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Last Name choices

Forum: Baby Names


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April 12th, 2006, 08:20 AM
*Leslie*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sorry all i meant to post this in the unplanned pregnancy board, but I'd like to hear your inputs too!!!

I was going to post this in my DDC, but feel you guys can relate better to this problem I'm having...... I can see the last name debate coming before too long, and me and my mom have already discussed it.... Initially of course it was going to have his last name since he was great about it and stuck by me... well as you all know when good old dad found out everything changed.... I haven't talked to the now ex in 5 weeks..... In this time frame I have said the baby would have my last name unless he came around "before he/she was born" I don't think this is unreasonable..... The ex has said he will take responsibility for the baby once it is here, but how do I KNOW that until it happens? Now my mom has brought it up again, and this time seems more like she wouldn't care if I still gave it his last name.... see I thought she was set on it not having his last name b/c of what he's done..... I'm really torn.... and this isn't a decision to make at a vulnerable moment like lying in the hospital on the day the baby is born.... I feel like if he is going to be involved I want to give it his last name, but if he isn't going to be I'm going to give it mine..... although his last name flows much better with the names I've picked out..... I feel like everyone is going to be irate if I give it his last name, but they just don't understand.... I mean I want this family to work, and with his family questioning the paternity, do they really think I'd give it their last name if I wasn't sure it was his?? see what I mean..... that will be just another throw in their face that I KNOW I wasn't cheating on him..... what's all of your opinions?? I really never thought I would be in a situation like this, so I'm having a hard time.....

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April 12th, 2006, 12:06 PM
*Ade*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 13,315
Well, when it comes down to it, its your coice-not your moms, or his parents. And, I dont think it should be based on that it flows better with the names you have picked out. If it were me in this situation, I would give the child my last name. And if things do end up working out-you do have the option of changing the last name. But if hes just gonna walk out because his parents question paternity(which means hes questioning too), I dont think I would trust him to 'come around' once the baby is born. This is all just my opinion, but I really hope it all works out for you. Good luck!
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April 12th, 2006, 12:48 PM
Poetique's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 702
^^i agree

i'm thinking about giving the baby my last name since i am not married and if i choose to i can always change the last name later...
get a paternity test to prove to the guy and the family that he is the father also...

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April 12th, 2006, 05:18 PM
Nina's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I had this same problem when I was pregnant with my DD. I decided that I would give her my last name because I can't depend on "what ifs". If you give your baby your last name and he steps up and is a good Dad, then you can always have it changed later on. But if he doesn't take responsibility then at least you and your baby have the same last name. It also makes it easier if later on down the line, you meet someone, fall in love, get married and he wants to adopt your child. I know that's thinking way ahead, but you have to think of everything. I'm glad I decided to give my DD my last name and kept her fathers off the birth certificate completely. When I met my DH he wanted to make her his, so he signed her birth certificate as her father. He couldn't have done that if I had put my ex's name on there, DH would have had to adopt her. She knows he's not her biological father, but he is her Daddy and that's all that matters. I wish you luck with what ever you choose.


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April 13th, 2006, 04:17 PM
barefeet's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Tallahassee
Posts: 511
This is a very personal decision, and is completely up to you. In my opinion, though, you should give the baby your last name. If it looks to be that you and your baby will be the family, then you should share a family name. Think about way far ahead in the future: when she gets older, there won't be a question when you visit her at school; her friends will know what to call you, etc. If Dad decides to be involved, his decision shouldn't (and won't) be based on her name.

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April 15th, 2006, 07:03 AM
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I definitely think this is YOUR choice, not your moms. Nothing against your dear mother, but in all reality, what she wants or thinks should happen doesn't really matter. Personally, I'd give the child your last name. My sister was in a similar situation, my nephew was born and out of the blue the father showed up at the hospital (he hadn't been around the entire pregnancy). Well, she gave my nephew his dad's last name... and not even 6 months later he walked out of his life again. My nephew is now 6 1/2 years old and has only seen his dad a couple times since he was 6 months old. My sister is now married and has another child with her husband, but here my nephew is with a different last name, even though my BIL has always been a father to him. The only way he can get his last name changed (my BIL wants to adopt him) is to have my nephew's biological father give up all parental rights to him. This issue has been brought to his attention, and even though he isn't in his life, he won't give up parental rights. Its just making the whole situation very difficult. If my nephew would have had my sister's last name from the get go and not worried about putting the loser "sperm donor" on the birth certificate, the situation would have been over with a long time ago. I'm not saying you shouldn't acknowledge that he is the baby's father, I just think you should give him your last name and if you and the father work things out then great! You would have the ability to change the child's last name to his when you feel the father has been there and is going to stick around.

All in all, no matter who tells you to do what or what opinions you get, the decision is yours and only yours. I wish you the best of luck and can't wait to see pictures of your little one when the time comes!
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