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could use some advice...

Forum: Blended Families


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October 11th, 2005, 11:48 AM
butterflygirlie's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: South Jersey
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hi, new to this particular board.

i have been with my bf for just about a year now and we are talking about geting married (and expecting!!) he has a 5 yr old daughter and we only get to see her every other weekend. she is such a good kid and i just fell in love with her the day i met her. but the problem is her mother has been dating the guy she's with for probably about 4 years and they have a 2 yr old together. but when my bf's daughter comes with us on the weekends she talks about her mom and the bf but refers to him as daddy. which really upsets my bf so we explain to her as best we can that she only has one daddy and cannot have two. i just think the mother drills it in to her to call the other guy daddy...
well she comes over and asks me if she can call me mommy because she doesn't like her mom because she is mean. or when bf and i get married she'll have a new mom. and i tell her she can't, and i feel really bad saying she can't but i'll explain she can't have two mommies, but i'll always love her. but then she'll say things like when my mom dies or if something happens to my mom can you be my mom..

i just don't know how to answer her when she says that and i just draw a blank but it really makes me wonder what kind of environment she is living in with her mother and i don't know how to bring it up with my bf about the things she says to me.
it just makes me sad and confused. can anyone help??
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October 11th, 2005, 12:32 PM
magilatuzzi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Vancouver Island, British Columbia
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that is a pretty powerful statement from a little girl! Do you think maybe she is getting pushed to the side over the 2 year old? Could cause alot of resentment i would think......
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October 11th, 2005, 12:43 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Indiana
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I have three stepkids that call me by my first name. But they tell everyone that they have 2 moms. I'm the one raising them, so I am more of a mom to them than their biological mom. Maybe your stepdaughter could call you Mommy and your first name and she could do the same with her mom's bf.

Maybe you and your bf should talk to her more about what's going on at home with her mom. I wonder about what she sees that makes her call her mom mean and talk about her dying.

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October 11th, 2005, 12:45 PM
butterflygirlie's Avatar Veteran
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that's very possible. she is always telling me how 'bad' it is at home but will never elaborate and just gets frustrated and says nevermind or forget it. but then i wonder, how bad can it be for a 5 yr old? and how much of it is actually bad or just her interpretetion of bad. she does say she gets yelled at for not putting her toys away or cleaning up her room...but i don't know. my bf or i aren't yellers. she comes to our house and we don't even have to ask her to put her toys away or make her bed, she just does it. and if we have to ask her she'll do it. i couldn't imagine her being any other way at home. i don't know. i think i'm just rambling. sorry.
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