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Birth Order in large families

Forum: Large Families


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  • 1 Post By Repti.Mom
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February 7th, 2013, 11:57 AM
Jenilope's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Western Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 13,688
I was oldest of 3 and my sister and I often talk and joke about birth order affecting personalities, especially because we each pretty well fit the prescribed archetype for our family position.

So, I was curious about birth order in families of more than 3 kids and started looking things up, and all I could find was pretty much quackery and rudeness (like how all kids develop their birth order based personalities due to the trauma of having to deal with siblings and finding their own ways to make up for the lack of love or abandonment they "naturally" feel. Hogwash.)

Have you guys developed any of your own birth order theories for large families, or does it just not apply usefully to families of more than 3 children?
Mom to four beautiful girls
Matilda (6), Evelyn (5), Adelaide (3), Cecily (20 months)

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February 7th, 2013, 12:24 PM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 15,641
I don't know that I believe any of that birth order stuff. I am a first born, and I am a people pleaser, but I am not aggressive, I don't think I'm a natural leader. When given a choice I'd rather someone else take the lead.

Also according to that my husband and I should be getting divorced. We're both first born.
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February 7th, 2013, 12:52 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,386
If you ever do read up on birth order, read Kevin Lemans book (I heart Kevin Leman). I really do like his book a lot, and although not everything can be explained by birth order, but there's something to be said for it.

I'm out of a family of 5, and my 3 older brothers follow the oldest/middle/yougest thing to a T. I'm after a gap, and a different gender, so I'm a functional firstborn (also true) with a few "middles' traits thrown in. Then my sister is much younger, so she's like an only, with a hefty dose of youngest.

With my own girls my oldest is totally the oldest, with all the first-born traits, my next two are total middles, and I believe that my younger 2 fight the most because they're both trying to be the baby of the family. I only have 5 though, don't know either how it would work with way more kids.
mom of 5 girls
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February 7th, 2013, 02:02 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 2,797
Beth, I am your clone! And my hubby and I weren't suppose to get married either, and were told so, because we are both first borns. I think we are doing okay, hehe.

I think it has more to do with the parents pushing a first born and spoiling the 2nd one. Seems pretty common if you have two kids. Was true in both my hubbys and my families growing up.
Jesus loving, homeschooling, gardening lover, devoted wife to a wonderful hubby and 10 kids, ages 13 down to 12.5 months . We are expecting number 11 due January 1st, 2015.

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February 7th, 2013, 02:17 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
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I think being told not to get married (or divorced) because you're both firstborns (or babies or middles) is taking it too far. LOL, because I was the youngest for so long I have validation issues

I'm a firstborn-ish, dh is a middle child of 3. Which is one of the reasons why he wanted more than 3.
mom of 5 girls
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February 7th, 2013, 02:20 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,406
I just love Kevin's book! I think it has so much validity!

In our case we have 3 girls, then 3 boys. Both sets fall in line with the birth order book. Each first born of each sex are very typical. Both seconds are very typical. The babies of each set aren't terribly babyish, so maybe more middles. Then we have our babies, which are g-b-g. The first of that group really became another first born girl. It was weird. I expected a 7th kid to be more laid back. She is not. The other two fall in line with what I expected. It remains to be seen how babyish the baby is in the long run. I expect I will totally make her into a classic baby.

In my family of origin, it was me and my sister. We are 5 years apart and lived apart for more years than we lived together. We are both very only like, but also I am first and she is baby.

My husbands family is his sister, him, his twin brother. Again, they are so typical. She is very first/only, as she was so separated from them. The twins are also very first/baby. With my husband also being very middle.

It is uncanny.
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February 7th, 2013, 02:36 PM
Momtothe6thpower's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Smalltown, USA
Posts: 8,418
I'm going to have to read the book. My 3 much older brothers are your typical oldest, middle, baby...I get jealous at how way they blend. I was raised more as an only child/baby.

#1 is five years older than #2 but I kept my niece and nephews for a big part of that 5 yrs so she's kinda the baby of that group and still to this day acts like it. She doesn't really lead her siblings and gets jealous of them easily. #2 is the leader of the group, even tries to lead #1 (which she hates!).
I'm not sure if #3 and #4 act like typical 'middles' or not. I'm not sure about #5 either, she really acts like the boss of everyone but is still sweet about it...she has a way about her that makes everyone (in this house anyway) want to please her...#6 is very much the typical baby...that girl gets down right ugly if you step into her spotlight!
Cortney...mom to A, C, E, L, I, and R

When I'm Due...

When I think this baby will actually come out

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February 7th, 2013, 02:51 PM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Somewhere near Detroit, MI
Posts: 8,975
I am an oldest, think I pretty much fall in line with being an oldest. My dh is also an oldest, but, his parents were 15 and 16 when he was born , so he was raised by his grandma at the end of her bunch so he is a little oldest and a little youngest.

I don't think my oldest is like an oldest, but my oldest dd is EXACTLY like an oldest and she is #5.
Jenifer....The Queen Bee
Nehemiaah Franklin 11/10/14 4:16am 9lbs 9oz
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February 9th, 2013, 10:46 PM
mommy2lilmen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Delta, BC Canada
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I am the 2nd of 4 kids. My oldest is the oldest, spoiled got away with everything and so on, myself I am the pleaser, the mediator (I STILL AM) and my sister, the baby of the girls was that the baby, then my brother, altho he was the baby baby he was the oldest of the boys, so he took on both the oldest spoiled got his way and was treated like the baby and still got his way lol

I have 7
My oldest boy, acts like the oldest
My 2nd and 3rd are pleasers but
My 3rd and 4th fight, as the 4th was the baby and the 3rd wanted to be the baby.
Now my 4th isnt the baby no more and he wants to be the oldest of the newest ones and that isnt going well for my 5th
My 5th and 6th clash as they want to be incontrol and be the oldest,
my 7th, well hes still a baby, but he does try to take over the 6th, quite funny

Hmm now that I am reading up on it, I do expect my oldest boy #1 and #5 (since hes pretty much oldest of the younger 3) perfection and high standards from them, my baby (#4) is so the lets have fun lets do it, kind of kid. Scary how this is true for my kids lol my siblings are so like this. No wonder we dont fit together at times, we get along now that we arent living together but still
Mommy to 7 boys and 1 girl!
Sean 21, Justin 17, Kevin 16, Jayson 15 Bryce 8, Seth 7, Kade 5 & Alyssa 4
4 babies 94,95,99, 08~TL April 2003 & Sept 2013 TR May 2008

Blessed with 1 son with Autism and 1 daughter with Down Syndrome child she was also born with Pulmonary Hypertension, Oxygen dependence, complete AVSD, Hirschsprungs, GJ tube dependant and many more health issues
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