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Evan's Birth Story--LONG


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
June 4th, 2010, 07:00 AM
Angel_Maker
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May 13th, 2010 is a day that should've started out like any other; however, that date had been tormenting me for years and in hindsight, my motherly instincts were telling me that May 13th was going to be a bad day. You see, May 13th, 2007 was Mother's Day, it was also the day I found out I was pregnant. May 13th has always held a very sacred place in my heart. That date has now changed my life twice....

May 12th, 2010-David and I went out to dinner with my in-laws. Everything was fine....I felt great. We stopped back by the in laws house before heading home and Evan was moving all around. I asked my MIL if she wanted to feel. She put her hand on my tummy and within 10 seconds Evan kicked her so hard.....we both smiled and laughed. On the way home, the strangest feeling came over me. I looked over at David and said, "Tomorrow is going to be a bad day."

May 13th, 2010-my alarm went off at 5:30, but I was tired so I hit the snooze until 6AM. I got up and headed to the toilet to pee. I wiped and saw blood. Oddly enough, I didn't panic. I calmly walked over to David's side of the bed and said, "Honey, I'm bleeding a little bit so I'm going to call the DR and probably go in to get checked out." David seemed calm too.

Long story short, I kept bleeding so they told me to head to L&D. I took my doppler in the car with us and listened to Evan's heartbeat the whole way...."He's fine." David and I convinced ourselves. We checked in with L&D and they put us in a room. Labor Room A. I peed again once in the room and there was more blood. I still wasn't that scared though. The DR finally came in and said she was going to check and see if she could find a source for the bleeding. She told me that a lot of times there is no real reason for the bleeding and that it's probably nothing. "Of course" I thought, "It's nothing"

She inserts the speculum and it hurt! I cringed and clenched my teeth.....and then I heard it, I heard her, "Brandi, I'm so sorry you're dialated and your bag is bulging." I started screaming at her, I told her NO! I told her to take it back. I told her to fix it. I pleaded with her to please save my baby. She started to cry. I started to cry. David was crying.

Everything else is a blur. The next thing I remember is the MFM DR coming in to do an US. He began the US and We could clearly see the bag sticking out into the birth canal. As we were watching the screen, Evan stretched his leg out through my cervix. The MFM DR gave us little hope. He said that I could lay with my hips elevated until the morning and they could put in a cerclage as long as there was no infection. "That's great" I thought....Evan and I can hold out until the morning and then everything will be ok. So they tilted my bed so that my hips were elevated and then I just laid there......they took some blood to check for infection.

Later they came to me to tell me that my white blood cell count was elevated and they would not be able to do a cerclage...so I decided to just stay "upside down"....I kept telling myself, 3 more weeks, just 3 more weeks.

From Thursday morning to Saturday morning I got very sick. I was on Mag Sulfate and it was causing my BP to drop dangerously low. I believe at one point it was 74/42.....I had a raging infection and my body had become septic. I was killing myself trying to save my baby. They came in and did a chest x ray because my O2 sats were decreasing. They discovered I had developed pneumonia. I had fluid in my lungs and they saw what they believed to be the beginning of a colapsed lung.

I asked for another US. I couldn't even look at the screen, so I stared at David's face instead. His tears said it all. Evan was still coming out. What started out as one leg outstretched, had now become his entire bottom half....waist down, he was already out. There was nothing more we could do. My next goal was to deliver him still in the sac, then just maybe our little fighter could be saved by the NICU.

Sometime in the midst of everything I got my epidural. I was pushing Evan out and then the OB said, "Brandi, your bag just ruptured."....I started to panic and wouldn't stop pushing...I just wanted to get him out as fast as possible....a couple more pushes and our beautiful baby boy was born.

He was so big, even the OB seemed surprised. She grabbed him off the bed and immediately checked for a heartbeat. There wasn't one. My sweet Evan was born sleeping at 3:45 PM on May 15th, 2010.

We asked for the family to step out so that David and I could have some alone time with our special boy. We marveled at his perfection. He looked just like his Daddy that it took my breath away. Through a sea of tears we smiled at our precious baby. All of our hopes and dreams were embodied in 14.6 ounces. He was more beautiful than I could've ever imagined....I kept saying to David, "We made this, can you believe it" I still don't believe that David and I were capable of creating something, or someone, so perfect.

We had a wonderful nurse and she gave Evan a bath and wrapped him in a blanket. We called the family back in and for the first time everyone got to see just how perfect he was. Everyone held him and kissed him. We took tons of pictures and we all just talked about how much we loved him. We cuddled him and loved on him for 6 hours.

He started bruising pretty badly and David told me it was time to let him go. I couldn't do it. I didn't want them to take my baby. I couldn't believe this was happening AGAIN....someone was going to come into my room and take my baby and I'd never get to see them again. It's just not fair.

The nurse came in the room to tell us that the driver from the funeral home was waiting. I couldn't let go of Evan. I just kept kissing him and telling him that I loved him and that I was so sorry. I kissed his perfect little nose. The miniature version of his Daddy's nose. David came over and took Evan from me. He cuddled him for a moment and then handed him over to the nurse. I lost it. I lost it.....I started pleading, "Please don't take my baby! PLEASE!" The nurses in the room started to cry.

Everything after that was a blur. At some point I was transferred to another part of the hospital. I was very sick at this point. My fever was reaching 102. I was on antibiotics for the infection as well as the pneumonia.

I was discharged from the hospital Wednesday afternoon. I didn't want to go home. Our house felt like it was meant for Brewer and Evan, and knowing that Evan wouldn't be there just tore my heart to pieces. I haven't gone in the nursery. I can't. That boy had more stuff than most 5 years olds. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it all. David did return the double stroller. But all the clothes...I don't know what we'll do. Maybe just pack them up and hope for a boy next time. I could never return them. It would break my heart.

I could write forever about my baby boy, but right now the pain is still too raw and I can't fight through the tears any longer. Thank you for taking the time to read about my precious baby boy. Another one of God's beautiful creations.
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  #2  
June 4th, 2010, 07:17 AM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Brandi, thank YOU for sharing your story and part of your life with us. There are so many of us that have been here while you have gone through the ups and downs, and who have never met you but appreciate your love and life so much. Thank you for being a part of my life as well.
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  #3  
June 4th, 2010, 07:22 AM
Oriyan's Avatar Platinum Superdupermommy
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*hugs*
Brandi thank you for sharing your story with us.

I am sitting at work wiping away more tears for you.
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  #4  
June 4th, 2010, 07:25 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
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Oh, Brandi... I am just raw with emotion after reading this. It breaks my heart that you had to go through this, but I celebrate every moment of Evan's being. He's touched more hearts than you will ever know. He is the perfect angel, a perfect son, brought to this earth for a few fleeting months to teach us all a lesson on love, on peace, on gentleness and on the glory of miracles. ((HUGS)) sweetie.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. I pray you are physically and emotionally recovering and this piece of the healing is bringing you comfort to know it will touch so many of us in a very special way.
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  #5  
June 4th, 2010, 07:51 AM
*CAMM*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Brandi thank you for sharing Evan's story..i know it must of been so very hard to put it in words.

I think of you all the time.
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  #6  
June 4th, 2010, 07:59 AM
Angel_Maker
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Gwynne & Christin! Where are your siggies!!!!???? You KNOW I want to celebrate with you

BTW, Christin, I just took my geritol and I'm sipping my lemon water right now......
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  #7  
June 4th, 2010, 07:59 AM
♥Ashley♥'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My eyes werent dry for a single second reading that story. Thank you SO much Brandi for sharing something so special with us. Evan is truly a little angel

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angel_Maker View Post
Gwynne & Christin! Where are your siggies!!!!???? You KNOW I want to celebrate with you
You are such an amazing woman, do you know that? You are always so supportive, even through all that you have been through, its truly amazing. I look up to you, especially on days like today where im upset about things that seem so petty compared to what you've been through.
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Cycle #14-15 - Met with new RE, diagnosed with a blocked right tube that previous RE completely overlooked or didnt care to mention. Soy (120mg) - BFN
Cycle #16 - Clomid (100mg) - BFN, Cycle #17 - Clomid (100mg)+Trigger+IUI - BFN
Cycle #18 - Acupuncture+Clomid (100mg) - BFN
Cycle #19-27 - 2 Soy (160mg) cycles, the rest all natural also 30lbs lost!! - BFN's
Cycle #28 - New RE is GREAT! Put on bcp 7/6/11, Lap surgery 8/1/11- Tubal cyst (5cm) found and removed, Uterine Septum removed, and Stage II-III endo removed. Cycle #29 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle #30 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle#31 - All Natural - BFN, DONE TTC FOR NOW




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  #8  
June 4th, 2010, 08:14 AM
Celry's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Brandi, thank you so much for sharing Evan's birth story with us. It's amazing how beautifully you wrote the story. I didn't make it through the first paragraph before I was crying as well. I shouldn't be amazed though as Ashley is right, you are an amazing person.
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  #9  
June 4th, 2010, 08:20 AM
*CAMM*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angel_Maker View Post
Gwynne & Christin! Where are your siggies!!!!???? You KNOW I want to celebrate with you

BTW, Christin, I just took my geritol and I'm sipping my lemon water right now......

Brandi...i seriously dont even have words for how amazing you are.

Just know that i you
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  #10  
June 4th, 2010, 08:28 AM
Angel_Maker
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Christin.....I'm not amazing, I'm just surviving....

I fully believe that there is a Heaven and a Hell......I know where my babies are and I KNOW that if I turn my back on God and harbor resentment for my losses, then I will NEVER be with my boys on the other side. That right there is enough to keep me going....doesn't mean I'm always strong about it...but I never lose my faith.

BTW, I you more
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  #11  
June 4th, 2010, 08:57 AM
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Brandi, That was so beautifully written. I was in tears the whole time. I don't even have words, just continue to offer my prayers to you and David that you will have peace and comfort and that Brewer and possibly another miracle baby will be in your lives so very soon.
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  #12  
June 4th, 2010, 09:50 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Brandi - I am still crying after reading your story. It is so unfair. I am so sorry you are going through all of this.

I can't believe how supportive and amazing you are. After all you have been through you are here being a solid source of strength to others.

You deserve an award....
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  #13  
June 4th, 2010, 10:03 AM
amberrose22's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You are an amazing woman and mother Brandi. Keep your faith honey... you WILL have a baby in your arms one day, I just know it.
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  #14  
June 4th, 2010, 10:25 AM
richmond_girl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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A beautiful story for a beautiful baby boy. God bless Evan.
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  #15  
June 4th, 2010, 10:55 AM
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Brandi thank you so much for sharing your story
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  #16  
June 4th, 2010, 11:08 AM
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Thank you so much, Brandi, for sharing Evan's story with us. I'm sure your boys are very, VERY proud of their Mom and how she is using her story to be an example of faith and strength for others
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  #17  
June 4th, 2010, 11:23 AM
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The tears and love will never stop flowing for your precious Evan.
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  #18  
June 4th, 2010, 11:32 AM
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Brandi, you wrote such a beautiful birth story for your precious Evan. I can't quit crying. I continue to pray for your family and I pray that Brewer comes home to you soon.
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  #19  
June 4th, 2010, 11:33 AM
SarieP's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you for sharing your story with us Brandi, I know it must have been hard for you

You are so strong to be able to go through everything you have gone through and be there for your precious angels. I know they are smiling down on you with pride
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  #20  
June 4th, 2010, 12:53 PM
~April04~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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((hugs)) Thank You Brandi for sharing Evan's birth story.. I sat here with tears rolling down my face the entire time I read it.
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