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Struggling with the nursery

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September 6th, 2009, 05:48 PM
SimplyJenalee's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 789
Hey Ladies-

First off...sorry I haven't been around too much to post. Don't get on the computer too often and can't update from my phone.

We have started on Tessa's nursery. It was fine in the beginning with the wall decor, and even getting the crib together...but now I am starting to unpack everything that I had bought or received for Alyssa. It is emotionally so hard. Don't get me wrong...I am super happy to be having another girl...and if Alyssa didn't die and I was pregnant with another girl I would be reusing the stuff anyway so I shouldn't be taking this so hard but I am. I remember with Alyssa I just wanted the room together and set up quickly, but with Tess I feel like im stalling a lot....I know I have to get it together but part of me is sooooooooooooo scared of having to pack everything back up. I don't know if deep down this is why its taking me so long or what.

Just a little vent I guess
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September 6th, 2009, 09:30 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 982
I know you're probably sick of hearing this but...don't beat yourself up over your feelings. You can't help how you feel and with each new day there is no way to predict how you will feel about something. It is good that you are starting now, I think, because you are giving yourself time to grieve again...there will be at least a part of you that grieve's for Alyssa probably in every event or milestone you hit forever...knowing that you are giving yourself plenty of time to get through this milestone of unpacking everything so when your Tessa comes, you can celebrate that she is using everything. Dh has said this to me about Joey's things....

...Using all of the things that were bought and given to Alyssa allows her to truly be a big sister. She is passing on her things to her little sister. If you tossed it all and got all new stuff it would be like ignoring the fact that Tessa has a big sister to hand some things down to her. I think that My next baby will never be able to wear Joey's halloween costume or sports uniform as a hand-me-down...but at least we can pass on all the baby things so that Joey is still very much part of his little brother or sister.
Married to my best friend Tom since 2004 (together since 1999)
Mommy to two little boys:
Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010

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September 6th, 2009, 09:41 PM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: United States
Posts: 20,689
If it is too hard, then wait. Just take out the stuff you need right away. A lot of baby stuff really isn't a necessity anyway.

Get the crib or bassinet ready, maybe a few outfits and bottles, etc if you are goig to use them. Then after Tess is born you can do the rest.

With my living children I always waited until the baby was home to finish everything besides the essentials. Mine was because I work 40+ hours a week and didn't have the time or energy...lol

When they persisted in questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let the person among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7
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September 7th, 2009, 03:32 AM
grlpisces's Avatar Dynamite w/ a laser beam
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 32.918289,-97.272266
Posts: 1,758
Jen, I think what you are feeling is normal. Heck, you're doing a lot better than I am; you've got her name picked out already while Nate and I are STILL calling our new arrival "Pipsqueak" (LOL). We haven't done a thing to her nursery, which is going to be the room that was supposed to be Noah's room --- where we had already set up the furniture, crib, and decor and then had to take it all down

I think it's OK to stall knowing our situations. But that doesn't mean Tessa's arrival will be any less celebrated nor special. At times I feel the same way as you and guess that's why we haven't done anything yet for Pipsqueak's arrival.

Keep the thoughts positive, like everyone keeps telling me to do

Thank you to Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggie!

I'm Barb, Mom to Angel on Earth Julia Rose (7*22*08), her twin brother Angel in Heaven Noah (7*22*08), and rainbow baby Sydney Noelle (12*4*09).

*a special 'thank you' to all the blinkie creators for their talents*
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September 7th, 2009, 07:21 AM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,192
I'm sure a big part of it is that Alyssa never got to use any of her things and you probably feel like you are betraying her in a sort of way. Because that is how I was feeling when I was preparing myself in case Vera was a boy. And I'm sure you know it's totally normal for us. But it is nice that her little sister will get to put her things to use.

If I were you I'd be scared to unpack it all too. We got the nursery almost completely done during my second trimester but then again...it was a different gender and we also had not had the room set up for Roald, we just had his stuff in there.

I think it's a good idea to get most of your grief out about this over the next 10 weeks...that way after you bring Tessa home it will be one less thing to do and one less thing to bawl your eyes out over. But really it's up to you. I'm sure there are going to be many things like this that make you cry once she is here too....Unfortunately I guess these are the things we have to live with now.

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