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Need Some Advice (also posted in Jan DDC)

Forum: Large Families


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December 22nd, 2009, 08:15 AM
Sally5's Avatar Exhausted Mommy!
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Central Georgia, USA
Posts: 3,136
I feel like I must have lost my mind!

Through this entire pregnancy I have thought this would be our last baby. We have even made the appointment for DH to have his vasectomy at the end of January. Then he and I got to talking and it turns out that he really wants 2 children really close together. He regrets that our kids are so spaced out as it is (DD is 9, DS #1 is 5, and DS #2 is expected anyday). He also went on to say that he knows that 10 years down the road from now if we don't have another child after Jax (and really close to Jax) that we will both regret it....and I think he is right.

When I think of what things in my life are the most valuable, the most treasured, and the most enjoyable, I think of my children. Why would I not want to multiply that?

I know that things would be harder financially, but then again I will be done with school my master's degree in a few years (going part-time) and that will make up for it - so just a few years of cutting back would be necessary. The worst thing would be that we would have to go ahead and buy a new house and me a new car before I graduate and then turn around and buy another house (and maybe car) after I graduate (my salary will more than double). I guess we could rent for a few years - that would probably be the better option.

So, my mind is just reeling with all sorts of questions...like, how soon can you safely get pregnant after giving birth? How do you manage to get pregnant while breastfeeding? If nipple stimulation leads to oxytocin release and thus uterine contractions then how do you prevent a miscarriage while nursing and pregnant? And most importantly, will a 4th child take away from the others or will a 4th child only add to our family's happiness??? I am sooooo confused and torn. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated!

~*Sally*~ wife to Chris since 2000, mom to Morgan (12), Jonah (8), and Jaxson (3)

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December 22nd, 2009, 12:01 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Andrews AFB, MD
Posts: 15,496
All mine are pretty close together, so I'm not sure what it would be like having them so spread apart. My older two are just 14 months apart, and then there is a 21 month gap between #2 and #3. My younger two are great friends and have a lot in common, so I think you could go for a two year gap and still consider that close in age. I really don't recommend in the 14 month gap. I mean they are best friends now, but that pregnancy was really really hard on me.
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December 22nd, 2009, 01:05 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,406
Don't worry about the next one when you are just now due with this one. Let nature takes its course. You don't have to keep buying new houses and new cars. I think you are overthinking all of this. Just don't get the vasectomy, enjoy the natural relationship with your husband, and babies will come when they come. They usually only come one at a time. Relax. Best wishes for a healthy delivery for you!
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December 22nd, 2009, 01:51 PM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Somewhere near Detroit, MI
Posts: 8,975
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Jenifer....The Queen Bee
Nehemiaah Franklin 11/10/14 4:16am 9lbs 9oz
Welcome to the world lil' man!!
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December 22nd, 2009, 01:55 PM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
My last 2 babies are (let me do the math for once to get an exact number here)... 10 months 18 days apart

I don't recommend that!

I agree with FW, just let nature take it's course and stop over-planning things. It never hurts to have a dream, but sometimes life just....happening can be a wonderful thing.

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December 22nd, 2009, 07:26 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 5,217
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Spacing was an issue for me at first. I couldn't believe the gap between number 1 and number 3. Now I could care less and if another comes along, that's fine with me too

Sapphire was 8 and Sebastian 5 when I had Esme. Then almost exactly two years later I had Clara. Esme was 15 months (and STILL nursing at night) when I conceived with an evening of throwing caution to the wind. 2 years is PLENTY close IMO.

Mom x 5

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