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if you have a kid in daycare...

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November 13th, 2011, 07:09 PM
-erin-'s Avatar Co-Host of the May2010 PR
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Florida
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Has your child picked up any bad habits from daycare? How do you deal with it?

I'm very upset to say Juliet is a biter It started against one specific kid (18 months older than her) who would bully her - push her around, take her toys, etc - and she figured out the only way to get him to leave her alone was to bite him It was only those specific occasions and I felt so helpless there was really nothing I could do about it. Then this week she bit a little girl at daycare who was in her way when she was trying to get in her high chair to eat. So she's learning if she's mad/frustrated/someone's in her way, biting is what to do. The original kid she was biting is our neighbor's son and he was at our house last night. I was watching them while his dad was outside with DH. I was reading Juliet a book and he came over and started pushing her away because he wanted it. She dove to bite his arm but I caught her in time before she could. I told her no biting and sat her on the couch next to me where she cried for a minute or so I felt terrible, but I was glad I was there to catch it. Then this morning she was mad at DH since he took away her crayon and was going to give her a bath and she bit his cheek! He did the same thing, told her no and sat her down on the ground for a minute or so. It frustrates me so much because all I can think of is, if I could be home with her she never would have been in the situation to begin with where she would have started biting. Or if she did, I'd be there to deal with it and teach her. Instead I have to depend on someone else to do it.

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November 14th, 2011, 07:23 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 4,519
HUGs to you.

So while I would be lying to say that the bad habit issue was a major factor in our decision to have a nanny instead of doing the daycare, I do know this. Kids pick up bad habits no matter where they are. Maggie is a screamer.

I think all you can do is your best to nip it early. Be consistent and be sharp and quick with it. She's too young to discipline after the fact, so it has to be immediate. So when you decide on how best to do this, speak with the daycare provider. Tell them you've noticed it, and you need their input and help ensuring this stops now. I do feel for you and how awful it feels not to be the primary disciplinarian. It hurts me even to hear the nanny dealing with some of these temper tantrums. Not because she doesn't handle them well...she does fabulous with it. But because I still feel like it's my job.

But maybe you could try remembering that these people are your partner in raising your child. Engaging them from that perspective and it may help. Remember to follow up and ask about it every week or so. The worst possible thing you could do is assume it's not still happening only to find out at the end of the year that she's gotten worse at daycare and better at home.
Becky, mommy to my Monkey Pie, Maggie (June 10, 2010)

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Last edited by shockandawe; November 14th, 2011 at 07:48 AM.
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November 14th, 2011, 07:37 AM
sfarrow3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,639
((Hugs))) I do agree with Becky..London is a hitter. She also picked it up from daycare. We have tried to be very consistent and tell her no hitting and be gentle. I have placed her in somewhat of a time out because of it, because I know London. London has gotten a little better, but she is still a work in progress.

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November 14th, 2011, 09:35 AM
mommy2Breana+Brandon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: PA
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I have been there and done that with Xander.. He used to bite his sister all the time because she would not leave him alone. Breana would only be the one he bite though.

One time he did get me and after telling him no biting. I finally bite him back on the hiney thru the diaper!! He felt it and was not happy but it did not hurt him. I think it was more of a shock to him that I did that. He has not bitten again.

I would continue to say no and put her in time out and she will eventually click in.

I also agree, kids will pick up habits wherever they go.


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November 14th, 2011, 01:46 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,972
These are good tips for me to keep in mind when we get to this point! Susie is still too little for me to know what I am supposed to do but she goes to daycare.


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November 14th, 2011, 02:53 PM
-erin-'s Avatar Co-Host of the May2010 PR
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Florida
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I keep reading that it's a phase, she's mainly doing it out of frustration, so when she learns more words to express herself, hopefully it will get better.

Daycare is also trying to keep an eye on her better so they can intervene before she gets to sink her teeth in. They do the same thing I do, tell her no biting and do a time out sort of thing.

I know it is completely irrational to think she'd be the perfect child if she was home with me the whole time, but that is where my brain goes. If I was there for her it wouldn't happen. Even though my MIL, who has never worked, told me about how one of my SILs bit my DH really badly when they were little, even though MIL was right there. BUT since she was there with them she stopped it before it became a habit. Mostly I just hate that this has become a habit But the rational part of my brain knows that it could happen anywhere, to any kid, whether mom is home or not.

Last edited by -erin-; November 14th, 2011 at 02:56 PM.
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November 15th, 2011, 11:23 AM
kerian's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: South Africa
Posts: 33,719
oh yes, Kyla was the biter in her class lat year. her teacher told me then that when defending themselves they either choose to hit or bite.
thankfully Kyla stopped really quickly.

Thank you *Kiliki* for my beautiful siggy

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November 15th, 2011, 06:57 PM
Kristin32's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,048
I feel your pain! I can totally relate. Collin never picked up on biting but there are plenty of other things he has picked up (hitting being a big one). In addition to hitting other kids, he has also been bitten, hit, etc. by the others. I think it's just a natural thing at this age. When you get a group of toddlers together in one room all day, they have to defend themselves (and their toys) in anyway they know how. I've found it helpful to partner with the teachers and work together to try to work on the problem. Good luck. You're not alone!

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