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Issues with sister's temper, bed time issues, etc

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June 1st, 2013, 05:13 PM
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1
I am new to this site, and I am not a mother, but I am concerned about my sister, who I live with. Our relationship is hot and cold, I have tried very hard to get along with her and to stay civil for the sake of my neice and nephew, who are 8 and 4. It is known and witnessed by me, my parents, and her ex husband, that she is basically, a bully, and short-tempered and she has only gotten slightly better after I confronted her on some stuff. She works from home, has ALOT of spare time and it has also been known she wastes alot of time during the day. She's also a huge hypocrite about alot of stuff that I wont go into detail on here. We don't have the same relationship as we used to when we were younger and I miss that. She is basically the evil sister. Keep in mind, I am living with her because my father is concerned, and for the sake of the kids. Plus I got tired of my condo and I am making some money renting it out, and I love my niece and nephew. I don't have children, not really by choice but thats another story. We just moved into a new house my sister bought- she is newly divorced and we were living in a rental for the last year since she seperated from her husband and I moved in with her to help with finances, the kids, etc. It was rough at first, MAJOR bed time issues and I think the kids feel abandonded and they refuse to sleep alone. My 8 yr old niece was going to counseling for the divorce every other week, and I do not even know if she is still going. I dont ask my sister anymore, she gets snappy at almost everything I ask her. But will ask her ex when I see him next. We are on decent terms, and he knows my sister is a bully and is hot tempered. But my niece is afraid to sleep alone, insists there are monsters, etc so her and my nephew were sleeping together at the rental property. Of course she rubs off on her brother, and she still needs constant reassurance that we are there, no one will hurt her, she is on some medicine for ADD or ADHD, something, some melatonin at night, and her and her brother dont get TV past 6 30, they're supposed to read, calm down, and not get all worked up before bedtime. They're on a routine, and right now my sister is letting them sleep together since the battles will go on ALL night and my niece will not sleep alone. Sometimes the kids sleep with my sister but this is a bad habit and she does not want this to happen alot. The father also has issues with the kids getting up to sleep with him, but I don't think the issues are as bad at his house. That is also the house they were born in and spent alot of time in, so maybe it's different when they're there, I dont know. I know their father is alot more disciplined and stricter with the kids, and they probably don't get away with alot of this at his house. We've been in the new house for less than a week, and my sister allowed the kids to sleep with her for the first few nights until they get used to it. But last night, my niece had a couple of friends sleep over in her room, and she still didnt want to sleep in there. She wanted to sleep with my sister. My sister made her stay in her bed with her friend, and she sat in there for a bit hoping she'd fall asleep and she laid awake until after 11, continuing to ask my sister if she could sleep with her. She told my niece everytime she gets up, everytime she talks, shes going to bed a half hr earlier the next evening and she has been implementing this for the past 4,5 months and things have only improved slightly. I heard my sister yelling at my niece last night, so I went upstairs to see what was going on and my sister replied 'Same old fu******* with *****, will not go to fu**** bed as usual" and this is how she talks some of the time, in front of the kids. My sister gets stressed very easily, we all know that. She also sweats the small stuff and gets worked up over almost everything. Last night I said something about not swearing and getting some advice and her typical response to me is I dont know anything, I don;t have kids, etc. She yells at her kids ALOT at night time, and my nephew throws awful tantrums and seems to have anger issues, and alot of it, he sees my sister act a certain way and he thinks it's ok. One of the little girls that was over last night commented that my nephew has anger issues. Not sure if that makes sense talking about a 4 yr old. Can 4 yr olds have anger problems? My sister wanted kids for so long and when she finally met her husband at around 30, she had them. Half of the stuff that comes out of her mouth is negative, towards me and some of it, towards the kids, and I dont think her friends see this side of her. She is good at being very nice when she needs to but when she is home, she is toxic, negative, ******, and in my opinion, she is depressed w/anger issues. Yes I have bad anxiety and take meds for it, and I see a medical professional when I need to. My sister was on medication but has excuses that what she was on wasn't working. And now that she is officially divorced, she has no benefits and she didnt bother doing much when she had benefits so, she claims she is trying to get a private policy but she cant be on anything, which doesnt make sense but she knows everything. She is wrong with some of ways she deals with the kids, that I know. She gets into tumultous battles, yelling and screaming with the kids, mainly at bed time. I dont want to say anything to her ex that would get her in trouble (atleast not while I'm living there) but I don't know what to do. I work ALOT during the week and can't do anything when I'm gone AND when I get home, I'm tired and as usual, my sister is grouchy and short. She is very lucky to work from home and doesnt have to deal with day care and she takes alot of stuff for granted. She picks on me a little, though she has gotten a little better, and her ex-husband and my dad see this. She has a mean-spirited, ominous side to her, knows everything. I know most of you are going to tell me to move out- but things have gotten a little better with her and I want to work things out, I want her to WAKE UP and know that it's not just everyone else, it's her too. What do any of you think about her swearing at her kids and talking down to them? How do we get my neice to learn to love her room, to sleep by herself and to NOT continuously get up? This new house has big rooms, these kids both have a bathroom they can share, and their rooms are very good size. My neice has dreamlight pillows, she has wall decorations, night lights, we've done everything. And then when she's scared, her brother is scared and now there's both of them annoying my sister and making her yell, etc. I know my sister has posted on a couple of message boards (hopefully not this one) and got some advice from a counselor and another mother on bedtime issues, but I dont think she is disclosing everything and won't admit to the loud swearing or demeaning language. During school nights, no TV after 6 30, they're supposed to color, play games, read, basically relax and no sugar or junk food at night either. Once they go to bed, my sister sings songs with them, says prayers (their Dad is raising them Catholic) , but my sister tries to get out of their room at around 8 but they still yell for her, want to go potty every 15 mins,they get a little melatonin about 45 minutes before they go to bed, which supposedly the pediatrician or specialist OK'd, and now that we're in a new house, the kids will not want to sleep in their rooms for a while and the terrors and night time drama is starting up again. Keep in mind I don't know anything (sarcasm) so you mommies out there can maybe give me some advice and what my sister and me can do. Thank you-
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June 9th, 2013, 05:32 PM
LJD3Tdance's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Eagle, Idaho
Posts: 60,398
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Have you thought about suggesting group therapy, like more than just therapy for your niece?

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