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April 2nd, 2012, 09:02 AM
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1
Hey everybody. I'm new to this group and I just need somewhere that I can talk to people who understand what I'm going through. I'm 22 and have a 13 month old son. His father and I split up when I was pregnant because he is a drug addict. He has never been to see our son, Liam. I have never prevented it, but he never came when Liam was young and then he went to a rehab center when Liam was 2 months old until today. He gets out today and is intending to come visit for the first time in about 3 weeks. I'm very glad that he is doing good things with his life and everything, but I have gotten to a place where I'm very happy with the way my life is without him and it scares me to have him come visit. He lives in another state, so he won't be around too often anyway.

I guess it is just hard to have all these transitions, and it is hard to be a single mom anyway. I live with my mom and I'm a full time student, I'm in nursing school. So between school and trying to raise a toddler (He just started walking) and being stressed about money and David (Liam's father) coming around it's just making things hard and no one really understands. It is also hard because I still care about his dad but I don't want to ever be with him again. Too much happened for me to ever trust him again.

The other thing that really has been frustrating is he called the other day and wants me to send him Liam's footprints from the hospital when he was born because he wants to get a tattoo of them. He made it into this huge deal that he wants is ASAP so he can get it done right away (maybe even before he comes to visit). It is so frustrating because he has money to spend on a tattoo, but has never sent me a penny to help out with Liam. Also, who gets a tattoo for a child they have never even met?!?! I just am so pissed and his priorities are obviously completely screwed up and if he knew what being a parent was about he wouldn't think like that.
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April 2nd, 2012, 06:20 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
welcome to the board! I'm Emma (28), Mummy to Gabrielle (5) & Emersyn (21mo)...

I can definitely see why things are stressful for you, and you're feeling awkward about it all - it can't be easy to get on with things without him - and then all of a sudden have him wanting to be let back in.

DON'T let him boss you around, that is the one piece of advice I have to give. I know it can be hard to say no, and easy to let them get their own way, but at the end of the day it makes things harder for you. When he visits, I would sit him down and tell him where things stand, what YOUR requirements are for him being a part of your sons life (if that's the step he wants to take)... don't just let him step into being a Dad, make him work for it - make him prove himself to you AND to your little Liam.

One of the big things I would be bringing up, is child support. If he wants to be involved he NEEDS to be responsible for his child....

We are all here for you! Feel free to vent, or ask advice, or get our thoughts on things we've all been there!

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April 6th, 2012, 11:58 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,925
Hi there and welcome here. I'm Traci Mom to Brendan who is 7 1/2 yrs old. That is a tough situation as I believe dads if they have money for other things they should put it towards child support.

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newbie, rant

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