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October 3rd, 2011, 11:35 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
i still kinda second guess myself if im doing it right or not

So i texted aaron over the weekend to tell him that i ended up picking up ava winter coat..I only picked it up because I went to a store further away and saw it (the ones closer to me didnt have pink or wasnt a 0-3)

I told him i didt want him to think i was still shopping without him but felt i better get it now and regret it later..he said that he was sure he'd love it ..

I told him i couldnt go shopping in oct and november would be better and if he was okay with that..he said "forsure! and we will do lunch soon!"

i said "thats cool! itll give us a chance to talk more about ava" im assuming thats why we will do lunch before we even go shopping?

part of me is nervous to go to lunch but itll be nice to talk about ava and share excitment for her arrival in person rather then over the phone or text messages..even when we talked on the phone we talked about other things then ava..I guess i dont want to talk about those painful 6 weeks of his wife and him together..

him telling me we should only be friends hurt but it KILLED me when i later found out he was with her..its like we were replaced because of her.. im still hurt over it all..the fact what he said felt so cold and before he even knew it was going to work

the only thing i could probably get out on the subject (if its brought up) is that he hurt me..it still makes me emotional and i dont want to get upset/cry infront of him

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October 3rd, 2011, 01:14 PM
orrickster's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Bloomington, Illinois
Posts: 2,164
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Is than an agreement the 2 of you made, than any purchases made for Ava must be together? That seems kind of odd, seeing as how he won't see half of what she wears or uses or whatever. Is he planning on buying some things for his house? Like a highchair, crib (even though the plan is for her to not stay overnight with him till a year or so), toys, etc? If he is, then will you help him pick that stuff out? I'm not knocking it, just think it's weird, but if that's what works for you guys then so be it. It will help the relationship, but I hope all that being together won't do more harm than good for you.

The lunch would be good. You will always need to discuss Ava at different points in her life. I think it's better to do in person and not over phone or texting or whatever. Unless you have a very strained relationship and any documentations of conversations you'd need to keep, but you don't have that relationship. I would still advise you to keep records of any money he's given you or anything he's supplied for Ava, dates and times he has Ava, everything you've talked about and agreed to, etc. Again, things could go downhill after she is born and it could come with no warning signs.

Maybe that would be the time to discuss the things you were talking about here, if you haven't already? And hopefully he's okay with you getting a judge to sign papers for you.

I don't know about talking about your feelings about what he did to you. That's definitely a personal choice, whether that's something you feel comfortable with. And you know the guy too. Would he shut you down and be like "Listen, I don't want to hear it"? If that's the case then I would advise you not to bring it up, but again, you know him. Maybe he has some things he wants to tell you and you both will be able to talk freely.

I don't know. But good luck!

Steph (24)

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October 3rd, 2011, 01:50 PM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
He is the type to bring things up..my feelings etc..which is why im nervous cause i hope he doesnt ask me as its still a tough subject!

i still keep records of everything i buy ava alone and will keep whatever he buys etc as far as diapers etc..even if we are on the best of terms for years ill still continue to keep those records!!..

his sister is giving him a crib but he isnt in a rush to get it (since itll be awhile)

its hard to explain the whole buying stuff for ava together..its been something we planned on for awhile (even when she(wife) was in the picture) we both talked about it before the issue with his wife and it just kinda stuck which i dont mind
im sure us shopping for ava (the stuff will be going to my place mostly clothes,blankets,pjs) will be strictly ava talk.. and us saying if we like it or not..

maybe im overly thinking! and maybe itll end up being nice talking about ava and the things we should discuss..i guess if the issue of him with his wife was old it wouldnt be hard to talk about but its soo fresh!..

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