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ot: lonely & depressed

Forum: Large Families


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  • 1 Post By Farmers-wife
  • 1 Post By UrbanMomma
  • 2 Post By sarahlorrain

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December 5th, 2012, 05:23 AM
marlz_04's Avatar Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 40
Hi all. ive posted here before a few times.. and im sorry to post hear but i dunno where to go. i dont want to bash my family or friends ears so its hard.

ive been with dh for 8yrs.. we have 4 kids under 7. weve had alot of problems in our relationship and to be honest i dont know how were still together.

dh has cheated in the past.. I hardly bring ti up unless if were in a argument and that comes up. its really messed me up. i have tried to hide it for years but now i dont..

see at the moment my problem is dh works afternoons to 10:30 at night comes home sits on the computer for a hour or 2.. we go to bed.. get up i take kids to school come home hes gone to hang out at his mates work shop to help him. his friend will pay him time to time but hes gones months no pay.. its basically a place to hang out.. so the kids will see dh for 15mins in the after noon. i see him for 1-2 on the computer by 1230 my eyes are hanging out my head.. but thats the only time i get to see him unless if i stop in to see him at work shop..

Now im just lonely and getting bitter.. I have to winge and wine to get him to come home or for us to do something.. I do practically everything for the kids and get no break.
he makes out hes got it bad but he doesnt have to help his mate.. he chooses to. I ask him every day to come home early to see kids.. he gets back 20 mins before hes got to work..

ive explained im lonely and i want time with him.. i want the kids to have time with him but he doesnt care... just says all i do is winge and carry on.. but i only do it because im unhappy and he doesnt listen to anything i say..

3 months ago I decided we where better off apart.. because we both clearly want different things.. I want more of a family life.. i want someone that wants to teach his kids things.. and I want to be loved.. i want to be able to get kisses and cuddles to snuggle..

But dh got really upset said hed do this and do that.. that he loves me.. loves the kids and wants to be with me the rest of his life..

3 months later that alll soon goes out the window.. i will say he tried for a couple of weeks. the only time its good if we go away on a holiday.

everytime i talk to him we just end up in a argument... because im a winger and ask for to much..
we do end up talking but all id forgotten about what ive said to him.. next day his back at his mates..

i dunno what to do.. i dont want to give up on our relationship.. but im the only one fighting for it..
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December 5th, 2012, 07:52 AM
Mom to 8 amazing kids
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melba, Idaho
Posts: 2,672
I'm gonna be honest, if you are the only fighting, it's not gonna work. He may need a real wake up call, and it sounds like both of you could use some family counseling.
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December 5th, 2012, 07:54 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southern cali
Posts: 3,549
sounds pretty sad. i pray you find the answers you seek and that God will bless your marriage.
what goes around, comes around.....
speak with kindness....

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December 5th, 2012, 08:28 AM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,406
It sounds to me like you need to take care of the kids and find your own stuff to do. Just go about life following what interests you and the kids and let him participate or not. For whatever reason, he has checked out. If he won't do counseling, do your own thing. Either he will come around or he won't. Meanwhile, invest in your relationship with our kids, the rest of your family, your friends.
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December 5th, 2012, 08:49 AM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Somewhere near Detroit, MI
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Personally I'd leave him. Life is too short to be miserable and I agree if you are the only one fighting for the relationship it won't work.
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December 6th, 2012, 10:53 PM
acupofjoe's Avatar Proud mama of three!
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Location: washington state.
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I agree with with the other ladies. I second counseling..Sorry I am not much help but if I were in that situation I think I would take the kids and leave or have him leave for awhile. It sounds like you are already doing everything anyways so why have another person to feed/tend to/take care of if he is not helping then he should not be there. I hope you dont take it in a bad way because I dont mean it like that at all. I think a break sounds like a good thing. Hugs and good luck!
Nessa proud married working mother of three kids in Washington state. Trying to raise our family of five as LDS. Taking life one day at a time.
Jordan - 6 yr; Stan - 4 yr; & Tyler - 2 yr.
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December 7th, 2012, 02:03 AM
Iluvmybabies*'s Avatar Mama to 5 girls and 1 boy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Calgary, Alberta
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I'm so sorry Hun I hope it all works out I have no advice but wanted to give *hugs*
Matt(38)DH & soulmate for 15 1/2yrs (V-Feb 20/08 * VR-Feb 18/11)
6 time HG survivor , AP Mama to 5 GIRLS & a 1 BOY
Karrara 11 01/11/05, Kaiah 9 1/2 07/01/06, Kayda 8 01/12/08
Katara 4 02/10/12, Korra 2 1/2 10/10/13, Kannon 14mo 02/21/15
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December 7th, 2012, 08:49 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
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(((hugs))) it's a lonely place to be. Good advice has been given already.
mom of 5 girls
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December 11th, 2012, 09:44 AM
2pinks&ablue's Avatar Chantelle
Join Date: May 2007
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 36,142
I agree with the other ladies. If he is willing to try counselling, great, but otherwise there isn't much else to try on your part. I was where you are with my exhusband, and it's a terrible place to be. It was hard, but eventually I just had to give up. *hugs*
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January 26th, 2013, 07:17 AM
marlz_04's Avatar Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 40
Well not alot has changed since this post. I honeslty dont know what to do.. I love him.. hes been in my life along time.. big part of my life.. but I have alot of days where I think in my head why am i still here?? like i dont get why i put up with half the crap.. Im not feeling as lonely as I was.. but still it upsets me that he doesnt see how I feel.. thank god the kids dont care..

Thanks for all your advice.. we have seen councillors but he doesnt listen to them.. he thinks its bullcrap.. so thats a no go.. I just hope I get to the point where i dont give a f uk about him and can just leave..
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January 26th, 2013, 09:00 AM
4 Boys & 4 Girls !
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,729
Im sorry things arent any better. its sad the counseling didnt help, hopefullly time will change things and your family will grow together. hugs.
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January 26th, 2013, 09:31 AM
sarahlorrain's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 5,501
I am sorry to hear that. I feel that if you've done everything you can to save the marriage, including (and this may sound harsh, but hear me out) take a deep look at yourself and make sure that there is nothing you should change about yourself to save the marriage, then it's time to leave. You have to face that either you married an a-hole or somehow you have changed to a person that he didn't marry which is causing him to act like this.

The only reason I say this is because I have been there and realized that I was partially to blame in our problems. Once I changed my behavior, so did he.

Plus, if you've done all this and the marriage still cannot be saved, then you will have no regrets because you'll know without a doubt that you did all that you could.

I'm really sorry, it's a ****** situation.
mom2more and Farmers-wife like this.
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January 27th, 2013, 12:48 AM
mommy2lilmen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Delta, BC Canada
Posts: 2,925
Im sorry
I been there done that for almost 12 years and he still wont hear a thing .. and we are parenting 4 kids after our separation. Leaving isnt always easy .. sometimes isnt the answer if youve done everything and being the only one, it cant work. You two will always fight, Its sad. I feel sorry for what your going through. wish I could help you out. I know how hard it is to have your husband home but not, I know how hard it is to be the one to do all the cooking schools appointments and what not, to cry yourself to sleep cus your alone, you just want that hug, that appreciation, that acknowldegement that your there . Im sorry hugs
Mommy to 7 boys and 1 girl!
Sean 19, Justin 16, Kevin 14, Jayson 13, Bryce 7, Seth 6, Kade 4 & Alyssa 3
4 babies 94,95,99, 08~TL April 2003 & Sept 2013 TR May 2008

Blessed with 1 son with Autism and 1 daughter with Down Syndrome child she was also born with Pulmonary Hypertension, Oxygen dependence, complete AVSD, Hirschsprungs, GJ tube dependant and many more health issues
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