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A Tough Topic

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November 14th, 2008, 04:47 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 555
I have friends who are so in love with their new mommy lives. And I have a great friend who unfortunately lost her son last year. And friends who want nothing more than to have a baby, any baby. So, I feel I have no one to bring this up to. I would not trade Jack for ANYTHING in the world. I love Jack, whomever he is, to pieces. And I know that any mommy who has lost a child, or any would-be mommy who wants a child would want nothing more than to have their baby, on any terms. So, how do you address the disappointment? What I mean personally, is that I had hoped to nurse, to have a generally happy baby, hoped to have a baby with whom I could do more bonding and less medical management, a baby that could eat and be content and grow and be happy. I am not complaining. Jack has happy periods and I savor those. But there is a large part of me that feels like it is mourning the loss of a dream. I have thought that maybe I have PPD (and I will keep watching for it), but I think it's really more a reality for the situation that we are in. Our babies have different needs. And for me, there is a level of sadness that those needs often take up so much time that I feel like the things that I dreamed of doing with my baby are lost in the day to day fighting giving medicine 4 times a day, making sure he eats enough, soothing the crying and many, many doctors appts leave me exhausted and disappointed. Have any of you felt this? How do you cope?
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November 15th, 2008, 10:05 AM
stacyp's Avatar Mommy to Andrew & Luke
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: OHIO
Posts: 17,229
First of all, ((HUGS)). I still cry about everything that has happened. I totally understand what you are going through. One thing the genetic counselor said to us was that it's okay to mourn the fact that you did not get a healthy baby. It's human nature to be upset. And it's not that you don't love them or regret the fact that they are here. It's because you feel badly for everything that have to endure & it does put a strain on time & family. Once that was said to me, I felt better about the feelings I was feeling. It knocks the breath right out of you & sometimes I feel like i still can't catch it. But I do feel truly blessed to have such an amazing little man with such a sparkle in his eye & an amazing story to tell when he's older. He gives me my strength as I'm sure Jack gives you yours.

As the feeding situation goes, hopefully it's going to improve as the reflux gets better. We were in the same boat. And, once they repaired his heart defects, it helped too. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel free to PM me ANYTIME you need to talk. ((HUGS))

Thanks Yvonne (Jaidynsmum) for my beautiful siggy!

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November 15th, 2008, 04:20 PM
MellieB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Melbourne, Aust.
Posts: 64,110
Personally I think a good part of it comes from grief. I know I felt grief that the child we had planned was NOT the child we planned if that makes sense.

Thanks to Claire1979 for the amazing siggy.

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