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  • 1 Post By #5in2005

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August 8th, 2014, 11:08 AM
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 232
Do you guys have room for one more?

We have 3 kids, DD (6) DS (almost 5) and DD2 (21 months) and are currently in the 2WW for an "oops" but very welcome (at least by me, haha!) #4.

We always agreed we'd get to 3 and then discuss (when we met DH knew I wanted 5 kids, and I don't think he realized just how serious I was!). He's been pretty done since our youngest was born, and I was trying to be at least on the fence about it, because our family already thought we were insane to have a third, let alone want more.

Now that there's a possibility there's a fourth though, I realize that I really do want another one. If this doesn't turn out right now, we'll probably wait a few months to time it better, as I run a home daycare and would love to be able to take some time off around Christmas, so a late-fall/early-winter baby would be best. DH would be fine if it happened now, but I don't know how he'll honestly feel about trying for another one on purpose.

Most of his reasons are practical, typical-guy reasons: finances, he thinks we need a bigger house, he thinks we'd need a bigger vehicle even though we already have a mini-van, and mostly, he cares WAY too much about what our families would say. The were NOT thrilled about #3, though they love her now that she's here, and I've been saying ever since that we were done until she is in school at least. I really don't want to wait that long now though, and DH wouldn't handle their criticism well no matter how old our youngest was.

Anyone have any wonderful lines to make him forget about what family thinks? I'm ready to jump in with both feet, and I know he's kind of got one foot on each side right now. I also know that if he would just factor in his OWN feelings, and not the feelings of everyone else around us, he'd be right with me.

Thanks for listening!
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August 8th, 2014, 04:10 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southern cali
Posts: 3,549
wishing you to get the positive that you so want...then come hang out with us. we are fun!
what goes around, comes around.....
speak with kindness....

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August 11th, 2014, 12:57 PM
Loving My Piglets
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: England, UK
Posts: 34,596
welcome and fingers crossed for you
..together for 12 years..

R (10) 24.04.06 - our little angel
R (9) 07.06.07
L (8) 05.06.08
L (6) 26.04.10
C (3) 15.02.13

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August 11th, 2014, 04:52 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,385
One of our motto's in here is "there's always room for 1 more" The next one is "ignore what other people say about your family size" because between all of us, I think we've heard it all.

Anyways, welcome, and hope you'll be reporting a BFP soon.
HalfDozen likes this.
mom of 5 girls
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August 12th, 2014, 11:51 AM
Jenilope's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Western Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 13,688
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I hope you find a way to figure out why he is so worried about what others think and help him move past it.

I never really understand why so many families are so unwilling to welcome a new life (especially one they don't have to raise or pay for!!!)

Practically speaking, a minivan is plenty big for a family of 6 (It will fit all the carseats and is designed to fit 7, afterall! I drive an SUV with 4 kids 6 and under and have room for 1 more--it's paid off, I'm keeping it!)
Houses--kids and families don't need nearly as much space as we think they do now (or stuff!) They'll have plenty of time to sleep alone when they grow up and move out, if they want. While they're kids at home, sharing a room helps them bond and share, reduces the number of toys (in our house anyway!) and gives them someone besides you to snuggle up to if they get scared at night. What do they get out of their own rooms? Privacy? I don't really think my kids need nor benefit from that much privacy, and there are plenty of other opportunities to just be alone for a little while if they need that (my oldest does) but you don't need a whole room for that.
Finances can be a valid concern. If having a baby is going to make it hard or impossible to pay your bills, save or meet whatever other financial priorities you have, maybe reconsider. But, you can always make more money, there's a time limit on new babies. You also have to decide together what you really want to pay for with your kids. Here, it's ordinary for young children to be involved in paid for activities and travelling sports teams nearly every day of the week. Teenagers' parents buy them cars, and I think most of the kids expect to have college paid for. We do not happen to share those financial priorities and would rather our kids work for those things.

His concerns--bigger car, bigger house, money, the opinions of others--seem to have one thing in common: how the rest of the world sees him. And it's true, if a large family is out of the ordinary in your area, you'll get some comments. Some people will think you're strange, and some people will say so. I can't tell you how many inappropriate questions I've gotten about our religion, sex life/awareness of how reproduction works, and whether or not we're satisfied with the gender of our children. Thing is, beyond registering that it's rude, I don't really care. It's MY family, and what I think and feel about that size is more important than what anyone who doesn't sleep in my bed thinks.
That said, my husband and I have always agreed God will give us the children we're meant to have. After 4 pregnancies that ended up in high risk care, it gets scary to be open to more, but being open to babies is something that is really important to us.

I hope you both talk and get on the same page and have the outcome you're wishing for.
Mom to four beautiful girls
Matilda (6), Evelyn (5), Adelaide (3), Cecily (20 months)

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