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Questions regarding DH and subsequent pregnancies

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June 28th, 2009, 04:28 PM
SimplyJenalee's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 789
Hey Ladies-

Here is my situation. My DH is very unattached to this pregnancy. He is scared to get attached because he doesn't want to get hurt again. I am having a very hard time with his not wanting to talk to me about this baby. Our relationship is fine, and he goes to my appointments with me and everything, but I am not able to talk to him about what im feeling because he shuts down. Thankfully I have a great support system of friends and my mom that have really let me lean on them when I am worried or anxious. Whenever I start to worry and let my negative side take over...he just says stop worrying, thats like asking for something to happen. Its so hard. I have now just stopped talking to him about this baby. We constantly talk about Alyssa still though...I think its just him fearing that he doesn't want to get attached just in case something happens...but even if...GOD FORBID...something does happen he will be attached either way ya know?

Ugh Men....Did any of you guys go through this with your subsequent pregnancies with your man?

Let me clarify...its not that he doesn't care...I know he does. I just think he is scared to care...he is just scared period. Also, in the beginning he was super excited about it...but then slowly started just backed away from talking about this baby.
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June 28th, 2009, 09:57 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,304
My dh was more involved with my subsequent pregnancy then with Jake's. I tried not to get attached to Owen when I was pregnant with him and i thought it worked until I was 19 weeks and had a scare and realized how attached I already was. I am sorry he is doing that since you need him to talk about the pregnancy in a positive way, not to imply he talks negatively but just not talking can be hard when you want your dh to reassure you things will work out this time, kwim? My dh would tell me not to be negative, because i worried about absolutely everything with the sub pregnancies. He definitely became more involved when he could feel the movement though. Hopefully as the pregnancy progresses he will open up and talk to you about the new baby. It should be a time of only joy and not fear and worry. I would keep bringing the pregnancy up or mention he doesn't talk about it much to find out how he is coping but I am pretty blunt with my dh.
It is really late here so I hope i made some sense

Owen, Avery, Samantha and forever missing Jake born still 08/01/99.

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June 29th, 2009, 07:11 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
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i dont think lee let himself think about it unless i said anything, he was too scared as he knew i was it went by in a blur to be truthful.

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June 29th, 2009, 09:54 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
Matt has been a lot like that with both my subsequent pregnancies, but more so with Erin. I think it was him being scared and wanting to "protect" himself. He's not abnormal honey, I think it's fairly common.

It IS hard to deal with sometimes though!
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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June 29th, 2009, 10:05 AM
grlpisces's Avatar Dynamite w/ a laser beam
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 32.918289,-97.272266
Posts: 1,758
I admit that I am the one who is afraid to get attached to this pregnancy, afraid to talk much about it, afraid to say "when this baby comes" or "after we have this baby..." I just can't see that far ahead.

I try. I really try to be optimistic, but it's SO HARD to do that. I have not even told my boss yet nor any of my co-workers (except two of them, who I consider friends), and I sort of put my parents in charge of spreading the news to all my other family members who live near them (we're 1700 miles away from any of our family). I just can't bring myself to have that "safe" pregnancy because the last time I thought I was having a "safe" pregnancy, my son died

Thank you to Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggie!

I'm Barb, Mom to Angel on Earth Julia Rose (7*22*08), her twin brother Angel in Heaven Noah (7*22*08), and rainbow baby Sydney Noelle (12*4*09).

*a special 'thank you' to all the blinkie creators for their talents*
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June 29th, 2009, 02:43 PM
SimplyJenalee's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 789
Thanks everyone. I am glad to know that other DH's have reacted the same way. I don't want to push him a lot about it...but I am going to think of different ways to talk about it. We shall see.
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