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How can I best support my friend?

Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance


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June 20th, 2006, 07:28 PM
EricaInOhio's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 421
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I had fertility issues before my 1st pg. I conceived my dd on clomid. However now that I have had her my hormone levels have returned to normal and I did not need any medication to conceive the first month after I stopped breatfeeding my dd (ended in early m/c). I turned around and conceived the following month and we are praying everyday that this one sticks. So I have gone from being a friend who also struggled with fertility issues to being "fertile mertyl" as my dear friend calls me. Basically, she don't feel like I can understand her struggle any more. But I did have 9 months of TTC and 4 more TTC with Clomid before I was lucky enough to have things turn around. Unfortunately I think she resents me for becoming pregnant and I just don't know how I can support her/ help her. My friend appears to o normally, but her DH's count and motility are low. They tried incimination with washed sperm 3 times. Her doc has suggested IVF, but she is convinced they can't afford it. Mind you she just took a very good paying job. Her husband makes OK money and they have enough money to build a new home. To me is seems like they have just given up and I think they will regret this desicion later in life once it is too late (they are both 30). Obviously I can't say that to her. I just know that when we were having trouble conceiving I knew we would take out a loan to do IVF or adopt. I wasn't going to let anything stop me from being a mom. They are against adopting (another issue I can't understand). So do you think she just doesn't want to be a mom as bad as I did or can someone explain being so against seeking other options? What if anything should I say to her? Has anyone looked into the price of IVF? On the web some places say $12,000 per cycle, but I think that really depends on what part of the US you are in. I heard that a friend of a friend only paid $3,000 total, but I don't know how many cycles that was. We are in Ohio where the cost of everything is lower than the East or West coast. Thanks for your help.

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June 20th, 2006, 10:49 PM
mrsracatoe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,203
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First of all I want to say on your pregnancy! I am sending you some sticky dust too.

Second I would like to say that I am sorry about your friend giving up so easily. She has only done 3 cycles of insemination and thats it? Some people just come to the conclusion after the first few months that they can't handle the stress of ttc. It really sounds like to me that she is busy concentrating on other things right now. Maybe right now its just not the right time for them. Everything happens for a reason. If she isn't willing to take try anything else then you can't make her. Just show her support on what she decides and be there for her. After they get their house built she might be ready to ttc again. Who knows, its possible. I'm sorry because I really don't have the right answer. Is she even interested in finding out information regarding procedures or anything? Maybe she doesn't want to do anything else because she is scared. I have no clue. Good Luck with everything!! We are here for ya!!

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