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At end of my rope with raising a family members children!

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December 13th, 2012, 04:56 PM
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1
Hello mommas. I am new here and joined because I really need some other opinions other then my husbands. Maybe there is even someone out there with some professional advice that can help me with my thought process and decision making. So 5 years ago my husbands cousin Emily gave birth to twins. She had already lost custody of her daughter and the paternal grandparents raised her. Anyhow, 3 months into it, Emily was back on drugs. She and the twins lived in an apartment that CPS was called to over 30 times. The top 2 offences were the apartment was covered in the twins' poo and also cat poo, and the other was the neighbors complaining of her yelling and cussing at them as young as 9 months old. One day while Emily was sleeping the boys turned on the bathtub and flooded the downstairs apartment. This resulted in her eviction when the boys were 2. She was homeless with them for a few months, then started having the Grandma and Great Grandma take care of them. She would disappear for a month. No one would hear from her. Then she would drop in and take the boys to Taco Bell and park then disappear again. If one Grandma didn't do what she asked of them, she would take the boys to the other Grandma and tell her the other G-ma wasn't allowed to see the twins. Emily also received over $1200 a month in food stamps and cash aid, and like I said, a trip to Taco Bell once a month was about all they saw of that money. By the way, both G-mas are poverty level and would be at the food bank every Thursday for food. Emily's mom, who is one of the G-mas, refused to take custody from Emily even though Emily would be up for days at time on methamphetamine and come pick up the twins and go to the river for a few days. This went on for 2 years. The whole time my husband was telling me that we needed to take on the boys, but I kept refusing because I already have 2 boys of my own and to be honest, the twins freaked me out and made me a nervous wreck. They climbed all over your cars, pooped where ever they felt the earge, they where and are still the most hyper children I know. I finally agreed to do it when I was overwhelmed with the fear that their blood would be on my hands if anything happened to them while at the river or at drug houses with Emily. We spoke to the G-mas about them coming to live with us. They where all for it. However, once we served all the paperwork after making it legal custody, Emily's mom flipped out on us and will not speak to us because she didn't want Emily to loose her money she got from the government, even though she new she was spending it on drugs, and even though the G-mas could have used that money to by the twins appropriate food and clothing. We have had custody of the boys for 9 months now. Their mother Emily got off drugs 6 months ago, but is still jobless and homeless. I am feeling like I cannot raise these boys. I fantasize about leaving my husband with them and taking me and my kids and my doggie and never looking back. Then my husband throws in the guilt of what God would do to us if we didn't take on these boys, so then I get suicidal because I wouldn't want to live with Gods curse from not raising the boys, but I don't want them in my care anymore. I recently told my husband to tell Emily that if she wasn't well on her way to getting the boys back by June, that I will at that point be done and will be in touch with CPS. I don't think I could ever actually hand any child over to CPS but I just wanted to light the fire under Emily's butt to start taking the other steps to getting her children back. When I spoke to the Great g-ma about it, she said she thinks being a mom overwhelms Emily. Well...I AM OVERWHELMED!!!!!!!!!!!!! So this is my questions ladies....If Emily doesn't get her act together, would it be obsurd to encourage her to give these boys up for adoption to a loving family that would love to have twin 5 year old boys? Will the boys be damaged for life if they were adopted at 5 years old? Please don't think I am a monster, I just want what is best for these kids too. I don't think my home is a stable enough environment with me on the verge of a breakdown.
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December 15th, 2012, 03:41 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 66,539
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Welcome to JM and - it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I don't have much experience with such complex issues to give you any advice, but I do hope it all works out for you and your family.

This is really a technical help board. I would suggest looking at the main message board menu to find a board where you might find more support and advice for your situation:
JustMommies Message Boards - Powered by vBulletin

There is the adoption board where you can discuss parenting adopted children:
Adoption - JustMommies Message Boards

You may also want to look through the Parenting section and post on the boards which relate to the ages of the children you're caring for as they may have advice as to their behaviour etc.

I would also say, have you spoken to your husband about this? It sounds like you need some support from those close to you, and to talk out what might be the best next step, as you can't go on forever feeling the way you do. Much love.

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