever biological parent is still alive, and the step parent is to remain as much as part of his life as he wishes.

So if DH died, Reme could still come see me, call me, talk to me etc. It doesn't matter if DH and I have a sibling for him or not.

If something was to happen to L.. same thing just opposite.

It's even been discussed what would happen if something happend to BOTH of his biological parents.. and likely we'll get that put in writing next year as we figure both of their parents would want him... but they want M or I to have him.

I am sure there are laws in place... but in our case it wouldn't matter because we get along like a big family anyway.
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September 5th, 2013, 02:14 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
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When I finish my Will, DH will get DS if anything were to happen to me, God forbid! Once he adopts him, that will be guaranteed anyway.

With DSD, it's different. She would go to her mom. And I would fight with everything I have to get visitation. No clue if I would or not, but I would fight for it.
Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)

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September 5th, 2013, 08:14 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
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If BM died, obviously Dh and I would have O full time.

If something every happened to DH, I am pretty sure that BM would get him. I could fight for visitation though.

Also- I am very close with DH's family, and I am sure they would fight for and win some sort of visitation with him, which I could see him then too.
Jennifer - Married to Eric 3.10.13 - Full Time Stepmom to OwenPregnant with our first together <3 Due July 12, 2015
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September 6th, 2013, 11:04 AM
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Thankfully dh adopted my dd so there's no issue there. That's one of the main reasons I fought to have my ex give up his parental rights. I wanted my dd in a safe environment if something happened to me.

Sadly if dh pass, I would never see dsd again nor would my kids. Well I guess not ever but not until she's 18 & out on her own. Her bio mom is so jealous that she would never let us have a relationship. Thankfully dsd only has a little over 3 years to go until she's 18.

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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September 7th, 2013, 05:30 PM
HippieLove's Avatar Modern Day Brady Bunch
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This is why I want Loz to adopt my kids, I fear what would happen if something happened to me, their Dad just isn't capable. I dare say my Mother would fight for custody hopefully... As for him, if God forbid his ex would get them but I would still see them. They're old enough to be able to ask to see me (14 and 9) and I know they would.

♥ Isla Rae Due August 28th

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September 9th, 2013, 11:39 AM
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My dsd is almost 15. She's old enough to ask to see me and I know she would. She loves me & her brother & sister. But that doesn't mean her mom would let her.

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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September 9th, 2013, 12:40 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
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I doubt BM would ever let me see this kids, even though Audrey is their sister..
if anything happened to her we would get them for sure, and if anything happened to me, DH obviously would take care of Audrey but his whole life would have to change, he can't work in the oilfield and be gone half the time and raise Audrey.

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