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my 9 year needs help. Not sure where to start

Forum: Mental Health


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  • 1 Post By Kirss1

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November 3rd, 2012, 10:53 PM
Kirss1's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 822
My nine year old told me today that he thinks about killing his dad and I. I asked him how. He said he started thinking about it when he heard something on the news about how a 9 year old killed his dad while he slept.

A little back info is:
we've had trouble with friends since kindergarden he can't seem to make any
We have had him assesed, and it came back borderline ADHD
he his high Anixety. Not dignosed, however there are several times he says his heart is hurting, or racing and he can't calm down.
He doesn't treat people around him very well. Talks back all the time, and always has to have his way or he gets down right mean and nasty.
He has a caring side to him, and can be gentle. But we don't see this very often.
He makes poor choices and ends up in trouble constant.

I need help, I have no idea where to go what to think. I have two other children ages 4 & 2. He constatly fights with both.

He told me tonight he wants help. Help now because he cannot control what he thinks and it makes him feel helpless.
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November 4th, 2012, 10:14 AM
Kirss1's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 822
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November 7th, 2012, 09:29 PM
Kirss1's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 822
So we went to the dr on Monday. Dr says that my 9 year old is depressed. We will do some testing with a child theripist later in the Month. She wants him started on meds ASAP. But won't decide on what meds till the referal goes through. Right now we are trying some stuff to get him sleeping better at night. And so far so good. Went right to bed and was out before his brother all this week. That never happens.

DH and I had a meeting with the school. I wanted them to know that something was up, but didn't give the detials. We explained that bully issue is still a problem. I told him that I was done laying blame on my child and ready to take action. He went all defencive on me. Sticking up for his teachers and what not. He explained that he would be speaking with his teachers (he has 3 different ones) and telling them to keep an eye out. I told him the school has not helped in 5 years, its time I find the help my son needs.

today my son comes home and tells me yet again that a teacher has called him a bully. Told him that he often bullies his friends.

What the hell is wrong with these teachers???? Why do I have to have my child see a theripest and medicate him for depression to attend school. What the heck is a parent to do in this situation????
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November 17th, 2012, 07:38 PM
Kirss1's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 822
I get that no one has replied on this thread, but Im finding its my good place to vent. We live in a small town and I can't just vent to anyone without suffering the small town syndrome. So I thank JM for this "Safe place"

Friday I pulled my son out for half a day at school and here's what happend.
He called his dad from school crying his eyes out again, telling DH about how the 4 boys found him in the hallway and started pushing him around. Saying things in a low tone that he coudln't hear but thought it was funny because they all were laughing so hard. A teacher came around the coner and the issues stopped without the teacher even knowing what was happeing. Go figure.
Later in the lunch room they started pushing and shoving again because they have to share a microwave. I guess one of the bullies dropped something was picking it up and my DS stepped in front of him and tried to use it. To which he was shoved out of the way by the bully's friend and words were exchanged again. The end of lunch found my DS running to the phone when no teachers were looking because they don't ever listen anyways. (My DS words not mine) He called dad who called me because I work right at the school (But not with the school) anyways. I could boot it down to the office faster than him coming to the school. When I came into the office I found the pricapal in the office with my DS. I asked what was going on here? To which the princapal replied, that's my question too. My DS confirmed what my DH had told me on the phone. I told the P that this has got to stop I've had enough. My DS has had enough too. I'm tired of my DS getting blamed all the time. Its sick. The P reminded me that there are always two sides to each story, and that he would get to the bottom of it later in the day because he was responsible for 40 + students in the gym at the moment. Thats funny cause if my son had done this to anyone else he would have sat in the office missing out on his lunch, and those boys get to do whatever they please. The P told me that a bigger consaquence should be happening, and that he can't decide that on his own. Fine. I told him that my son woudln't be coming back because he doesn't feel safe in the school and a lack of supervision proves to be an adding factor in this case. He will come with me. We decided that we would have a meeting later with my DH later in the day. I took my DS home.

We were called back to the office and we talked about what the P had found. He spoke with the teachers and officed this: "Your son has a tendancy to be annoying to the other students and take the teacher roll when the other do not what him too." I told him he sound really petty at that moment. I told him that I've seen many children assume the teacher roll many times. To which he replied no, I was wrong that didn't happen all the tme.
Regardless it isn't an excuse to treat another person anyway you wish. He reconsized that there is a bully issue among these 3 boys and my DS. After 5 years of fighting, fighting, fighting.....I heard it. I reminded the P that my DS was not going to tell anyone what happed this day. And the only reason the P was signing a different tune was because he questoned all the boys + one bystander and it was the bystander who burst the bubble by confirming what the boys had done. This is the second time in two years they took on my son. The first time my DS fought back and wound up in the office. And in BIG trouble. Not this time. I wasn't gonna let it happen.
So we hear that the boys will be seeing the school guidance councler and talking about bully vs Victim. That all parents have been notified of the situation and all parents are supportive in helping the process.

we will see what happens.
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November 18th, 2012, 07:23 PM
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did not know the first part of this story, you didn't share that the other day. I am glad that the P is finally recongnizing that something needs to be done.

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November 22nd, 2012, 06:55 AM
Kirss1's Avatar Super Mommy
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so DS has been invited to a birthday party for today. All week he has been coming home telling us how two of the bullies have also been invited. The two have been telling the Birthday boy that they are going to beat my DS up at the party and he shouldn't have invitied him at all. So the birthday boy told my DS that they were going to have a snowball fight outside, and that my DS would be alone, while everyone would be on the other team.

I told DS he should simply not go, and he was more than welcome to keep the birthday gift we bought the boy for himself. If thats how friends are going to act then why not. DS tells me he never gets invited because the bullies stop the other children from inviting him and he really wants to be included. He told me that if anything happens that he isn't okay with then he will call me and I'll come get him right away.

This is just sick.
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November 22nd, 2012, 07:53 PM
Kirss1's Avatar Super Mommy
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Birthday Party went a-okay. And he had fun which is great!! I can go to bed happy tonight.
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November 22nd, 2012, 09:17 PM
Dhartanya's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: North Delta, BC & Tucson, Arizona
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Have you thought of looking into home schooling for your son? And then finding social groups outside of the public school system?

Especially in small towns, its VERY hard to have schools change. You are fighting a very uphill battle.

There are many homeschooling groups and other activities that your son could be a part of so not only he could make friends, he could work on social skills.
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November 25th, 2012, 08:38 PM
Kirss1's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
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I have often thought about Home schooling. But I do have a full time job that my family of 5 depend on. I know for a fact this would be an ideal way to go, but we simply cannot afford to live on one income. Up hill battle doesn't decribe the hell we are going through. This wednesday we have a dr apt, and hopefully we will shed some light on the other issues my son is dealing with. There is word that my hubby's office will be downsizing soon, and maybe a move to a larger city is in our cards for next year. We have had our bebt completly paid off, and have a fresh start for the new year. So I guess we will see where those cards fall.
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November 28th, 2012, 07:52 PM
Kirss1's Avatar Super Mommy
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So our Apt today turned some postivie results. We saw a child Phycogoligst. (SP) She doesn't believe DS has ADHD. However, she is strongly concerned with the fact the school has dropped the ball in my DS case. She will continue seeing my DS once a month and keep in contact with the school on what process they are doing there. It was good to see the look of shock on her face once we told her of all the things my child has been through and is going through. When I told her the P had called my son's behaviour Annoying she almost fell out of her chair!!!

Im not sure what is up next, but I'm thinking a letter to the Division on how the school is truly handling bullying issue here. And how the teachers should be held accountable. Calling a child a Jerk, and telling a parent their child is Annoying......is unbeivable.
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January 16th, 2013, 07:36 PM
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
Hi Kirss. I'm new here and was just reading through your thread. I'm sorry things have been so difficult for you and your family but I'm happy to see that it looks like you've found some help and hopefully things will start to turn around for you. My daughter is the same age as your son and has had some issues with bullies too. Nothing serious or physical - just girls being cruel - but mine has always been sensitive and she doesn't know how to handle people saying mean things. I often feel helpless because I can't hold her hand through her school day and you can't tell other parents how to raise their kids (unfortunately) so I just try to keep telling her to make sure that she continues to treat other kindly and to stay away from kids who are mean. I hope the situation with your son gets better. Stay strong!

~A house is a home when there's a cat in it~
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February 25th, 2013, 08:35 AM
MommytoZoeAlyssa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: KY
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I just wanted to say I hope things are going better for your DS and the school is doing more to assist you. Just stay postive!
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