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Difficult Social Situation

Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance


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March 11th, 2011, 08:42 PM
hollann1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,307
We have been TTC for 18 months so you think i would be used to hearing about my friends being pregnant but i guess im not. Im in a book club( recently joined within the past year) and have become good friends with the girls in it( most of whom i didnt know before i joined). We usually get together once or twice a month. Within the past few months 4 of them have become pregnant. Each time i hear about it, it hits me like a ton of bricks. Tonight was the most recent one i was told of. It really just hit me again( maybe its because AF came today) and I was a quite the rest of the night. Not cause i really wanted to be but because i didnt want to break out in tears. I just felt like a terrible person to be around.
How do you go about being around friends when a majority of them are pregnant? Am i just making more out of this than it is?
They all know my story about how long its taking and my losses. One of the girls is in the same situation, she has been ttc for over a year so that helps. The other girls dont really understand( they all got pregnant on the first try) and so i know it makes them feel weird to talk about all of this around me. I love them all and i have become good friends with them all but i hate that everytime i hear about a new one i just become a crappy person to be around, which isnt fair to them either.

** Thank you Oona for the awesome siggy**
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March 11th, 2011, 10:11 PM
cavewoman's Avatar #2 due in June!
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 14,898
Aw Holly, you are not alone hun!!! I keep having this SAME exact problem and I feel awful for being so bitter about it. Lots of young military spouses are turning up pregnant left and right it seems and it just doesn't seem fair! Like today I find out one girl I know just found out shes pregnant, total surprise.. they weren't even trying to my knowledge! Shes only 21 years old and her and her husband haven't even been married 6 months yet I don't think.. and have already had marital issues!? Its like, really!?!? My DH yelled at me for being bitter about it ;\ not really yelled but like.. you know. I feel awful for feeling that way but just can't seem to help it! I don't have any advice really.. but know you aren't alone in feeling that way! I promise our time will come Holly

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March 12th, 2011, 06:06 AM
Posts: n/a
I'll be blunt.....I separated myself from the preggos because I wasn't strong enough to deal with....I didn't go to baby showers, I didn't engage in pregnancy conversation, etc. I was at my lowest point and I found it hard to be happy for ANYONE because I felt so "sorry" for myself
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March 12th, 2011, 06:30 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: *queen city* of North Carolina
Posts: 9,497
Depends on the person and context how hard it is for me. ((hugs)) it's not easy. It is really odd for me bc my best friend had a baby in Jan and it doesn't/didn't phase me at all. However, other pg are brutal!
To me, it's all about grieving, coping, and moving forward. I Always have that "sting" when I hear an announcement then cry or whatever in private if needed.
Proud Mommy To My Princess (5)
Watching over us -- August 2005, March 2010, October 2010, July 2011
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March 12th, 2011, 07:06 AM
hollann1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,307
Thanks girls, I feel much better knowing im not alone. I think my only saving grace with that group of friends is that im not alone. The one other girl who is going through the same thing and I have become very close. She is doing IUI this cycle where as we are still just doing clomid as we cant afford anything else so i feel a little behind, but I am truly happy for her.
As much as I dont want to I might need to distance myself from doing so much with them. About 3/4ths of the conversation last night was either about pregnancy, use not being able to get pregnant and MA, and it was a little to much more me.

** Thank you Oona for the awesome siggy**
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March 12th, 2011, 07:41 AM
KMH KMH is offline
TTCMA Cheer Captain
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: right of center
Posts: 19,318
I'm sorry...those situations are SO tough. I started out doing okay with stuff like that, but by the end I was more like Brandi...I kept to myself a lot because it was easier than going home from a get-together and bawling forever because I wanted to fit in with the other Mommies SO badly. You have to do whatever you can to ease the stress and get through the day, even if your friends/family/etc. don't understand.

I don't know if you're in the mood for a silver lining right now or not, but once you get that BFP (and you WILL!), it is awesome to have a lot of BTDT Mommies as friends. They'll be able to give you lots of advice when you need it, and they will probably also offer you a lot of new or gently used baby stuff that they don't need anymore

Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (5), Abigail (3) and George (3)

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March 12th, 2011, 09:43 AM
adnelg775's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,233
Isn't this supposed to be a BOOK club??
I think it is unfair that they should hog the discussion with baby talk. Surely, there are other clubs out there if they want to do that.

I say you are right to be upset.

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