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February 1st, 2010, 08:24 PM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 11,772
After Ella died the first few weeks I would go threw in my head the "what ifs" about what it was that killed her....Was it my hot showers, carrying laundry baskets up and down the stairs, all the pain meds I was on, my morning sickness pills I was still taking, tylenol or all the meds combined, sleeping on my stomach still etc etc....Well now i'm too scared to do anything since I don't know what it was...I'm too scared to take tylenol for my headaches, i'm too scared to take showers that are too hot (even though I need to because i'm cold all the time from having no thyroid), i'm too scared to now take some pills I have left over for my morning sickness....I could go on all night about what i'm too scared to do...Will it be like this for the whole pregnancy? I mean I even start to panic even if I don't think I drank enough water...I stopped drinking coffee and i've been careful about what I eat...I hope the fear eases up at some point in my pregnancy.
Forever Missing My Baby Girl Ella Grace
Born Sleeping October 14, 2009

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February 1st, 2010, 08:33 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
Posts: 4,037
Well I can't tell you what will happen for you, unfortunately, but I can tell you how it's gone for me. I was really quite terrified of everything for the first 13-14 weeks. After that the fears really eased up a lot and I've relaxed significantly. But that first trimester was really, really hard.

2 IVF babies and 1 surprise!
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February 1st, 2010, 09:04 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
For me it was like that for the first trimester, and then it got worse again as I neared my loss point. 33 weeks and past is terrible for me. But 13-32 weeks is okay.

You'll survive. I promise.
Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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February 2nd, 2010, 12:13 AM
Proud Momma
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,781
Oh I did this too. I thought maybe it was the half can of tuna I ate very early in my pregnancy that caused Katrina's brain problem. I started to believe that our downstairs bathroom had a "weird" smell and maybe there was mold that I breathed in. I thought it was because I missed a couple of days of my prenatals. I thought that I had breathed in some sort of chemical in the air or something. Was it because I worried so much. And the list goes on and on.

We just know why Katrina didn't make it, but we'll never know what caused it. The Dr's firmly believe that it was just a "one off" and it was just because her ventricles in her brain just did their own thing and just kept getting bigger, resulting in making no room for her brain to grow. But I have always tried to find some way to blame myself.

For me, I wasn't really nervous for the first 3 months with baby here. It wasn't until a few weeks before our detailed u/s came around that I got SO nervous because obviously I was super nervous that they would tell us the same thing or something different was wrong. Once I knew she's healthy and doing well, I was able to ease up a LOT. It wasn't until just recently that I've been starting to freak out again over everything. I think it's because I've never been this far in a pregnancy before, so everything is so new to me and I don't know what's considered "normal" or not and also because we're SO close to bringing her home, yet it still seems so far and I swear time has just slowed down.

I think once you pass the loss point it'll probably be a bit easier on you. It won't be easy, but just easier.

Last edited by LaLaLa1; February 2nd, 2010 at 12:15 AM.
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February 2nd, 2010, 08:42 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 1,760
I think for me it's the opposite. For now , I'm ok and relaxed. During my first and second trimester with Eric, all of the ultrasounds and tests indicated only the good things, he was growing right on schedule and he was healthy. A few times towards late in pregnancy my urine tests showed more sugar, but then my glucose test was fine. So maybe this time around I will eat less sweets, less juice, etc. I don't think it was prenatals that I didn't take regularly, I know plenty of women who don't take them at all and their babies are fine. So I'm pretty sure everything was fine with Eric during 1st and 2nd trimester , and something went terribly wrong close to the due date. I wish I knew what it was. But I know when I get to my third trimester, I'll be a nervous wreck and will be questioning everything like you do now. The doctor thinks it was just an accident, but I have theories of my own. May be it was the trip to the mountains 3 weeks before my due date, maybe it was the food I ate at the country fair 4 days before he died. Maybe it's the housework that I kept on doing late in pregnancy. Maybe it's my garden work that I kept on doing in June and July. I'm definately staying away from all of that this time around. And I'm definately not looking forward to the last month of pregnancy.

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February 4th, 2010, 09:16 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Edmonton, AB
Posts: 998
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I know for me until i bring home a baby i will worry.
Our son was healthy the whole pregnancy. He died during labour. So for me there is no safe point. wish the best for your pregnancy

Thank you so much for the awesome siggie Claire
Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our lives will be fuller
Because we shared your moment
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