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My Dh is so easy on his 14 yrold!! AAgh!!!

Forum: Blended Families


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April 22nd, 2005, 08:28 AM
abbezma's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 56
Hi everyone! I need to vent! I have been married to my Dh for a year and a half, been with him for 3 years now..and we have a beautiful 5 month old DD.He has a DD,14 , from a previos relationship.
My problem is since we have been together I have noticed how easy he is on her and she is basically a good kid but I think she needs some borders and rules set up when she visits every second w/e i.e. chores..I get so frustrated because she doesn't do anything without being told and I find her interaction with my DD , her little sister, weird, when people are around, her Dad, she makes a fuss but i have noticed how she can totally ignore her as well...i know it might be a little jeolousy....but it bothers me that my DH doesn't see it..he let her take baby for a walk, for the first time i must add with roller blades on, she is not that good at rollerblading and I was fuming he lets her stay on computer for 3 hours at a time.
Anyway sorry so long there is just so much i would like to say but it would be pages long. We had a disagreement again because i wanted to set up some rules with chores etc..I find he just babies her and in his eyes she can do no wrong... i know he feels guilty because she grew up without him ,not his choice..but i think it is time to get over it..i dread the w/e she comes because i get so frustrated with HIM for not being consistent and I could really use the help with a new baby in the house. i just hate laziness..

I Love My Baby!!
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April 22nd, 2005, 09:00 AM
magilatuzzi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Vancouver Island, British Columbia
Posts: 4,599
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My SO is easy on his girls when they are here too, but gives me s##t sometimes saying i am too easy on my boys at times! It is so frustrating! I think it is a guilt thing too, and I dont really have any advice for you, since I am not sure what to do myself! About all i can say is keep trying! You are right, kids, especially 14 year olds need boundries! Maybe try a quiet time when he is in a good mood to try and talk about it?..
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DS Drew, 04/94, DS Braden, 10/97, DS Nick, 07/99, DD Danika 07/06, DD Gabriella 11/07,
DSD Rayelle 03/97, DSD Seryna, 06/01
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June 28th, 2005, 06:43 AM
Posts: n/a
I wrote a big "vent" story yesterday. Thank GOD, my hubby's kids are now past 21!
I had the hardest time with them when they were teenagers. I taught all of my minor kids to clean up after themselves (no food or drink anywhere in the house other than the kitchen and dining room). His then 18 year old son throws himself onto the couch in the livingroom with a plate full of food and a soda in his hand. He spilled the entire soda (Coke) onto our white carpet and DID NOT clean it up. He threw his used dishes in the sink, knowing that in our household everybody is supposed to wash their own dishes, etc...I had just had twin boys and there were these grown kids, completely spoiled, not moving a muscle, arrrggghhhh. His dad at the time did not tell him to do anything and I felt like a complete b**ch for complaining about his behavior.
My hubby finally "disowned" his son from the first marriage after a hateful email he wrote to him, claiming that he and his sister always had to do everything in the house while dh was "passed out drunk on the couch", that they "had to wash their own clothes in a washing machine with floating, dead mice"....My kids would never act like that and I saw no way of getting acustomed to "his" kids' strange behavior. I felt like the wicked step-mom for the longest time but no more. I know I tried everything to cater to his kids without success. I finally gave up trying. Last time we got a call from his daughter, there was a high-pitched voice on the phone saying: " Hi, may I speak with Kit?" I thought it was a saleperson trying to sell a mortgage. No "hi Siobhán, it's Leah, how are you doing, may I speak with Dad?"
During the course of my hubby's conversation I realized it was his daughter...I guess it was the final straw to let go of his kids for good. We are not in touch with them anylonger and I'm supposed to be the bad guy, even though they never gave me a chance!
Sorry so long....
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