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Having trouble moving on, wanting more...

Forum: Large Families


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  • 1 Post By Farmers-wife
  • 2 Post By clouise

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April 25th, 2013, 06:39 PM
escowood84's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2009
Location: California
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Hello, my name is Angel I have 5 biological children and 1 step daughter and have been with my wonderful husband 10 years now. I have always wanted children and I feel I'm very good at Being a mom ....My family has never supported me having children and after my last 2 children being born early 32 weeks in 2007 and 34 weeks 2009, I had a tubal ligation but at my 6 week check up my doctor informed me there could be a small chance my right tube wasn't tied because sample sent to lab come back as scare tissue. Rather then being upset I said okay then this was meant to be and if it happens it happens but lately I have been wanting a baby more then I can explain and everyone acts like I'm crazy I've been hopeing that I end up pregnant for about 2 months now but nothing is something wrong with me I'm having trouble moving on. I know I should be thankful for what I have, I am.. Deep down I feel I need a baby! My husband calls me a baby hoarder.. Anyone else feel this way..
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April 25th, 2013, 09:00 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,406
I think it is perfectly normal. It is what you were designed to do and you realize the worth and value of it. Is he open to adopting? Are you interested in fostering?
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April 26th, 2013, 01:31 PM
escowood84's Avatar Veteran
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Location: California
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I'm trying to talk him into it he doesn't understand he says time to move on to next stage, in 5-10 years will have grand kid :-s so I'm trying to move on but I'm stuck, again... Next year I will have no kids at home my youngest will be 4 this year and in pre-k (panicking ) redoing my house finding projects to do...
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April 26th, 2013, 03:39 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
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Try homeschooling! I am never alone!
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April 30th, 2013, 05:38 PM
<3 Proud Mommy <3
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 163
Angel, I can definitely sympathize with you....

I was #4 of 5 children & was raised with many cousins always around. I loved every single moment of it! From the time I was very young I knew I wanted two things out of life -- become a doctor & become a mother of a large family, 6 at the very least, but ideally 10.

Fast forward to when I was16... I went into the hospital believing I was having my appendix removed & woke up being told they had to remove my one tube because it was missing some sort of duct, became inflammed, & ultimately became infected. A few months later my appendix ruptured and severly damaged my remaining tube. I was told at that time that the odds of having children without any medical intervention were slim - maybe 10%. I realize I was young, but I was BEYOND devastated! I felt as if part of my dreams were just going up in smoke...

It was shortly after all that, that my best friend, an only child, had asked me to marry him, knowing that I may never bare him any children, even though he was just as passionate as I was about having a large family. We had plans to wed as soon as I finished high school, move to Boston where I was accepted into Harvard Medical School.

About a year after my surgery, I had a follow-up to discuss testing on the stability of my remaining tube & to see if it was or would ever function properly despite the exterior damage. I was shocked that during the ultrasound, we discovered I was pregnant (despite me being on birth control pills). My doctor was ecstatic & claimed that this was a miracle that may never happen again. I gave up Harvard & figured that I would devote every single moment to my 'miracle', thinking it would never happen again.

Further testing after I gave birth raised even more questions because the remaining tube was far from stable & 'medically' should not be functional. The chances of another 'natural' occuring pregnancy were lowered to <2%.

Well, 7 live children later & now currently expecting, those same supportive & ecstatic doctors keep inquiring as to whether or not I'm done. Althoug I love those doctors because they've been there since this whole ordeal started 15 years ago, EVERY single OB appointment is dreaded because of the 'are you done yet' questions & the whole 'you should really appreciate what you have... you don't know how lucky you are' type of comments.

So now my husband is becoming increasingly annoyed & I am too. We wonder if we should just 'settle' & 'give in' to the doctors requests or find new doctors.... I have to partially agree with them because of my history with c-sections, but I just fear, like you, my heart will ache & I will resent my decision later.
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May 3rd, 2013, 09:23 AM
RinkMom's Avatar Super Hockey Mom
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,524
Lurking here because i check in every now and again.

I kind of know how you feel. I always wanted a big family as well. We were well on our way with 3 when I lost #4 at 16 weeks. Luckily, I got pregnant soon after and had my youngest. We tried again and lost the next two in the second trimester.

Two high risk OBs told me to stop -- I was almost 39 at the time and my age was to blame. I have been mourning the loss of my babies and my chance at a big family since. I still have all of my baby stuff hoping for a miracle.

My youngest started school full days this past September and it was really tough on me (I am a SAHM). My DH is also of the 'we have moved into a new phase in our lives'.
*********Formerly Soon2B5*********
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May 6th, 2013, 07:59 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Andrews AFB, MD
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It must be easier for the daddies to move on to the "next stage." That is where my dh is as well. He is thinking of all the things we will be able to do now that our kids are getting older. That is nice, but I am pretty sad about the baby years being behind us too. My youngest is almost three, and to me that is the line between baby and just another kiddo. No more diapers, sippy cups, binkies...so on. They just grow up fast... Sometimes I think we will have more, but right now I am thinking probably not. Either way I do think it is important to appreciate what you already have. Even if you (or I) have more kids you can't ever get back the time with THESE kids being the ages they are now. Very special years....
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May 10th, 2013, 04:55 PM
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 54
I can understand. When I was really young I told my dad I was going to have 12 babies. When he poo-poo'd the idea, I said 10, then 8, then 6 going down by 2 increments until I reached 4. That was my stopping point. Well, my story in a little more detail is in the Pregnant over 35 thread, but suffice it to say it's miraculous that we've had babies. Well, "we" being the operative term. You see, that was with my ex. And we were both deamed medically infertile. So, I am definitely happy with my wonderful kiddos.

When I got pregnant with number 5 with new hubby, who is 46, it was weird. He has two kids aged 20 and 19, and frankly we thought we were done. I'm 40 myself. Initially when I had #4, I thought I was done. It just felt like considering I was heading to divorce, and who would want to marry someone with 4 kids, I just accepted it. I got what I wanted - 4 kids, right?

I've had csections for each. It's not always healthy to do that. I also don't appreciate the way people treat larger families or their parents. When you're young or first married or finally having your first, maybe your second, people are fairly supportive. Congratulations and support abound. When you are over 40 and have several, the support is almost non-existent. It's bizarre.

It does take two to raise a child, not just become pregnant. I am sure your dh is trying to guide you toward that next phase, without being obscene about his concerns. It's scary to consider supporting all those kids, and their needs, surprise needs, medical issues, food, shelter, clothing....no matter how organized you are, surprise expenses come up all the time.

Maybe looking at it from a different perspective would help?

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