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November 18th, 2011, 02:30 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Ontario
Posts: 10,865

I always pass by this board, but never actually post. I guess that I am a bit ashamed of my situation, so I try to stay away from it. However, I see that it is probably best to surround myself with people who can understand and relate. I am not going to go into too much detail on the main board, but maybe in a locked board I will one day.

I am Ashley. I am 26, and have 3 kids. My oldest is 6yrs old, and my twins will be 4mths on the 25th.

I had my oldest at 20, and the relationship was really emotionally abusive and controlling. I ended up leaving him, moving out of the same suburb as him, bought a house, and vowed never to be put in that kind of situation again.

Then I met my recent ex, and the twins dad. Although he had issues (that he lied to me about the severity, but I quickly learned). Regardless, he was charming, nice, flattering, basically everything my ex was not. It turned into a debacle not long after, but he is very manipulative, and because of that I couldn't break free. I ended up staying with him for almost four years. Last year, after us being pretty much over, but not (if you know what I mean....you know it isn't going to work, but you still try regardless)... I ended up getting pregnant in November. I found out on his bday, and about a week later I told him. At first he was happy, but as soon as the reality of responsibility hit him in the face, and the fact that I wouldn't marry him, he soon started to deny the babies as being his. Then I found out it was twins shortly after, and for 8 weeks (12 week spregnant) he wasn't around other than to harass me.

I let him back in when I was just over 20 weeks pregnant, and 8 weeks later I kicked him out again (reasons I will get into in private another day). During those 8 weeks he was pressuring me to be with him, and work on a relationship. I told him that i wasn't ready to be with him, and that I needed to take it slow. Well, he gave me an ultimatum (and if you know what Ive been through with him, you will realize how unfair it was)...be with me or I move on. I got scared not wanting to be a single mom again, so I gave it a shot again, just to start feeling resentful and angry, and so I told him that I just wans't ready, and that I have waited for him to get his crap together so long, that it was his turn to do the same as our issues were solely caused by his actions. Well, no dice. He started acting like a complete jerk. He is "Christian" (I use that term loosely, as he doesn't act very good hearted). He would call me a horrible Christian, claiming that I wasn't premarital sex, and that I was unpure (umm I was 6mths pregnant with HIS kids at the time), and that he didn't want a secular girl with no values. I realize now that all of this was projection onto me about how he felt baout himself, but it still hurt. After 8 weeks total I kicked him out. A week later, said moral christian man, was dating someone else. She was a Christian girl, whom I assume was around long before I knew about it (hence the ultimatum, and various other hints along the way). I am still trying to wrap my head around that. It hurts me to the core that while I was carrying his kids, he was trying to make another relationship with someone else. I can see why the girl thought it was 'ok' but just can't at the same time. He told her that I ran around on him, and that they may not be his, but in the back of my mind I have to ask....even if that were true (which it is not) there is still a potential that this guy could have two kids coming. If that were me in that situation I would have told him to get his crap together, figure it out, and then maybe...but whatever.

Anyways, I let him back in at the beginning of July, three weeks before the twins were born. When he left I was 26 weeks pregnant, and when he came back I was almost 36. I let him in for the birth at 37 weeks, and he was a total sweetheart until we left the hospital. I had them on July 25th, and by August 12th he was gone, and I haven't seen or heard from him since. It is a good thing, but I struggle with it. Although he never loved me, I loved him, and he had betrayed me in every.single.way possible. He was in many ways abusive, but just a lot more subtle about it.

I am healing, but Ia m so scared about the future. I am a single mom of 3. I have 2 stupid exes. I feel like I will never be wanted by someone (even though I know there is a possibility, I know it is low). I am jsut working on myself right now, and taking care of my kids. I am lucky to have an amazing support system (aka, my sister and various other people), but it still is hard when I know it should be their father stepping up.
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November 18th, 2011, 03:13 PM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
welcome to the board! my name is sandy mommy to dylan(5),jessica (4) and ava will be here january 27th...

My older two lost their father in 2008 and ava daddy decided we werent dating anymore (before i was even 8 weeks pregnant)..for a short period of time he went back with his wife..

im really sorry for what you have been through with that jerk!..and are lucky to have a mommy like you...

your kids are beautifu btwl!!

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November 18th, 2011, 05:05 PM
my.estrella's Avatar Ashley
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,516
Welcome! My name is Ashley, I'm 23 and my daughter Kenna is two. And I'm currently pregnant with my second, who has a different father. Not my dream come true, ideal situation, but I work with what I have.

I'm sorry for the crap your previous relationships have put you through. Just look to the future and make it the best you can.
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November 18th, 2011, 08:12 PM
blueyedbabii's Avatar Blueyedbabii<3
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: WaRrEn, MI
Posts: 1,880
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Welcome! I'm nickie a mom looking for work and I have 1 child Jacob who's 6 and special needs. I homeschool with the help of my boyfriend who i've been with for 6 months

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November 18th, 2011, 09:36 PM
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: LaMarque, Tx
Posts: 43
Hi I am Brandy 29 mommy to Lil Joe 10 and Emily Rosemarie 6 and pregnant with #3 due in March. I am still married to thier father it was 11 years in Oct. but we have been split since Nov. but I tried to work on things from the end of May thru July I say I because I thought we were doing really good but he was still messing around with a girl that he had started seeing when I moved out of state from Feb.- May. We spilt back up the 1st week in July and I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks later He had the nerve to ask me if the baby was his. I got pregnant right after the kids and I moved back to the state but he was the only person I was with from the time I came home and for a month before that. So I have no doubt that he is the father and just because he was cheating on me doesn't mean I was cheating on him I really did and honestly still do love him and wanted my marriage to work but after him cheating on me I was done. He has his moments of being a Jerk and he has most recently had his moments of being really sweetie and finally has come around with this baby.
I'm sure there is someone out there for you and they will love you and your kids as if they are his own. Just take your time.
You will meet some very nice ladies here and get some great advice.
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November 18th, 2011, 09:53 PM
Hoping for baby #2
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,134
Hi I am Amelya expecting my first dec 5th and my boyfriend walked out when I was 33weeks pregnant. There are a lot of things in your post that I can relate too. I am currently trying to figure out how I put "me" back together and worry about everyone else later. My mom had 3 girls and did find mr. right so dont loose faith that you will find him some day. Just try not to loose yourself in the process.

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November 19th, 2011, 03:47 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
awwww what cute babies you have!!!

I'm sorry that your ex is such a jerk, and that you find yourself with reason to be here ((Hugs))

I'm Emma (28), Mummy to Gabrielle (5) and Emersyn (17mo)

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November 19th, 2011, 10:01 PM
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 24

Your babies are absolutely ADORABLE! Congrats!

As for the rest-- hang in there. Keep working on yourself and the pieces will fall into place.

Tina in California
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November 20th, 2011, 11:49 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,925
Welcome ! I'm Traci Mom to Brendan he's 7 yrs old . So sorry you had to go thru this !

I ended up leaving Brendan dad when Brendan was 6 months old at times I wish I had left him when I was still pregnant but I had a belief that he would be more there for us once when Brendan was born but instead he wasn't he became really mean and even more self-centered .

Your kids are absolutely adorable !

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November 21st, 2011, 02:25 PM
orrickster's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Bloomington, Illinois
Posts: 2,164
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Welcome! I'm Steph and I have a 2 year old son, Kaisen. Sorry about what you have been through. Hopefully things will get easier as time goes on.

Steph (24)

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November 24th, 2011, 05:30 PM
Bekah's Avatar happy 2 be a girl mommy!
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,842

I'm Rebekah(22) mama to Sophia (3.5) and Eden (2) and expecting #3 in april. Sorry your ex was such a jerk!

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November 24th, 2011, 11:07 PM
Alaska-Su's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Fairbanks, AK
Posts: 2,352
Welcome! Definitely agree with everyone else that your babies are adorable!

So sorry things went the way they did for you. It sucks any of us have to be here, but at least there's people who can relate.

I'm Sarah, mommy to my first who was born on my birthday on November 12th via c-section after 48 hours of labor. Been single since pretty much the beginning of the pregnancy but it was official at 10 weeks.

Thanks Tasha_Mae for my siggy!!

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