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  • 3 Post By stresswife
  • 1 Post By *Kiliki*

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September 19th, 2013, 06:05 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,617
So, tonight dh was talking to the kids on the phone. My youngest dss (4.5) was talking first. Out of the blue, he said, "Mommy said that Bradley is going to be our new daddy."

Since we have some new faces, I'll give some back story: Bradley is bm's non-boyfriend - as in, they've been dating/hooking up for two and a half? three? years but won't call each other boyfriend/girlfriend publicly because ???. He's been fairly forthcoming about the fact that he has zero interest in being a part of the kids' lives from the beginning, and while he sounds like he's nice to the kids when he's around them, he generally avoids spending time with them and the vast majority of the time that he spends time with bm, he'll wait until they're in bed or otherwise not with her. He's also, apparently, told bm that he "loves her" but he "can't" marry her because his mom hates her or something - which, let's be real. If a man in his mid-thirties tells you he really loves you but can't marry you because of his mother, he's either a) full of crap, and using his overbearing mother as a convenient excuse because the reality is he just likes the easy hook up but has no interest in being a stepparent or b) he comes from a hugely enmeshed, boundariless family of origin and his mommy is WAY too involved in his life (and he's way too willing to allow her to be). Personally, I'm betting on a little of both in this situation. Needless to say, in her own words, there are "no plans for anything serious" between them.

Don't get me wrong - a single guy has every right to NOT want to be a stepfather to five, and she has every right to date whoever she wants to date. Not my business, not my problem. It does irritate us a little because she's obviously not THAT okay with the fact that it's super casual and without any real investment on his part. She's been making comments about convincing him he needs her for years, has been making subtle comments about him *adopting* the kids for years and generally forces as much face time between the kids and him as possible (he's the music minister for their church so every single event, summer camp, small musical groups, etc. that he organizes, the kids get signed up for) - it's like she thinks if she forces him to get to know them, he'll change his mind. It's the second time she's gotten them all hyped up like she's going to marry someone (even if she doesn't *say* that the way she forces boyfriends into their lives implies it). We're also not stoked about the fact that she's setting the example a) for the girls that it's healthy to pathetically chase after some guy who has no interest in being with you or treating you well but hangs around just enough to keep dangling the carrot so he can get laid and b) for the boys that that's how you treat women. I really wish, if she were going to run around with this guy, that she would just keep it separate from the kids.

Anyway... so, youngest dss says that. Dh says, "Oh? That's news to me!" and dss says, "Yeah, Mommy said it on the phone." In the background, bm is frantically shoving my 7 yo dsd onto the phone. She says, "Um... S was... just kidding? Mommy didn't say that?" Off in the background, dss again says, "Yes, she did!"

It's pretty comical, given the nature of her relationship with the guy. Honestly, we (dh included) would be thrilled if she were to marry a man who loved her and loved the kids and treated them well. No one else will be adopting them any time soon, contrary to bm's delusional wishes, but we have no qualms with a loving male figure being in the home with them.

So, yeah... good luck with that, bm.

*Excitedly expecting baby girl number two!*

Thank you to Babydoll213 for my fabulous siggie!
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September 19th, 2013, 06:38 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 972
That's a kids hear everything moment! Hopefully she will get a wake up call and find someone that loves her and the kids!
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September 19th, 2013, 09:19 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,202
haha nice.

I feel ya. We feel that if BM finds a guy to marry her, O might have a more stable life there. Might give her a reason to become stable.

I kind of feel like your BM is similar to ours. For that I am sorry! lol
Jennifer - Married to Eric 3.10.13 - Full Time Stepmom to OwenPregnant with our first together <3 Due July 12, 2015
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September 20th, 2013, 03:41 AM
HippieLove's Avatar Modern Day Brady Bunch
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Location: Down Under
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Oh dear

♥ Isla Rae Due August 28th

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September 22nd, 2013, 10:19 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3,769
haha! He's a youth minister and he's having a casual sexual relationship with her? hmmm lol
pmdc5286, AtomicMama and Keakie like this.

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September 23rd, 2013, 07:19 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Near the land of cream cheese
Posts: 5,617
Tell me about it! My guess is that's part of the hesitance to be a normal, public couple. Their church is full of "old people" (according to my dsc) and he knows he has no intention of putting a ring on it, so to speak, so it's better for him to be able to play it off like they're just good friends or something because it means he doesn't have to answer any questions about why they're not married.

*Excitedly expecting baby girl number two!*

Thank you to Babydoll213 for my fabulous siggie!
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September 23rd, 2013, 08:20 AM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,754
I keep thinking exactly what stresswife said. It does NOT sound like becoming behavior of the music minister at the church. I think you're definitely right in that being a big part of why she wouldn't want to date publicly.

On her end, I can't imagine being with someone who didn't also love and accept DS. When I met DH, I did wait until I knew things were serious before DS met him (and he wasn't even 2 at the time). I get wanting to separate a new relationship from the kids. But it doesn't sound like she's trying to keep it separate, and it doesn't sound like a new relationship. I agree with you, it's a terrible lesson for the kids! And it has to be so confusing to the younger ones. Fortunately, they all have you and your DH to look to for an amazing example
Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)

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October 3rd, 2013, 12:29 PM
*Kiliki*'s Avatar i have absolute power
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: By a Cornfield, Nebraska
Posts: 26,495
I still can't get over her saying that she wants him to adopt them...umm she can't do that without your dh's consent and does she really think he'd consent to that??? LOL I'd be questioning her mental status....
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Kristy, wife to Karl 6.16.01, Mom to Raianna 12.7.00, Elyse 12.3.02 and Helena 7.20.07, step-mom to Frankie 7.3.97 and step-grandma to October 3.9.15

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October 3rd, 2013, 09:34 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
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Originally Posted by *Kiliki* View Post
I still can't get over her saying that she wants him to adopt them...umm she can't do that without your dh's consent and does she really think he'd consent to that??? LOL I'd be questioning her mental status....
no need to question. She's certifiably cucoo and makes no secret of it.

Geeze Kayla... I really can't believe this woman!
1798 Days to Conceive our Miracle!
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