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BTDT moms, how naive am I?

Forum: Moms and Expectant Moms of Multiples


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August 29th, 2013, 07:03 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3,604
I'm trying to image how life with twins will be. I've had two sets 16 months apart and I'm sure that there are some ways its harder and easier than twins. Twins will be a different dynamic, but I'm not quite getting it. My first baby was extremely high needs and took 24 hr care. To add to her personality she was injured at birth and in constant pain. Yrs of therapy later and she is better. My second nearly died from a placental abruption, and could only breathe if I was holding her. Anyone else holding her and she would turn blue. This lasted at least the first 6 months that we were in constant contact. My oldest wasn't walking, so I hauled two babies around the house. I had to shower with my DH holding my baby so I could keep a hand on her while I washed my hair. It was insane!

My next baby had textbook colic. In comparison to my first babies he was easy! My fourth just slipped in almost unnoticed in the family dynamic. He is developmentally normal with average needs.

So we have to wait and see what will happen, but if the twins are healthy and developmentally normal, what am I looking forward to? In the womb they don't seem bothered by noise and are pretty calm in their movements. My oldest showed her high needs personality strongly by this time. She would freak out if I was in a room with more than one person! It was impossible to try to explain that I couldn't attend a holiday party as my unborn child couldn't handle the stimulation!

I'm sure there will be the juggling of two infants needs, but it seems like it would be harder when they are mobile. The 10-18 month stage is usually hardest for me as a mom. My MIL is telling me stories of her friend who had twins and had her mom actually move in for 6 months to care for her children as she could only care for the needs of twins. Legally in a daycare one person can care for 4 infants right? I had my bffs baby for several hrs as a tiny one with my infant and things were fine. I had her two other young kids and it worked. It was just a few hrs, but they were both easy infants. How is this so hard that I keep being told that I need extra help and can't possibly do this on my own? I never had any help with the others! Yeah, if I have twins like my first two then I can see it, but if they are normal babies I'm not getting it! I'm an experienced mother. I can Homeschool 4 at the same time and juggle their needs. I have two older girls that are a ton of help! If I need an extra pair of hands I've got kids who are capable, legal and really love babies and want to help. My oldest will turn 12 shortly after the babies are born. Legally I could have her babysit, not that I would!

Sorry this is so long, but I'm just not getting it! I'm told I can't cloth diaper two, when I have all my others. I figure if I have a 3 day supply/rotation that it should be fine. I can easily add two more loads of laundry to my week. I've been told that I can't bf them when I have the others. It will be a learning experience to learn to feed them together, but it should be doable! I always over produce milk and I'm not worried about supply issues. I keep being told that I won't be able to care for my other kids as the twins will take up every second of my time. Is my life now over for the next few yrs? I'm getting stressed out and confused. Of course everyone giving me this advice doesn't have twins, but knows someone who had their life "ruined" for yrs by having twins! I figured it would be a new juggling experience, but I thought it would be fun to see two at once grow and develop. I think twins for your first would be difficult, but I know how to raise very difficult babies. My MIL is telling me most of these stories and I think she's trying to help. She wants to "help" as twins will make me disabled apparently. We don't agree on parenting styles and she is just so different from me personality wise that I think it would be far more stressful to have her in my home then it would help. She wants to step in and take over my house, but I think I'll have to do things her way. I'd be happy to have her take my kids to the museum that we have a membership to for the afternoon so I can catch a nap with the babies, but to school the kids seems too stressful. I made the kids work all summer so they could have a long vacation when the babies come. I keep thanking her for the offer and I tell her that we will see what our needs are after the babies are born. If they are in the NICU then I'll need help for my kids for sure. MIL offered to help with my third, but then SIL had an emergency csection early just 3 days after me so I told her to take care of her dd's family and I honestly didn't need help. I can see needing help if I have a csection though. I haven't had one before.
Laura, homeschooling mama to Christine 1-02, Nicole 5-03, Everett 4-09, Alister 9-10, Moira and Giselle born October 24, 2013!

Last edited by LABs; August 30th, 2013 at 03:37 AM.
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August 31st, 2013, 12:09 PM
Celry's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: WI
Posts: 12,946
My two were very challenging. They had no health issues, but were 3 weeks early and were really bad at BFing. I had to BF for a short time, pump, and bottle feed with pumped milk for the first couple months. Then they caught on and BFing was a breeze. I started tandem feeding as soon as I could to help with the time. I barely slept between pumping and having two colicky infants who never slept. I would hallucinate during the day from lack of sleep. I was sleeping in 10 to 15 minute increments for months. My parents offered help and I accepted it. They did more around the house than with the kids. I don't know how I would have done it with older kids. I know other people who have twins that do just fine BFing, who aren't colicky, can be put down, and life really isn't that difficult. Having 2 close togther is nothing like having twins though. There is nothing that can prepare you for that. Hopefully your two are chill and easy.
I cloth diapered mine. I don't find it hard to do diaper laundry. I think it's easier than other laundry. I don't have to fold CDers and didn't use pocket ones.

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Dec 26 '08, BFP after 21 months thanks to acupuncture
Jan 14 '09, first u/s one strong heart beat
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