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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance


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February 25th, 2010, 02:44 AM
Posts: n/a
This is all very upsetting and backstabbing on the op.

I reported the post. Yes, I lurk but have posted in the past.

No, I never got medical assistance, was turned away before even getting in the door and was told to lose weight before I came back. After that, why would I even want to go back. Reading your stories of success gave me hope. Reading about you all going through the same heartaches made me feel less alone. I didn't have the courage to post or actually join in because I was flat out refused help. I conveived my 2 other children at the same weight. I got pregnant in 2006 only to lose our baby just before 12 weeks. We saw his heartbeating at 8 weeks. I will always cherish those pictures. It took us 18 long months of heartache and stress to conceive again. So no, I didn't have the assistance since I was refused but went thourgh each month wondering why it wasn't me, why do others get pregnant so easily and why does God allow babies to be born to those that abuse or kill? WHY????

I pm'd you in private because I didn't feel right saying it on your post, would have been inappropriate and wrong. I wanted you to know that is was removed because of me and to explain nicely why I did it. I also added an apology which your responded quite harshly. I then wrote back explaining our journey and again wished you a short journey got getting pregnant. I poured my heart out to you. Your answer to that was to bash me here. I would have never done that to anybody for any reason.

The reason I reported the post was because of how insensitive it was. You said that your friend just lost a baby back in dec and was mad because she was pregnant so soon. Then you refered to her as being stupid because she got a faint line and wasn't really sure. She is probably still grieving and scared to death of losing another baby. She will probably over analyze everything in this pregnancy and won't relax at all. Did you think about what she had to go through to have this pregnancy? She had to lose a baby to get it. What if she loses this baby too? However, you say you don't feel the same way about the ladies here or maybe you do?

How many of you on here have lost a baby? I know there are alot of you and you know how devasting it is. These babies were wanted. I would feel like I got a slap in the face if a friend who I thought was supportive was truly angered with me and thought I was stupid. TTCMA is a hard road but we do have to see both sides and can't expect to get support and not give back.

You also said in the same post about seeing a group of toddlers and some pregant moms complaining about being pregnant and were so ready for this to be over.....that I didn't find insensitive or rude. I was there with you at some point saying to myself that they should feel blessed and grateful to be pregnant. I just think it was wrong to come down hard on someonce you say is a friend.

I have chatted with quite a few of you wonderful ladies. I have met quite a few on TTCAL and PAL. None of should have to be here or there and we are there for support. I come on here to see how everyone is. I say prayers for you ladies. You have more support from these forums than just the TTCMA board. So many pulling and cheering you on and sharing in your joys and sorrows. Crying when things go wrong or don't go at all and rejoicing with you when you are happy.

I didn't want to reply but felt it was only proper to explain the other side of the story so you all have a clearer view. This whole thing has saddened me to see some of the replies because I'm a lurker. People lurk for reasons, I'm not the only one.

All that matters to me is that you all have your hopes and dreams come true. Blessings to you all

February 25th, 2010, 04:27 AM
Posts: n/a
Thank you Pamela
February 25th, 2010, 04:33 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8,103
Pamela, I don't really even know what to say. I think you know just as well as the rest of these ladies do that struggling to TTC is such a personal thing, whether you had MA or not, it's heartbreaking to go through month after month of negatives. You must understand that this group is especially tight. We are experiencing things that some people just don't understand, and when one of us is hurt or feels threatened.... we're like a big group of moms protecting our young. We want to feel like it's a safe place here to post what we are feeling and not feel like we are going to be reported because we are having an especially bad day and need to know we aren't alone.

I didn't get a chance to read the post, and maybe if I had I might have found something in there that I didn't quite agree with, but like you said, most of us have been there. Hearing about the pregnant women with their toddlers running around complaining about being pregnant AGAIN and not wanting to be. It's so hurtful and frustrating, but I doubt a single person from this board would ever call someone out. Whether IRL or on the boards, we'd probably be stunned and hurt but come crawling back here where we feel it's safe and post a vent about it and cry together.

I'm truly sorry that you felt attacked by some of the posts/responses. We know that there are people that come and lurk on our board that are supportive. I am forever grateful to the people I don't even know saying prayers for me every night and hoping that things work out for the best. But I also know that there are probably people out there that lurk that aren't supportive in what we are doing in the least, or have no clue what it's like to struggle with TTC and have to use MA if there is any chance at all of conceiving a biological child. I guess what surprised me was that person who has been supportive of this board, even in silence, would report a post. But, like I said I didn't get a chance to read the post so I really can't say how I would have felt about it.

Like I said before, I'm not really even sure what to say, even though I've said a lot already I'm not sure what it will do to help. I just wanted to explain a bit more from someone outside of the situations point of view, how I personally felt about the situation. I wish you luck on your journey to conceive your next child. I'm sorry that you have had to struggle and hope that your happiness is right around the corner.


Yet another wonderful siggy by HeatherW.... thank you so much!!!

February 25th, 2010, 07:33 AM
cadjma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: California
Posts: 5,063
Send a message via Yahoo to cadjma
I am sure you have all had a very tough journey and I am truly so sorry for that. I personally am one of those people who get pregnant pretty easily. I have been pregnant 11 times in my life, I have had 7 losses. Every single loss was gutwrenchingly painful to me. I lost a part of my heart with every baby that I lost. I am blessed to have my wonderful family, my 4 beautiful girls, now because of my determination to never give up on the family I longed for. All of my children were concieved after losses. My last two daughters were in fact conceived the month after a loss. If someone were to tell me I was stupid, or a "friend" of mine would have said she was mad because I got pregnant so easily or quickly, it would have just broken my heart. That is a time when a mother is living in constant fear, wondering if this baby will make it? Should she get her hopes up? Trying not to stress to much, trying everything in this world to keep her baby, to give it a chance to survive. Ok, I am crying now just reliving the fears - not even sure why I posted this story, other than for you to see someone else's point of view. I don't think anyone should come down harshly on Pamela for trying to spare someone's feelings. I hope none of you are offended and I truly wish you all the best.

Maile 10/22/04 Aubrie 11/03/08 Gabbie 08/28/10

Last edited by cadjma; February 25th, 2010 at 08:07 AM. Reason: typo
February 25th, 2010, 08:06 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,292
(((HUGS))) I also didn't get a chance to read it, but I am sure it was something I could have written myself!

I think we all understand on this board and I don't get why someone from another board would lurk HERE and then report it. Geez. This forum should be a safe place for any of us to talk about our feelings and emotions related to infertility.
Married with two awesome 7 year olds, we're TTC with unexplained infertility.
Thank you sophiasmomma for my beautiful siggy!
Nov/Dec Follistim cycle = BFP, chemical pregnancy
Dec/Jan TTC naturally after m/c, BFN
Jan 2010 2nd round of Follistim

February 25th, 2010, 08:30 AM
Daisee37's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Twin Cities, MN
Posts: 1,974
I can see why some people might get upset by some of the vents here, but where ELSE can we vent these frustrations? If someone is upset at their pregnant friend, even a pregnant friend who has suffered losses, she SURELY can't tell anyone else since that would be entirely inappropriate and insensitive. The whole point is that we have these feelings of anger and frustration, even when they are irrational or unwarranted, and this is a place where we can discuss them or at least get them out. Having a post removed that is not personally attacking anyone just makes us feel like we're not allowed to express our feelings. We shouldn't have to censor our frustration here... this is a safe place where we CAN say the things that are too insensitive to say to someone's face. I think the point of the post was that even though her friend suffered a loss and deserved her new pregnancy, she was STILL angry and frustrated. And that's something we understand here. Not everyone has to agree, but it doesn't seem right to remove a post that really didn't harm anyone here on the board. I know I've been angry and frustrated, and I've been angry towards people who don't deserve my anger, but this board has always been somewhere where I knew I could express my totally irrational feelings and know that people knew where I was coming from - that's a support I can't get ANYWHERE else.
February 25th, 2010, 08:36 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,292
I wanted to say...to the lurkers who posted...I am sorry for what you've both been through. Pregnancy loss, infertility, etc. is hard and painful, no matter what. I hope that you have nevrt felt, from this board, that someone is minimizing or trivializing the pain you've experienced.

However...I have to say...this forum is a safe haven for me. Until you've experienced the road of infertility, you cannot really relate to it or the emotions that go with it. And sometimes those emotions are NOT pretty. I know I have said things on here that I could not say to someone in RL because it might hurt feelings. But I say it here because I know that these women understand and will not judge me for my feelings.

And I need that. Infertility has, at times, felt like it shattered my soul. It's made me depressed, angry, scared and a whole other range of emotions. Getting those out and being able to post and read stories of other women who've gone through it has been a lifesaver for me.

It makes me sad to think that a fellow member on this forum reached out in what she felt was a safe place to do so, and then was reported. I guess I can understand PMing someone and saying "Hey, that post kind of struck a chord with me' but to report someone? I don't know...I don't like the precedent that sets.

Unless a post is outright malicious or directed cruelly at a particular person, I think we all have the right to say what we're feeling. I think we post on this forum with the expectation that those reading and responding understand how we feel. IE--I would not go over to a forum where people get pregnant easily and post about my infertility woes. KWIM? But when I post here, I do so expecting that it will be read by people who understand.

I'm rambling...I hope I did not offend anyone with this response, but I just felt like it needed to be said.

this is a safe place where we CAN say the things that are too insensitive to say to someone's face. I think the point of the post was that even though her friend suffered a loss and deserved her new pregnancy, she was STILL angry and frustrated. And that's something we understand here
THAT is what my rambling post was trying say.
Married with two awesome 7 year olds, we're TTC with unexplained infertility.
Thank you sophiasmomma for my beautiful siggy!
Nov/Dec Follistim cycle = BFP, chemical pregnancy
Dec/Jan TTC naturally after m/c, BFN
Jan 2010 2nd round of Follistim

February 25th, 2010, 08:53 AM
momma S's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 837
I am really sorry for anyone who has had a loss... the point of my post wasn't to make light of a m/c and the girls on this board understand that. My heart breaks for anyone who has a loss at anytime in a pg. My point was SHE GETS PREGNANT EASILY period... Like many have said they have NOONE to say this to IRL and I don't either. Also my friend is stupid if she can't figure out that a second line on a pg test is a positive. Us girls on this board would jump for joy at the faintest of lines and test again. She didn't want to waste any tests... LOL, we keep the freaking companies in business.

I am not out to attack anyone, but if you can't say it here where in the world can you. I wasn't being mean in any fashion to anyone on this board, just having a really bad day that somehow got worse in the one place in the world I thought it wouldn't.
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