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Forum: Large Families


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  • 1 Post By MIL2lissy8
  • 4 Post By Farmers-wife
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November 30th, 2013, 11:09 AM
4 Boys & 4 Girls !
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,729
So DS3 (#3) is still in Saudi Arabia. He is completing his last year of high school. I have always believed that he was very content and settled being there without us. Brief history, we have lived in 3 different countries for basically the last 7 yrs. So it made sense to keep him in one place to study because high school would be very hard to start and stop so drastically.

I NEVER got any other impression from him that he was anxious or unsettled. However, when I spoke to him recently I understood from his way of talking that he cant wait to actually come to the states and do his uni here.

It wasnt until now that I suddenly felt sad that he has been away ( we of course have been there with him during these past years and he came and stayed the summers in UK with us ) and am worried that he kept his feelings silent. Im not for sure on my thinking but he was our baby for a huge amount of time in between him and #4.

Was I wrong in my belief or do I talk directly about my feeling to him? ( that I now think he has regrets about being apart ) What do you think your family would have done in the same situation? am I overthinking this?

Sorry for rambling and thanks for letting me get this off my chest!
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November 30th, 2013, 11:26 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southern cali
Posts: 3,549
i would talk with him. personally, i can't imagine being separated from my kids when they were younger (oh but i wished it sometimes, believe me).
AmiraX4 likes this.
what goes around, comes around.....
speak with kindness....

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November 30th, 2013, 12:07 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,406
I think your reasons for him staying are good and valid. But your feelings are also valid. I would talk to him and if he wants to come now, do it. Let him know you miss him and he is still an important part of your family.

Personally, I wouldn't choose to leave a kid, but I can see how there are very real good reasons for doing it. I have at least two friends who have done similar things, but not as far. It seemed like the right thing and everyone is fine. Except the mommies. They are always second guessing themselves.

You will know the best thing to do.
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November 30th, 2013, 01:45 PM
4 Boys & 4 Girls !
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,729
Thank you !
Fw you really said it right when mommies do sometimes second guess. Dh and I 'chose' to keep him stable for schooling. I want to add that he is comfy with family and not just abandoned alone. So, in that I find comfort. Also my 2 oldest sons did the same while we were living here in the states many many years ago. They were much younger at the time and because of the guilt/sadness and just missing them, we brought them back and forth about 4-5 different times while they were in 1st-6th grade.

They did and still tell us they loved it. ALthough it was confusing/challenging to readjust ( not sure of the right word to use ) and that they wouldnt change that at all.

I want to justify it all by saying it for his education. His future and that Im not making a temporary selfish decision to keep him with us and thus mess up his future. and by that I mean by moving and uprooting him would only making a mess of his study and future. Does that even make sense? uuggg Having him so far away is hard.
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November 30th, 2013, 02:18 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,406
It completely makes sense in high school. The 1-6 th grades would be much better for all the bouncing around.
MIL2lissy8 and AmiraX4 like this.
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December 4th, 2013, 04:21 PM
HalfDozen's Avatar Formerly Number5OnTheWay
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,596
We let our oldest 3 live with my in-laws for 1 year when we were in the process of moving from WI to MA, and my husband only had a studio apartment in MA. It was the most AWFUL thing I have ever done so I understand how you are second guessing yourself. I was flying back home every other weekend, and hubby will be the first to tell you that I was not a nice person to be around that year. Perhaps selfish, but I don't do well separated from my kids like that. They did fine, but weren't totally crazy about the arrangement, either, but they seemed to understand. I have never stopped second guessing the decision!
Mommy to Jasmine (18), Kirsten (14), Ana (13), Katie (3), Xavier (1), and Gunnar (born 10-15-14)

New picture in progress......
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