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Forum: Adoption


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August 19th, 2008, 07:06 PM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lynchburg, VA
Posts: 903

My name is Jessa; DH is Blake. We're both 30 years old and we've been married for 11 years. We are also infertile; we began TTC when I quit taking BCP 9 years ago. We've had three IUIs this year alone and now our doc has recommended IVF. I'm terrified to throw $22,000 (and my aching heart) into another procedure that may or may not work. Today, we actually sat down and discussed our feelings on adoption. There are so many things I am afraid of there, too, namely birth mothers who change their minds.

I am starving for information and advice. I have no idea where to begin or how to proceed. I figured I would introduce myself here and ask the experts. TIA for your responses and your time. I wish you all the best!!

Jessa, married to Blake these past fourteen years. Beginning the adoption process.

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August 20th, 2008, 08:15 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
Hi and welcome! I am so sorry that you have been on such a hard road for so many years!

My DH and I have one bio daughter who was born 3 months early and struggled for a long time. She is now 2 and doing great. We also have a bio son who was stillborn last August (2007). Our doctor said that our son died because of a cord accident.... probably. He wasn't sure because there wasn't any evidence of this. However, on both pregnancies I had pre-eclampsia and with my son's pregnancy and birth I came very close to dying. Although we've been told we could "try" again to have another bio child, I just don't think we want to. I've always wanted to adopt and to foster children, so when my husband decided he was ready to do that, we started right away. That's a very abbreviated version of our story.

So, we are now foster parents to one beautiful little boy who is one year younger than our DD. We hope we'll be able to adopt him but nothing is definite yet. His bio parents' rights have not yet been terminated which means he isn't quite available to be adopted. We're working toward that goal though. We would also take in more foster placements if we are asked. We are approved for 3 right now.

I think to answer your question about where to start is that you need to read up on and ask as many people as you can to decide what type of adoption you want to do. Do you want to go through the foster system, international adoption, domestic private adoption, etc. I can tell you about the foster system (as can at least one other on this board). I know there are lots of folks who adopted from China and other international adoptions that are on here. Check and see how much money you have and are willing to commit to this adventure and that will help you decide. Also decide if you really care about getting a brand new newborn child and that will help you decide.

Glad you have found us and hope to hear lots more about your story as you continue!!

Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
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August 20th, 2008, 08:45 AM
m_westbro's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Texas y'all!
Posts: 17,144
Hi and welcome to the group! Beth gave you some great advice already, the biggest thing you need to decide on now is where you're going to adopt from and what age child you are hoping to get. Of course, the money issue is a big one too, as the cost of adoption can vary greatly among the different programs/agencies.

I wish you the best in starting your journey toward parenthood!! Please keep us posted and remember we are here to help!

my photog blog / my family blog
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August 20th, 2008, 12:16 PM
eash's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,969
Welcome to the board. The best advice I can give is read, read, read. No adoption journey is particularly easy but it is rewarding.

I would say that first thing to decide is if you adequately mourned the possiblity of not having biological children. When you get to the point that you feel adopting isn't "second best" then you should be able to handle the ups and downs of adopting. For us, like you, it came down to whether we wanted to pursue IVF without a guarantee or adopt internationally which is almost a guarantee of a child. We chose to adopt and are currently awaiting a perfect baby boy from Korea.

The next step is to decide whether you want to foster, foster to adopt, adopt domestically or adopt internationally. Each has a distinct benefit and luckily, we have ladies on the board that have done each.

Good luck with your decision and feel free to ask as many questions as you like.
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August 20th, 2008, 12:37 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 24,588
Hi! Glad you stopped by! I think the other ladies have some great advice! We would love to follow along with your journey! Please keep us updated and feel free to ask any questions you might have along the way!
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August 20th, 2008, 07:09 PM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Lynchburg, VA
Posts: 903
Thank you all so much for your encouraging words and kind advice. It is wonderful to talk to people who don't I'm crazy for 'giving up so easily' on my own body. (No one understands there's nothing easy about this decision unless they've had to survive it themselves.)

The truth is this: I cannot picture being pregnant. I have never been able to see that image clearly and I have a pretty good imagination. I have always known that we would have trouble conceiving, that it would be a very long shot. All of the tests and procedures have only reaffirmed my desire to give a waiting child a better start at life than I had, the kind of parents that I always wanted. My DH has just recently come around, though, so I think you're all right. I will research and research some more while we both wrap our heads and hearts around this.

May your kindness come back to you a hundredfold.

Jessa, married to Blake these past fourteen years. Beginning the adoption process.

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