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I know this is WRONG.....

Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance


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December 11th, 2009, 07:46 AM
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Ugh.....girls, I'm really struggling with something right now and I know that *I'm* WRONG!

I know that I need to change my mindset on this issue, but I just don't know how. I don't want to tell DH because I know it will send him over the edge.

Let me explain. I have been talking to a reference from the adoption agency about her experience, and she literally got the call on a Friday afternoon that they had found "her baby", and by Tuesday they were home with their little boy.

It got me thinking about DH and I and how I am going to feel when we get "the call" I'm going to be ecstatic!! Seriously, like so excited I won't know what to do with myself. DH will be thrilled, my parents will be thrilled, our best friends will be thrilled.....everyone....except-->the ILs

I know they won't *act* as excited as I think they should. They will bring me down with their lack of enthusiasm and I know it will hurt me to the core. I know it won't be intentional, but nonetheless, it's inevitable. I KNOW how they will act.

It is because of this that I DO NOT WANT TO CALL THEM until AFTER we bring our baby home. I don't want them to RUIN my moment. Our moment. As a new family we deserve to be 100% happy and I am just so hesitant because I feel sure that the ILs will act so "blah" about it.

Please help talk me out of this funk.......I don't know what to do....
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December 11th, 2009, 08:02 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,292
I don't think you are wrong at all.

Is there any possibility that DH could call his own parents when you get "the call?"
Let HIM tell them and don't even ASK him what they said, what their reaction was, etc.

You should call the people that you KNOW will share in your joy and celebrate with you. Let DH handle telling his parents, and let him worry (or not) about their reaction.

Don't let anyone take anything from you during this special time!

That's my two cents.
Married with two awesome 7 year olds, we're TTC with unexplained infertility.
Thank you sophiasmomma for my beautiful siggy!
Nov/Dec Follistim cycle = BFP, chemical pregnancy
Dec/Jan TTC naturally after m/c, BFN
Jan 2010 2nd round of Follistim

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December 11th, 2009, 08:08 AM
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Thank you I guess it's my fault because I ALWAYS ask "Well, what did they say?" (this applies to any and everything) And their response to important things always seems so mediocre.

They always seem to rub me the wrong way about everything Baby Related. My MIL always thought it was appropriate to talk about how much she HATED being pregnant (but would turn right around and talk about how EASY getting pregnant was for her) Not to mention, they have still NOT asked me about how I am doing after my D&C!!!!!! It's been OVER a MONTH They just don't care about me at all it seems, and it HURTS because I love their son and want a family WITH HIM so desperately.....

I think you're right though. I'll let him call, and then I won't ask questions.....I'll just "make believe" that they responded the way they should
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December 11th, 2009, 08:18 AM
bkro9's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,460
I agree, having annoying IL's myself. Let DH call, and just stay away from the response. It's hard but...you'll be happy you did! Screw em!

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December 11th, 2009, 08:35 AM
MommaLee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 8,986
I ditto the other girls!

This is from Astrids website....it is one of her friends blogs, but if you go back quite a ways....they adopted the twins and she blogs about how they just "got a call also"....(I look at blogs when I'm bored)...

Uniquely Ordinary
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December 11th, 2009, 09:06 AM
Sarah Marie's Avatar Mom to Leiland and Owen
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Middle TN, Born and raised in MI
Posts: 10,454
I think letting him call was a good idea. See my DH realizes his parents are lame and just don't make anything a happy time, so he would be more then willing to just leave them out to not ruin the moment. However, no matter their reaction, I don't think it can damper your mood when you hold your baby.
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December 11th, 2009, 09:43 AM
KMH KMH is offline
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Brandi, you are not wrong AT ALL, and I think I know exactly where you are coming from.

We haven't told my MIL that we're expecting yet for this very same reason. She is incredibly self-centered and will make it all about her. I am dreading telling her at Christmas because I just know she won't be nearly as excited as anyone else, and that breaks my heart.

Whatever you decide is best for you and David, that's all that matters. After all that you have been through, you more than deserve your special moment to enjoy the beginning of your new adventure with your child. Maybe David could call while you're not even around? Then you wouldn't even have to think about it, you could just know that he has it taken care of.

Good luck, and don't feel bad for the way that you feel! You have been through a lot, and I think you have worked really hard to mend your relationship with your ILs. I don't think you have any reason at all to feel guilty about wanting your special time as a new family!

Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (5), Abigail (3) and George (3)

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December 11th, 2009, 10:01 AM
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Thanks girls I know that any disappointment I might feel will definitely be short lived, but I want to avoid the situation altogether....I have enough dislike for them as it is....I'm fearful of adding to "the list"

I'm gonna let DH handle it when the time comes
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December 11th, 2009, 11:27 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
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Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
good plan, Brandi! Just remember, this is your child, and if they don't want to be grandparents, well, it'll be their loss. So many people are in great support of you, that you will be able to have many blissful moments!

So, now I am curious, how long did it take your reference to get that call from the moment they started all the paperwork? In other words: how long do you think it'll be before you have your sweet little one in your arms?
Gwynne, celebrating the newest of our four precious miracles

Hat's off to Vicki for my cute siggy, thank you!
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December 11th, 2009, 11:37 AM
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Gwynne, the reference signed with the agency in January 2009, they received "the call" on a Friday afternoon in Mid October and brought their baby home on Tuesday of the following week. (the baby was only 4 1/2 months old)

They adopted a full caucasian baby, so their wait was almost exactly nine months. We're anticipating being matched before that time

I feel confident in saying that we WILL have a baby by this time next year
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December 11th, 2009, 11:49 AM
KMH KMH is offline
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Originally Posted by Mommy2Asher_n_Noah_n_Tres View Post
I feel confident in saying that we WILL have a baby by this time next year
That brings tears to my eyes just reading it!

Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (5), Abigail (3) and George (3)

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December 11th, 2009, 12:55 PM
Kellica's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 945
Besides, you are going to be so excited with the LO in your arms, you won't even care or concern yourself with your IL'S or what they have to say! Your gonna be like "IL's, what IL'S!"
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December 11th, 2009, 03:22 PM
pattyandthemoos's Avatar Administrator
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Location: Michigan
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I don't think you are wrong at all. My MIL will probably not get a call when I get pregnant. She will most likely get a card in the mail. This way I don't have to hear her comments.

I think the advise the other ladies gave on letting your dh break the news is a good idea. You should be happy during this time and if she will ruin that moment for you, I would just not even worry about it. It is okay to think about yourself first, ya know.

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December 11th, 2009, 03:57 PM
Jessie0505's Avatar Finally a Mommy!
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Japan
Posts: 4,016
i absolutely do not think you are wrong! I am the same way..my mil kept asking when we were gonna try..(she has a big mouth so we didnt tell her) Well with all tis if stuff going on..somewhere along the way she found out..now that she knows we need ivf..her and her daughter are constantly texting saying i said i was pregnant on fb or myspace! DH finally said..if she is pregnant you will know!! ILs can be soo insensitive sometimes..like the other girls said..just tell the people who will be happy for you! then maybe later you can tell others..or even tell them all..but dont let them ruin your happiness! I will be ecstatic for you when you get that call! HUGS!
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December 11th, 2009, 08:14 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8,103
Yep... I'm gonna echo this ladies. Nothing wrong with the way you feel. I would totally let DH handle the situation and you can just bask in the glory of your new baby boy!

I talked with my MIL on Thanksgiving about us pursuing adoption... her comment was, "Oh, well don't get stuck with a "meth-baby"... " Are you kidding me!

I can't wait until you are matched... it's gonna be one heck of a day!

Yet another wonderful siggy by HeatherW.... thank you so much!!!

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December 12th, 2009, 12:14 PM
~InHisHands~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: US - Alabama
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I have no advice but wanted to offer support..

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"Never confuse acceptance with approval. Without approving
all we do, Jesus accepts all who come to Him." ~
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