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Do your inlaws treat you equal?

Forum: Large Families


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December 28th, 2012, 08:14 AM
shari626's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Delaware
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Dh and I have been married for nearly 20 years. The weird thing I find about Christmas - it happens EVERY year - is the inequality in the gifts.

My FIL has a wife. Not my real MIL and this woman never had children of her own. Each year FIL and wifey give all three kids (dh and two sisters) $200 gift cards or cash equivalent. Even my nephew gets that much. I am not trying to be ungrateful - but every year I get a $50 gift card to Marshalls. It's seriously like a joke now. I hate Marshalls. Not because it's a bad store, I just don't like picking through the find something. The only reason I even go is because of the gift card. Don't you find it odd that they do that? Why wouldn't they just give dh and I a together gift?

:::: maybe I am being ungrateful.

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December 28th, 2012, 08:51 AM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree, why not just give you a gift together. Do the sisters husbands get gifts? Are they equal to yours? Do they know you dislike Marshalls?
Jenifer....The Queen Bee
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December 28th, 2012, 10:37 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 2,797
Shari, it made me laugh after 20 years.......

We get seperate gifts from inlaws, but they are usually pretty "equal". My inlaws give me pretty thoughtful gifts, so I'm lucky.

I agree with UM, what do the other spouses get?
Jesus loving, homeschooling, gardening lover, devoted wife to a wonderful hubby and 10 kids, ages 13 down to 12.5 months . We are expecting number 11 due January 1st, 2015.

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December 28th, 2012, 10:55 AM
4 Boys & 4 Girls !
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That doesnt sound very nice really. I mean what is $50 going to buy anyways? Have you brought that up with your Dh? It would be interesting to know what you get them? But it doesnt seem that it would be something they are doing to spite you, maybe they think you love marshels and you love buying socks from their.

When I get gifts from my inlaws....they are always desinger things or gold with real gems! ...family is family in laws or not!
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December 28th, 2012, 11:03 AM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I've never talked to DH's dad, and only spoke to his mom on the phone one year, 5 years ago, for 30 seconds on Christmas. They've never acknowledged the kids, sent them anything etc. I'm sure Rob would probably send it back if his dad sent him anything, but his mom could treat us like we exist at least! She's sent money to his brother David many many times, and has paid for their kids to go visit her in AZ and stuff. No big deal I guess.

In your case I don't know what I would do. I've never been to Marshals to begin with. I'd take 50 to anywhere, and if my DH got a gift card to somewhere or cash it would be me spending it anyway, so it seems silly that they give you separate gifts.

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December 28th, 2012, 01:28 PM
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My parents give us a cheque and leave it up to us how we want to spend it, it's for both of us or our family, whatever.

Dh's parents give us each a chocolate letter. It's true. They give us $20 for our birthdays. So I guess at least they keep it even. I feel like telling them to stop though, if they're going to act like they're so hard up then keep your $20.

My parents give dh and I $100 for our birthdays.
mom of 5 girls
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December 28th, 2012, 02:55 PM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My mom gives us a joint gift of a gift card usually, and then brings me something for the house, this year she gave me some new cookie sheets. My dad gives gifts, sometimes it's something really stupid, like that 500 piece wolf puzzle last year...? He gave Rob a really nice grill set this year, and a new grill brush. He was pretty excited. They gave the kids some kind of stupid gifts though. Gave Bastian a sockem bopper? punching bag... like a 3year old needs that. It already busted a hole and is in the garbage.

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December 28th, 2012, 03:20 PM
sarahlorrain's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Both of our families are pretty good about being even. I think my Mom gives me a tad more than she gives dh, but it's not like blatantly obvious or rude.
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December 28th, 2012, 07:39 PM
2pinks&ablue's Avatar Chantelle
Join Date: May 2007
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 36,142
Our families are very fair, we're lucky that way. Does your DH know how you feel? Maybe he culd sneak something in about a together gift?
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December 28th, 2012, 08:45 PM
Mom to 8 amazing kids
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My MIL gives hubby more, but that's cause she is always trying to buy him...he can't really stand her, but I don't really ever feel jipped by it.
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December 28th, 2012, 08:54 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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dh is an only child and his parents and grampa give us cash, works for us!

funny thing, if you don't like Marshall's that much, trade gift cards with someone who does

Lucky mother to five!

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December 29th, 2012, 07:28 AM
Babymakes8's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yes, my inlaws (hubby's family) completely ignore both of us for birthdays and holidays. We don't mind.

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December 29th, 2012, 11:37 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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i don't have in-laws....haven't since i was married the first time and i can't remember back that far!!! and now i don't have parents either so.......but in retrospect, they did 'couple' gifts as much as i remember.
what goes around, comes around.....
speak with kindness....

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December 29th, 2012, 09:26 PM
HalfDozen's Avatar Formerly Number5OnTheWay
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,596
I guess I may be the dissenting opininon. I fully expect that my in-laws would get my husband more than they get me. However, my husband feels that they like me better, and admittedly, I do make out pretty good with them. Likewise, though, he would expect that my parents spend more on me than they do on him.

Do other spouses get the same amount as you? I would imagine that since they keep buying you a Marshall's card, they figure that you like shopping there. Maybe hubby needs to drop some hints about other places that you would rather shop.
Mommy to Jasmine (18), Kirsten (14), Ana (13), Katie (3), Xavier (1), and Gunnar (born 10-15-14)

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December 30th, 2012, 02:06 AM
acupofjoe's Avatar Proud mama of three!
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I dont think you are being ungrateful. Sounds like mine, lol. I always had to sit there and watch everyone else open gift after gift for the longest time and then I dont know what changed but they finally started to buy something for me as well but its always some thoughtless gift like a 25 dollar GC to some store I never go to like kohles or best buy, lol. I just say thank you and give it to my dh when we leave. It does hurt my feelings though but not much anymore like it used to. I dont really care about the gifts but I thought it was kind of rude to leave me out but now after all these years I am just like whatever. Its obviously not going to change now.
Nessa proud married working mother of three kids in Washington state. Trying to raise our family of five as LDS. Taking life one day at a time.
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December 30th, 2012, 07:51 AM
shari626's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I should have clarified. I am the only spouse. Dh's sisters don't have spouses. His two sisters are not necessarily "normal". LONG story on them. Dh gets a $200 GC to Home Depot. His one sister also got 200 to Home DePot (she has a house) and the other got 200 in cash. Nephew got 200 in cash.

Seriously - this has been going on so long that everyone knows it's a joke (except my in laws apparently) and it's hard to keep a straight face when I open it. My nephew gave me a GC to DSW shoe store last year and taped a Marshall's logo over the original one. LOL My nephew currently lives in Colorado doing service work and my girls took a pic of the gift card to text him. Dh knows how I feel and to him it's no big deal. It's not really with me either - it's not like I would ever say something. EVER. I just wondered if I was wrong in thinking it's weird. I also get that gift for my birthday. My MIL loves Marshall's and she thinks I must too. My dh got $600 for his birthday from them. The kicker is that they have money. Plenty of it. I will continue to just smile and thank them.

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December 30th, 2012, 07:26 PM
Platinum Supermommy
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I think it just depends on the family. One of my grandmas gives dh and I each $50 (and new socks, lol) each year. The other grandmother (who is MY grandma) always gives my dh a check or cash and tells him to share with me. My in-laws do give bigger gifts to their own sons. I never thought it was weird really. I get the same as the other two daughter-in-laws.
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December 30th, 2012, 08:15 PM
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 404
I would say when it comes to gifts, they are equal. We actually do a gift exchange for Christmas with the adults so not everyone gets a gift from them. For birthdays, I feel it's the same.
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December 31st, 2012, 06:39 AM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Perth, Australia
Posts: 66
Once we hit 'adulthood' (around 25/30) it is an understanding in our whole family that we no longer buy gifts for each other. Then it becomes the kids turn. Birthdays are still acknowledged with gifts and cards but Christmas is reserved for the kids, but that's just us and for me it really helps take the stress out of Christmas gift buying.

If I ever did buy gifts for adults at Christmas they would be joint for married or 'together' couples as these are much easier than individual!
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January 4th, 2013, 10:47 AM
Kristina's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My in-laws tend to give me more actually lol. Well dh's dad gives us a gift together and so does his grandmother but his mom always gives me more. This year she gave me a keurig machine(lots of k-cups), a $75 gift card to a book store and a new set of flannel sheets. of course dh will use the keurig machine and sheets. For him she got him an electric griddle, 2 pairs of dress pants, flash lights and a grateful dead t-shirt,lol. On my parents side we draw names so its even there too.

Kristina SAHM of Janessa 16, Xandria 14, Thayer 13, Alorah 10, Nathalia 9, Malayna 7, Sawyer 5, Ryder 3, Kristiana 1 and edd Jan 24

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