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BD / DH Question

Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance


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January 28th, 2009, 10:20 PM
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 19
Hey - haven't posted in a LONG while, but had this question on my mind - hope some will share!

Do you ever feel like you are using your DH just for his men? And, on the opposite side, does DH ever accuse you of only wanting to BD because it could be "the night?"

We started TTC about 1 year ago, and in the beginning, I charted and used OPKs. I figured DH would not care how many times we BD'd around O time, but he started joking about how he wasn't a "machine!"

Now I have started the process, as far as talking to a doctor and am scheduled for an u/s in Feb. to see if I am O'ing. I am worried that this issue will come up again with my DH.

Anybody else experience this? Ever?
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January 29th, 2009, 05:44 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8,103
My DH hasn't brought it up and the last 4 cycles we have been told exactly when to DTD. I think that because he wants this as much as I do that it doesn't really bother him. BUT I also make sure that we have some non-BD fun and catch him off guard with it.

Oh, and I'm constantly teasing him, especially after our IUI or TI that I'm all done with him now... I got everything I need! Of course, it's all in fun and he knows that. But I do yell at him if he's using his laptop right on his lap without a pillow or something to protect my little swimmers!

We all know that there are a ton of couples out there that don't survive this whole TTC process because it ends up tearing you apart. I think that you just need to make sure that it's not ALL about TTC... I mean I know that's what we're all trying to do but we have to still continue working on our relationships too.

I hope that your DH doesn't take it too personally but I'm sure that it'll all be fine and before you guys even know it you'll have a baby to worry about instead of when to DTD next!

Yet another wonderful siggy by HeatherW.... thank you so much!!!

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January 29th, 2009, 06:07 AM
babybatax2's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 5,141
Dh is addicted to BD more so now because I insist we must do it. He has no objections! Yesterday after the IUI the RE told us to have intercourse tonight, and DH said to me last night, "Doctor's orders!" It is quite funny!
stephanie, wife to adam, mommy to rylan, dakota, and baby girl on the way!

07/2007 03/2011 01/2012
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January 29th, 2009, 08:19 AM
jmichelle77's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Missouri
Posts: 5,184
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Way back when we were first TTC.....SEVERAL YEARS AGO....that was an issue with DH and I a time or two. It hasn't been an issue this time, so far. I think I know better now how to handle it. My DH also wants this just as bad as I do....he even pays attention to my chart with me and will ask "do you think we should BD tonite?" LOL! It's so cute! But what I do differently than before is to MAKE SURE that when it is not "o" time that we have some non-TTC fun. i.e. try different positions, non-intercourse "fun" , etc. And when I have to remind DH of things he should avoid (i.e. don't get in hot tub after working out at the gym) (And GOOD ONE Kari! I NEVER thought about the laptop on his lap! I WILL be saying something about that! LOL) I say it in a gentle, loving, joking way instead of sounding like his sperm is ALL I care about. I also do little things EVERY DAY to show him how romantic I feel about him and how much I love and appreciate him. Then that way, when it's "o" time and I am luring him into the bedroom.....it's not the ONLY time I am doing it and he doesn't feel like he is being "used" and I am just trying to "get what I want" out of him.

Maybe if you sit DH down and talk to him and explain that you love him, appreciate him and find him attractive and THAT is why you want to BD with him.....that if you didn't feel all those things about him that you would even want to MAKE A BABY with him......it would help him to feel more of an equal partner in building your family instead of just being an object you use to get the baby you want. If he has had you all to himself for any length of time....whether he wants to admit it or not.....he is probably already a little worried about having to "share" your attention with a new baby. So, you should start now by not making him "share" attention with the baby you are trying to create and help him to see how important HE is to you and that he is equally special to you as the baby will be....just in a different way.''

Sorry I got so wordy! LOL! HTH!!
Thank you so much AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!!

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January 29th, 2009, 08:45 AM
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 19
Wow guys, thanks for the great advice! It's good to have some perspective on the whole thing. Sometimes you get so caught up in the whole TTC thing, and you forget that there's TWO people involved who have made a huge decision. (Not just one who wants her DH's little men!) Hopefully you guys get my meaning!

Appreciate the kind words!!
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January 29th, 2009, 12:28 PM
KMH KMH is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: right of center
Posts: 19,318
We haven't really argued about it or had an issue, but here's how I know that it does bother him on some level...

I make sure to iniate BD some nights that I can't possible be fertile. He'll ask "oh, are you fertile today?" When I say no, he looks like he just won the lottery, because he knows I just want him, and I'm not just wanting to do it because of TTC. Those times are usually more fun because there's no pressure.

Definitely take care of each other and don't let TTC rule your sex life (I know, it is much easier said than done). Sometimes you just have to have fun

Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (5), Abigail (3) and George (3)

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January 29th, 2009, 02:34 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 6,083
We had one minor incident recently, where DH was upset because I wasn't more into the BD'ing-I was just so exhausted on that particular night. But, we knew it was my "window" so we went ahead with it. And I know I just wasn't really there. But we talked about it and worked through it.

DH pretty much is always ready and rearing to go but I also make sure to initiate it on non-fertile days. Melissa's right-it's more fun because it's spontaneous and there's no pressure. It's nice to be spontaneous when everything else is so planned out (ultrasounds, etc etc etc).

Alexandra Eva is here! Born 1/17/10 at 5:55pm. Weighing in at 6lbs, 8oz and 20 Inches Long!
Secondary Infertility Blog*~*http://onemunchkin.blogspot.com/ *~*

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January 30th, 2009, 07:31 AM
JCT2005's Avatar Teddy's Mom
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,770
I don't think it's every been a problem. We try to DTD every other night anyway, not just for TTC. Although last week (which I could have ovulated) we were doing it more but he was just as eager as me.

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