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Trying to decide?????


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
May 15th, 2011, 11:50 AM
hollann1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Wisconsin
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We are trying to decide if we should go further into MA or start the adoption process. I am scared out of my mind to do both. After having 2 losses my anxiety about being pregnant is through the roof and im not sure if im ready to put myself through all the medical tests and meds. Plus the expense would be great and most would have to be paid up front( i dont know if the new RE place im looking at has a payment plan). As for adoption there are a million things that of course could go wrong preventing us from moving foward with this option. Ive contacted someone that works at the childrens court here( my dad knows her) to ask more questions and how to possibly start the process. Not sure if we would end up going through an agency or her but of course i havent heard back from her yet. I would think with adoption the timeline is more spread out giving us more time to build our savings to pay for it.
I dont want to feel like im choosing adoption because im so scared to do further MA but sometimes it feels that way. I have always wanted to adopt at some point, i just figured it would be further down the road.
All of this is scary. Huge life choices. I wish i could just get/stay pregnant on my own and not have to worry
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  #2  
May 15th, 2011, 12:01 PM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: North Texas
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Have you done any of the Recurrent Miscarriage or Genetic testing? Sometimes it can be fixed simply by taking baby aspirin, and sometimes it requires IVF with PGD, but I'd get more answers about why you miscarry before you make any decisions

I get it. We took off an entire year of this whole process after losses. I was just flat out done.
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  #3  
May 15th, 2011, 12:05 PM
hollann1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I have had all the blood tests done except the genetic karyotyping tests done. We would forsure get those done before doing IUI or IVF.
I think i might set up an appointment with this new RE just to hear what she suggests. It might make it eaiser for me to process everything.
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  #4  
May 15th, 2011, 02:25 PM
LindseyE117's Avatar Wookie's Girl
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
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Adopting a child is also a huge expense, paid up front also. I had a friend who spent over $20k for her adopted baby. Then again, I personally have not adopted, so I am not an expert by any means.

As for your RE and payment plans, you can call and ask them about it. My RE has financial assistance (thank God).

Any which way you go about it both are stressful, long, and expensive processes. You need to do what you feel is right in your heart.
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  #5  
May 15th, 2011, 03:07 PM
KMH KMH is offline
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This isn't probably as helpful as you hoped...but this is one of those things that no one can answer except you and DH.

In our hearts, my DH and I knew we weren't ready to adopt, because we always felt like it was our 2nd choice. Adoption felt like settling, and I didn't want to go into it with that attitude. We never ruled it out completely, but knew that we could never move forward with it unless our hearts were 110% in it. If we did proceed with the adoption process, it seemed unfair to our potential child (who wants to be adopted by parents who "settle" for you?) and also to the families whose hearts were 110% in it.

After our last (6th) failed IUI, we had an IVF consult with our RE and then took a little break to figure out what our next step was. We said a lot of prayers and made a lot of pros/cons lists, and in the end, IVF was right for us.

No matter what you decide, I hope you find a plan that you and DH can both be excited about...and I hope it brings you the family you have been longing for
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  #6  
May 15th, 2011, 04:06 PM
hollann1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think you guys are right. If we aren't 110% into the idea of adoption then it isn't fair to anyone. I just wish I was so scared of having another loss or that we take that next MA step and it doesn't work. Thanks for listening girls.
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  #7  
May 15th, 2011, 06:30 PM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: North Texas
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I totally totally get it. I think I do this once a month- talk with DH about our choices, and start looking up adoption lawyers. Then I start reading on the Adoption forums, especially the stories of adult adoptees. Even the well adjusted very healthy adoptees discuss the difficulties with adoption, even as adults.

Adoption Forums, Message Boards, Discussion Groups. Adopting, Foster, Baby Adoptions

This article is an adult adoptee and it's pretty frank about the difficulties Grown In My Heart Ok, It Is Hard To Talk About It
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  #8  
May 16th, 2011, 06:45 AM
Toots216's Avatar Super Mommy
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Hi Holly - I've had two losses too, so I TOTALLY understand the anxiety. I was originally against doing MA, but once we got the ball rolling with testing, it just kind of blossomed into something else completely. We have been lucky bc our insurance has covered testing and monitoring (which we were told they did not? I'm not asking any questions!), but we've had to pay OOP for our IUI's and meds. MA is not as scary as it seems as long as you have the right RE.

So far I've had two (almost 3, I'll know later this week) failed IUI's on clomid, so our next step is injectibles ($$$). Failed MA treatments are ROUGH, but somehow you manage to bounce back. We may try one cycle of injectibles this summer, and then just start saving for a down payment on IVF next summer. There are definitely a lot of ways to finance MA, you just need to check with your RE. You'd finance a car, why wouldn't you finance MA? (That's what DH and I keep telling ourselves, lol).
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  #9  
May 16th, 2011, 09:21 AM
♥Ashley♥'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree with Lauren, I do this all the time. Get really really mad and then decide to talk to Jason about where were at and if we should change our plan. Its a really hard decision to make, choosing to do IVF or adopt. And its obviously something only you and your DH can decide! Good Luck to you! I completely understand what your going through
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  #10  
May 16th, 2011, 10:15 AM
*JenJen*'s Avatar impatiently waiting
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We took a long time to save and decide what route was for sure for us. We knew that no matter what, we didn't want to go into debt to build our family, so it was going to be a long wait. We discussed adoption, IVF, IUI w/DS, expensive surgeries that could possibly make it so we didn't need to do any of the above, and even just living our life as a family of two(plus the stepkids when they are with us). We had to find what was right for us, not what was right with anyone else. We do plan on adopting someday, but right now we want so desperately to have a baby together and experience the joys of pregnancy, childbirth, etc. that we knew adoption was not right at this time.

Only the two of you can decide what is right. It also can't hurt to take a few months off to save money and to decide what is right for you guys. Good luck making the decision!
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  #11  
May 16th, 2011, 08:10 PM
hollann1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you so much girls! I was talking with one of my good friends about this and she asked me a question that got me thinking. She asked if i would regret not trying fertility treatments? I realized that yes i would. So i think right now we are going to save as much as possible( which is hard for us since DH has a ton of student loans). I am calling a new RE office tomorrow to set up a consultation a few months out. I know they do payment plans as i had a friend go there but in the end it will be a lot of money. i think i will just feel better with a plan and a possible sense of hope.
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