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  #1  
March 11th, 2006, 03:58 AM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The inspiration for this idea came tonight by my best friend. I will explain here in a minute. I was thinking it might be a good idea for abused women to be able to come together, whether it is current or past abuse.And it can be any type...emotional, physical or sexual abuse.

My best friend of 10 years has 7 kids. She has been with a man for the last year and a half. He is the father of her youngest child, who is 4 months old. Since she was pregnant with the baby, he has repeatedly put his hands on her. Tonight, he beat her up really bad and was arrested. She was scared of her children being taken away, even though we were working on getting him out. We were actually going down to the prosecutor's office on Monday morning to get a protection order for her. My DH, dad and next-door neighbor were going to load all of his stuff up later that night and have a deputy there when he got home. Well, now we don't need to worry about doing that.

I just think it is good for women to be able to connect that has had or is going through something like this. I was also sexually abused as a child by my mom's 2nd husband. It is something you never get over.

I am just thankful I can speak my mind to my DH and know I am not going to get hit for it.

Thanks for the consideration. Maybe someone can offer some advice for the next woman who feels like she can't get out of the situation but they did somehow.
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  #2  
March 11th, 2006, 08:42 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
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Sounds like a great idea ... big Hugs to your friend. Well done in being there for her!!!
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  #3  
March 11th, 2006, 12:06 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Sounds like a great idea ... big Hugs to your friend. Well done in being there for her!!![/b]
Thank you. I will tell her. She is going to be alright. She is REALLY bruised up right now. We are taking the baby for her tonight so she can get some rest. All the other kids are either going to friends houses or their fathers. She is just lucky he didn't kill her. She faked an asthma attack and he is the dumb idiot who called 911. Medics told her they were never so happy to go on a call that ended up being false. And all the while they are arresting him, he is INSISTING he never touched her.

BTW, he is DONE. He still has a pending DV case with her, the court date is on March 28th or 29th. The sheriff deputy told her there is no way he is getting out on bail before then. He was going through anger management classes but recently my friend found out she is not the first woman he abused.
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  #4  
March 13th, 2006, 02:19 PM
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i think that board is a great idea. It may be a slower board, but if it can help one or two ladies, then i think it will be totally worth it.
(((hugs))) to your friend, i hope everything works out ok for them.
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  #5  
March 13th, 2006, 03:57 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yes I don't expect it to be too busy....with the way most of these women talk about their DH's & B/F's, sounds like really solid relationships. But I am sure some of us have been there one time or another and can offer anyone who is going through it now a little advice.


UPDATE ON MY FRIEND:
He was arraigned (sp?) this morning. He has a $5000 bond (no 10%) but his family doesn't have that kind of cash & he is unemployed. So he is stuck there. They told her she didn't have to show up this morning but she did just in case.
He has another court date on the 24th of this month & my friend does have to be there. I am going for moral support, as she is scared.
He has been calling his SIL when my friend has been on the phone with her and the SIL has been relaying messages back & forth. He is calling her a "dumba**" because she faked a breathing problem. Yeah only because it got him arrested. He was also telling the SIL to tell my friend what to say, like he didn't do it, she was just drinking that night and wanted some atention....blah blah blah.

My DH, who is an EMT, said it was brilliant for her to do that she faked a breathing problem to get him off of her. The medics who actually came out said it also. I think they were just glad they didn't have to take her out in a bodybag.

Her kids are fine, they are just glad to see him gone. He never hit the kids and he never hit my friend in front of the kids but he did yell ALL THE TIME.

Thanks for the words of encouragement about her! She has been my best friend for over 10 years and there is nothing I wouldn't do for that woman, as I am sure she feels the same about me. Heck, I met her when I had just had my oldest & she was just about to deliver hers (they are 3 weeks apart).
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  #6  
March 13th, 2006, 07:59 PM
dkmommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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[quote] Yes I don't expect it to be too busy [quote]

well, i guess that is a blessing in sorts
i do think it would be helpful and is a great idea
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  #7  
March 13th, 2006, 08:04 PM
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I think thats a great idea. I would not be in there, but think it would be good to have for those that would need it and afraid to talk about it. I wonder though if it might need to be protected with asking first for access.
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  #8  
March 13th, 2006, 10:27 PM
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i think protecting the access of it is an excellent idea!
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  #9  
March 14th, 2006, 03:51 AM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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True, especially if someone has a S/O who is nosey of what their wife is doing on the 'net. She needs to know she is protected.

My DH isn't abusive but there was a time he would look to see what I was doing on the computer. Now he has total trust & faith in me. He had insecurity issues all his life b/c he was the "oddball" in his family but after 8 years of being together, he now knows I am not going to abandon him or anything.
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  #10  
March 14th, 2006, 05:53 PM
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Quote:
i think that board is a great idea. It may be a slower board, but if it can help one or two ladies, then i think it will be totally worth it.
(((hugs))) to your friend, i hope everything works out ok for them.[/b]
you'd be surprised that it just might not be a slow board.
There are so many persons that have been abused in some way or another but they don't speak about it unless they get a 'safe circle of friends' or a place where they can feel safe and secure, so hence most times they evade facing their past or speaking about it even though they suffer quietly craving persons to talk to who can relate to them.
I think its a great idea.

xxx Lisa xxx
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  #11  
March 25th, 2006, 06:48 PM
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Quote:
i think protecting the access of it is an excellent idea![/b]
I think its a great idea!

I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years before I got the courage to leave.
I know i didnt want to talk about it because I was afraid of people judging me and telling me I needed to leave him. But if you havent been in that situation then you cant understand what its like. I would be glad to listen and help anyone who's been there or is there now.
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  #12  
March 26th, 2006, 05:20 AM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Quote:
i think protecting the access of it is an excellent idea![/b]
I think its a great idea!

I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years before I got the courage to leave.
I know i didnt want to talk about it because I was afraid of people judging me and telling me I needed to leave him. But if you havent been in that situation then you cant understand what its like. I would be glad to listen and help anyone who's been there or is there now.
[/b]

I was in one for almost a year when I was in my teens. I got the courage to leave after my ex told me by the time my daughter was 2 years old, she would know what the belt was. Uh-uh, I don't think so.
I think a lot of us have BTDT sometime in their past, not all though. But certainly anyone who has been in that situation can offer advice on how they got out of their situation for another woman. I know I left mine when my ex was at a Super Bowl party.
I was also sexually abused as a child by my mom's second husband. And I just recently found out he is doing it to his new step-daughter. Charges were never pressed on him back then with us because of his status in the community.

But anyways, I would be more than happy to listen and offer advice also. I have also already found resources for abuse victims. I had to find these things for my friend since she doesn't have internet access.
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  #13  
March 26th, 2006, 04:39 PM
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This is a good idea, i think it should be looked into seriously. A protected board for women in/was in that situation is wonderful!
Please consider!
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  #14  
April 6th, 2006, 09:03 AM
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I think this is a good idea for a board. However, I am concerned about protecting members privacy. We used to have a couple of other private forums for support for situations like this and we had some problems with confidentiality, etc. This is a very sensitive topic and I would want to be able to protect members safety and confidentiality and I am not certain that we could do that.
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  #15  
April 18th, 2006, 03:59 PM
CocoHunny's Avatar Foxxy Mommie
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Omigosh....I was thinking about the same thing because I too have a friend going through the samething (physical abuse and Inferdelity(sp) on her hubby's part). so I really think that's awesome
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  #16  
April 29th, 2006, 08:56 AM
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Can you make it password protected? I see your point, Patty, about the anonimity. I'm wondering if there would be some way around that, to have the members of that board feel confident and trust that their information not be taken askew?
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  #17  
May 3rd, 2006, 12:22 PM
MommytoZoeAlyssa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yeah it could be protected and you would have to get acess like the Love & Sex board.

I really do think its a good idea for a board I mean.. I know how hard it is to talk to people about it I mean like family and stuff I think it would be easier to talk to people who have been in that situation or are in that situation now because you can relate and understand and not judge like others do
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  #19  
May 23rd, 2006, 09:37 PM
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I think it is a great idea. those women need all the support they can get.I also think it should be combined with rape/sexual assault victims.there are a lot of issues and feelings there that need support, and a lot of women can be helped by those who have been though it.
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