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Forum: Large Families


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  • 7 Post By mom2many2010
  • 2 Post By Farmers-wife

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April 7th, 2014, 12:16 PM
kazarmo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,354
So to reintroduce myself because it's been a couple of years since I've posted anywhere on JM.

This whole thing is a rant and hopefully when I get done I will feel better. I'm sorry for what I type but I'm just tired of a lot of things.

I have a 17 year old, then 2 stepdaughters, 14 and 11. The 11 year old has some serious emotional/behavioral issues. Nothing that has been done for her the past few years has helped. Extensive counseling with a 3 week in house program. Plus she sees a neurologist. Plus other tests have been done with no real answers other then her behavior gets worse.
She sees 2 counselors a week plus the counselor at school. She is on meds etc etc etc.

Then I have a 2 year old and 1 year old with my husband.

Here's where I need advice. My husband and I are super stressed with these kids. The 11 year old in all honestly causes the most stress.

Constant meetings with the school, constant medical and counseling appts. Me having to step in and help get her from school when she has threatening behavior.
I do not like being put in this position that I have to drop everything that I am doing to go and get her, calm her etc. I only have to do this on certain days here and there but still it sucks.
My husband works far away and can't just drop what he is doing. He will leave but like I said he can't get to the school as quickly as they want him there so I have to go. I HATE THIS!

The 11 year old doesn't listen to me and it only makes my stress so much worse. Plus then my 2 year old and 1 year old witness her behavior. Even if I just send her to room she still will scream and kick walls, throw stuff etc.

Then my 2 year old has constant tantrums. She was just accepted into Early On program. We have our first official meeting next week.
Then my 1 year old is teething and not sleeping. Plus she started throwing little fits her and there. Isn't it super early for that, she just turned 1 the end of March.

My 17 year old and my hubby got into an argument last night. I was tied up trying to attend to a poopy diaper so I couldn't interject and diffuse the situation. It was over something so stupid too. They normally don't fight but my husband was on edge.

Plus we don't' have enough rooms in this house for everyone to sleep. So the 1 year old has to sleep with us in a pack n play in our room when my step-kids are here. I can't sleep when I'm on edge and she is making noises or tossing and turning. Plus the husband snoring.

I'm just so done with all of this and want to run away.

I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck because my husband agreed when he divorced his ex that he would give her 1203 a month in child support. YEAH you read that right, 1203. When in reality he should only be paying max of 800 or less.
Plus we pay all medical bills for the kids and with the 11 year old having issues after issue that just never ends and has been that way for years-- it's a constant outflow of money.

Just tell me it gets better.

dd15 born weighing 6 pds 2 ounces, 19 inches. 12-3-96
dd9 months born weighing 6 pds 5 ounces, 19 1/2 inches. 12-22-2011
Expecting baby #3 ANOTHER GIRL!!!!!!! woot woot

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April 7th, 2014, 03:03 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southern cali
Posts: 3,549
i need to get my g-son from school but i promise to write a response to you later today!! just hang in there!
what goes around, comes around.....
speak with kindness....

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April 7th, 2014, 08:25 PM
Mom to 8 amazing kids
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melba, Idaho
Posts: 2,672
Please understand that what I'm about to say is not meant to be hurtful.

Ok, here goes.

You Married a man with children. You married him knowing he had them, and that he had a responsibility to them. You had more children with him, knowing that money was gonna be tight.

I am also hearing a lot of blame being laid at the feet of an 11 year old. The truth is that she could be your child, and what would you do if it was? Everything that you are doing is part of being a mom. Yes, you are not her mom, but you're husband is her father. You are her step-mom, that's an important role. Once again you married him knowing that her and her sibling existed.

I know how hard it is. My oldest is special needs and bi-polar with delusional tendencies. It is trying and hard, and there are days where you just want to give up and run away. Here's the thing: you don't get to. If those in their lives did that who would fight for them, who would care for them? She is a child, she would not pick to be different. It's just the way it is.

Okay, no more scolding. When do you get anytime to yourself? Time where you can just decompress? Time to be you and not mom/step-mom?

Maybe it's time to figure out how to do that. Even if it's just an hour a week. Trust me that hour is all it will take to recharge your batteries.

Lastly, huge, huge hugs!
#5in2005, clouise, ~mommy~ and 4 others like this.
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April 7th, 2014, 09:54 PM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,406
M2M that was a beautiful response. I'm impressed!

I don't have anything to add but to say you can't give up. You can't run away. We moms are the last defense. She is already going to have issues because her bio parents couldn't stick it out, no matter the reason. You are there now to show perseverance, dedication, love. Your two littles need that, too. They deserve an intact family.

Also, get the two littles under control. 1 is not too young for fits. My #2 had them at 8 mos. having them reigned in will make dealing with the 11yo easier. And you don't need to step in between your 17yo and your husband. They have yo work out their own relationship.

I guess I did have stuff to add. Best wishes and check in with us to let us know how things are going. And to vent. We all have to. I did my share on the I am 2 thread today.
clouise and Armychic32 like this.
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April 8th, 2014, 12:21 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Andrews AFB, MD
Posts: 15,496
I don't have much to add on top of what the others said.

Sometimes you just have to put one foot in front of the other...

Try to take some time for yourself....just a little. Ask dh or your oldest to watch the littles while you go out for a brisk walk or drink a cup of coffee in peace.

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