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DH doesn't want to do IUI


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
June 21st, 2010, 09:21 AM
jesridge's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I just finished an unsuccessful Clomid cycle (well, Clomid did make me O at the right time, but I didn't get pregnant.) Now the doc is discussing IUI with me. I wanted to talk to DH about it lots of times this past month when doc had mentioned we'd think about it if Clomid didn't work by itself, but DH just responds with "yeah that is something we'll have to discuss sometime." Well, we had three shots to discuss it, honey, and now the doc needs me to say yes or no, and I don't know what to tell him. Thanks for avoiding the subject.

The only think he's mentioned is that it's "pretty d*** unnatural." As if temping, charting, taking Clomid, peeing on OPKs, scheduling BD, and laying on my back for 20 mins after sex is completely natural. I guess when it involves him, he's just in it for the fun of it all.

Anyone else have a DH who was not interested in IUI for its unnaturalness? I guess DH feels like a sperm donor or something...

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  #2  
June 21st, 2010, 09:59 AM
LindseyandJoeinAL's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm sorry DH isn't cooperating! Sometimes our fellas just need a little more time to jump on the TTCMA bandwagon. Just make sure you're kind, understanding and full of research statistics when you approach the topic again. Maybe cook his favorite dinner, put on a cute dress and ask in your sweetest, most loving wife voice. Good luck!
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TTC baby #2

lap surgery Apr 2010 stage 2 endo removed
IVF #1 BFN 11/2010
IVF #2 BFP! 12/2010
Wonderful, sweet daughter Khloe born August 2011
FET #1 - Oct 2012 BFN
FET #2 - Dec 2012 BFN
2nd lap surgery Dec 2012 stage 1 endo removed
IUI Apr 2013 cancelled due to producing 10 mature follicles
IUI June 2013 BFN
IVF #3 Sept 2013 BFN
IVF #4 Nov 2013 BFP! on 8dp3dt
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  #3  
June 21st, 2010, 12:11 PM
A*LOT*OF*HOPE's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My DH hated the idea for many reasons. The biggest was the fact that he had to "jizz in a cup"...lol The second was that it just didn't seem natural. I explained to him that although this isn't the traditional route, it still was my egg and his sperm, and nothing was going to change that. I also assured him that we would have sex around the time of the IUI so we would never REALLY know if it was the IUI sperm or the regular sex sperm. I know some Dr's let the man push the little plunger thing, so it is more them doing it rather than the Dr.

Hope that helps and your DH comes around.

Oh I also told him the cost of IUI Versus IVF and told him he could choose the route we take..lol he really had no problem with IUI after that.
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  #4  
June 21st, 2010, 12:42 PM
KMH KMH is offline
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My DH was reluctant at first as well, and I guess I don't blame him. It is rather cold, unromantic, and unnatural...not exactly how we all pictured our babymaking experiences! We had lots of talks about it, and he warmed up to the idea eventually, because just like Ashley mentioned, it is still the two of us working as a team to start our family...even if it is a little different than the way most people do it. Your DH might just need a little more time to accept your situation and he might feel pressured a little; I bet he'll come around very soon. Good luck!
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  #5  
June 21st, 2010, 01:10 PM
♥Ashley♥'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Im sorry My DH was actually completely opposite... I was so sad and crying so badly that we have to go through this and cant be like everyone else and get pregnant in their own bedroom on their own time and it didnt cost them any $$$. He just kept telling me that means nothing at all to him if the end result is me actually ending up pregnant. He made me feel alot better! Just ask him if he is really serious about wanting a baby, this is your guys' next step.

Good Luck! I hope he agrees to it!
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Cycle #1-9 - All Natural....5BFN's, 4BFP's (all ended in miscarriage)
Cycle #10-11 - Met with first RE, diagnosed with heterzygeous MTHFR mutation & slightly low SA on all counts. -BFN, Cycle #12 - First IUI+Trigger - BFN, Cycle #13 - BFN
Cycle #14-15 - Met with new RE, diagnosed with a blocked right tube that previous RE completely overlooked or didnt care to mention. Soy (120mg) - BFN
Cycle #16 - Clomid (100mg) - BFN, Cycle #17 - Clomid (100mg)+Trigger+IUI - BFN
Cycle #18 - Acupuncture+Clomid (100mg) - BFN
Cycle #19-27 - 2 Soy (160mg) cycles, the rest all natural also 30lbs lost!! - BFN's
Cycle #28 - New RE is GREAT! Put on bcp 7/6/11, Lap surgery 8/1/11- Tubal cyst (5cm) found and removed, Uterine Septum removed, and Stage II-III endo removed. Cycle #29 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle #30 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle#31 - All Natural - BFN, DONE TTC FOR NOW




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  #6  
June 21st, 2010, 03:21 PM
michelle_m's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My DH was resistant - and he took the avoidance route, too. This was about 9 months ago, after we had already been TTC for a year and were first considering medical assistance. We decided at that time, for a number of reasons, to try naturally for a little longer.
A few months ago when we finally decided to go for MA he was much less resistant, but still thought it seemed natural. We decided to do what Morgan and her DH did - just BD on the IUI days (although we didn't even do that this time because I was so sore from all my follies). And I "helped" him get the sample ready
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  #7  
June 21st, 2010, 03:53 PM
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While my dh didn't seem to have too big of a problem with an iui, I could see why many men would. Maybe just reassure him that you would still be trying the "natural" way as well? We always had one iui followed by timed intercourse for a few days-so we don't really know what it took to get us pregnant. I do know that dh likes to believe Alex is the result of a night of fun rather than an iui. I say whatever works. I don't know your dh, but perhaps he's trying to work through it on his own and maybe that's why it looks like avoidance?
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  #8  
June 21st, 2010, 07:26 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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My DH wasn't thrilled about doing IUI, but neither of us felt we had much of a choice - everything else we tried didn't work. 9 months later we have a healthy happy little boy, and we both don't care much how we made him.
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  #9  
June 21st, 2010, 09:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ♥Ashley♥ View Post
Im sorry My DH was actually completely opposite... I was so sad and crying so badly that we have to go through this and cant be like everyone else and get pregnant in their own bedroom on their own time and it didnt cost them any $$$. He just kept telling me that means nothing at all to him if the end result is me actually ending up pregnant. He made me feel alot better! Just ask him if he is really serious about wanting a baby, this is your guys' next step.

Good Luck! I hope he agrees to it!
this is how I was too.
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Cycle #9 [May 29th, 2010]: 50mg Clomid CD 5-9: NO FOLLIES. On Provera.
Cycle #10 [July 13th, 2010]: 100mg Clomid CD 3-7: NO FOLLIES. Trying to ovulate on my own via a scan on CD 18! 12mm follie.

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  #10  
June 21st, 2010, 10:02 PM
KMH KMH is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle_m View Post
And I "helped" him get the sample ready
Good point...it doesn't have to be an awful, sterile, unromantic experience. I ordered some new lingerie for our "sample collection dates" and we tried to make things as fun as possible. MA is not ideal, but just like with everything else in life, you have to make the best of it!
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  #11  
June 22nd, 2010, 06:04 AM
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Hi Jes ~
So do you think your DH is opposed to doing anything other than trying meds, or he just doesnt even want to talk about other assistance ?? I had my DH come to an RE appt. & he sat right there with me, to hear statistics of IUI & IVF both & also the cost as well ( I dont think he has a clue really how it really all works though) but I dont forsee us doing anything other than me taking pills. DH views IUI/IVF as more of a "money making" deal for docs which really really irks me I admit I could be better at communicating with him how I really feel & how I really want this. Its been 2 yrs now & I dont know how much longer I will keep this bottled up. I dont think he has a clue how badly I want it. I hope your can sit down & have that conversation with your DH & convince him to give it a try. I may need some tips from you
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  #12  
June 22nd, 2010, 08:13 AM
jesridge's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi gals, thanks so much for your responses.

So I talked with DH yesterday, because avoiding things like this isn't really something he does if he's into it. And I wanted him to be 100% on board with having a baby, so I asked him to open up or I would recommend taking a break from TTC this month until we have it figured out.

He ended up basically saying that this time around it really hit him that we're having problems getting pregnant. He used to just say "it's just going to take a while," but now he's thinking it's taken long enough. I guess I reached that point at about month 6 of really trying (after about a year of NTNP). He's just now reaching it. All of our siblings had surprise babies, so we're really struggling with the thought that they could do it so easily, but we can't even when we're trying. He wants so badly just to do it on our own time, in our own place, all by ourselves, with no doctors intervening. I guess we all do. I think he just had to get past that thought that no matter HOW it actually happens, it will be the end result that will bring the most happiness. It's just really hard to know that it'll be something we couldn't do on our own. That really hurts, I guess.

On the other hand, though, my doctor recommended another round of Clomid 50mg and timed, natural BDing for this cycle. I'll most likely O right after we come back from the beach, and right before our 4 year anniversary, so maybe it'll be a good time for getting preggers. Who knows.

Thanks for letting me spill here, ladies! I really appreciate having people who understand. <3
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  #13  
June 22nd, 2010, 05:11 PM
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I don't have much more to add than what the other ladies said. Unfortunately, MA is hard on everyone involved, even our men. I hope that you and your DH can come to an understanding on the next step... but I really hope you won't have to worry about it because the anniversary sex will do the trick!!!
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